Saturday, April 29, 2006

Reflections #15 - New Avengers Annual

Nothing too complex, just some reactions to the comic as I went through it. For the purposes of this review remember, "James" is Wolverine, "Jessica" means Jessica Jones, the blushing bride, as opposed to Jessica Drew or "Spider-Woman", and of course we say "Warbird" here, not Ms. Marvel. Assemble!

Page 2: So is that an original image from the first Super-Adaptoid appearance, or is Copiel just mimicking the original?

Page 3: Why are the A.I.M. guys' helmets cylindrical? Wouldn't helmets that are rounded to match the shape of your head be easier? Also, Bendis can't let "Evil Hydra Guy" speak without babbling.

Page 4 and 5: WARBIRD! This comic is automatically 23.74% better than it would be otherwise. Luke's right. Jessica has powers, she can fly, couldn't she fly the baby and it's stuff up there, instead of climbing stairs? Or use an elevator? Gross, Aunt May has a bunch of liver spots. Peter can't even have breakfast without being in the Iron Spidey get-up. Does having a baby make women more susceptible to the charms of aging English butlers? Careful, Jessica, might end up in a throwdown with Aunt May over "Eddie". Again with the footie-pajamas comments. But can the Iron Spidey uniform count as pajamas?

Page 6: Love the look on Luke's face. Hilarious.

Page 7: "Mazel tov"? No one told me James was Jewish. Mary Jane loves being married? Too bad Quesada doesn't love you being married. The look on Jessica's face, hilarious. I love that Tony wants the Sentry to start making friends, but to leave as soon as he starts to feel unstable. That's the kind of comment that says "We trust you!"

Page 8: Not sure about the look on Cap's face. He might feeling a little bloated this morning. He certainly looks it. Man is large.

Page 10: Babies. Ugh. Did the Sentry get smacked into the window on the 36th floor, or just knocked past it? Either way, New Avengers needs more Sentry getting pummeled.

Page 11: Warbird took command. A natural born leader. Why isn't she a full-time team member again?

Page 13: And Warbird quickly assess what they're up against. I say again: Why isn't she on this team full-time? And when has dogpiling the enemy ever worked?

Page 14: Captain America reminds you kids to always buckle up, especially if being chased by a former spy, now Super-Adaptoid. Very clever idea by Cap though. Props to the Super Soldier.

Page 15: Just because you have unbreakable skin, doesn't mean you couldn't be internally injured, right? I know I read something about that in that Marvel Knights book. Woohoo, more Sentry pummeling! Greatest New Avengers issue EVER! Yes that's a weak field.

Page 16: Agh, she kissed him! Gross! Wow. James is planning ahead. What a world.

Page 17: It's a fun new game! "Pass the Worthless Sack of Crap!" Hey the New Avengers are pretty good at it! I guess between Ronin, Sentry, and "Just Stands Around" James, they get a lot of practice.

Page 18: Does Warbird's power work like that? I thought she absorbed energy, can she really draw power out of people? It sounds more like Rogue's. . . Warbird is NOT fat! Just because she isn't anorexic like that "S"-wearing tart at DC, doesn't mean she's fat!

Page 19: Here's Tony Stark! His superpower is talking down to his teammates. I forgot to genuflect when I said that.

Page 20: Peter used his brain to help. Hooray! He's collaborating with his intellectual buddy Stark, and now Tony'll devise a plan. Maybe I'm a victim of low expectations, but this is pretty good. Isn't this how these super-battles are supposed to go?

Page 21: Spider-Man solo against Really Powerful Enemy. I always like this, because it's fun to watch him win. Yes! Use the agility, and your opponent's natural stupidity! Faceplant!

Page 22: What's with the Bruce Lee background? Ygh. She grew James' sideburns! WHAM? I thought Cap's shield went BLANG!

Page 23: Seriously, how can Captain America move? He's freaking huge. And yet, he's still faster than someone who absorbed the powers of his entire team. Ha, ha, she has underwear on her head.

Page 24: Fastball Special? Isn't that a registered trademark of the X-Men, or is it OK because James was involved? Spider-Whore? That's not nice. Man, why do women always have to be so mean to each other? Don't they know words can hurt? Not as much as a hairy Canadian knocking you off a building, but still.

Page 25: 'Bigger web pits'? That's creepy, and sadly, Spider-Man does have bigger 'web pits' than Spider-Woman. Sigh. Relax Peter. Everyone one on Earth is a "kid" next to Wolverine. Except Apocalypse. And Chuck Norris.

Pages 27 and 28: Wow. All 49 different Iron Man suits. Cool. Heh. All the others are just watching. I guess that's part of the plan. Shouldn't they all be posing though? Sitting seems so Defenders-ish.

Page 29: Huh. Remote control. Now is this that whole "Machine God" thing, or did he program his suits to work like this? It sounds like it's a combination of Bingo and Battleship.

Page 30: Man street cleaners are going to be picking up pieces of Iron Mans for weeks.

Page 31: And here it loses me. So, is it her version of the Void, or his version of the Void? Or is the Sentry just using his apparently vast mental powers to fool her into thinking it's happening, and she's to inexperienced with his powers to fend him off?

Page 32: Besides, if the Void is the counter of everything the Sentry does (according to Paul Jenkins' just finished series), and all she's done is hurt people with the power, wouldn't "her" Void try to help people? You see how including the Sentry in anything hurts books? Why does the Sentry hate comics? Is he a Nazi? And if so, shouldn't Captain America punch him in the face? He did it to Thanos when the Purple Darkseid had the Infinity Gauntlet, what's the holdup?

Pages 33 and 34: And, villain's gone. I'm really surprised you can do that to an adaptoid. You'd figure it would, you know, adapt a counter-measure.

Page 35: Surrrrrre, the Sentry didn't do it. bullcrap.

Page 36: Real brave of Tony, talking shit to Spider-Woman through a remote-controlled suit of armor, when he's probably ten blocks away. But seriously, she is evil. She smokes, she hates babies, she took breast implants from HYDRA (not that I'm against breast implants), and half of her face is in shadow when she says she's not Iron Man's enemy. And the half that isn't in shadow, looks real pissed.

Oh yeah, Captain America looks real, real fat. Stop eating so many of Aunt May's wheatcakes, oh pudgy Sentinel of Liberty. Man, why don't we ever hear about Aunt May's wheatcakes anymore? Those were a staple of Peter's diet when I was reading Spidey comics growing up? Don't tell me "dying" multiple times made her forget the recipe. She gave it to MJ, she must have it somewhere! I want wheatcakes, damnit!

Page 37 and 38: Hmm, that preacher looks suspiciously like Stan Lee. Isn't he Jewish? Is this how Jewish weddings go? Has Wanda changed even this? In the last panel, who is that guy, that doesn't seem to have eyeballs? His face partially obscures Thing's. It's way too prominent of a placement to just be Random Person. It's not Purple Man in disguise is it? He's still locked up right? I mean, Cage beat the crap out of him back in New Avengers #5 or so. Please, we don't need future stories involving the guy who swore to rape and kill Jessica, and kill their kid, OK Bendis? No stories with that, or I'll let Deadpool really go off on you.

Page 39: Of course, Bendis had to have one really huge blab page. OK, fine. Man, Luke looks pretty bummed out in that one panel. She said, "yes", dude, she just wants to put it in her words. Smile! There we go. Why can't we see the preacher's eyes? He can't be trusted! He's a Skrull! No, he's Killgrave! No, he's Dan DiDio! Kill him!

Page 40: Luke and Jessica, sitting in a . . . OK I'll stop. They can both hurt me.

Page 41: Spider Woman wore a pretty revealing dress for a wedding. Hmm, this must be that wedding phenomenon I've heard about, where the bridesmaids are all ready to have "jealousy sex". Can the legends really be true?

Hope you enjoyed this ludicrous recap of a New Avengers where. . . STUFF. . . ACTUALLY . . . HAPPENED. Now if only someone would let Bendis know he can do this in the monthly issues, just with fewer pages for dialogue, we'd be great.

2 comments:

LEN! said...

Wolverine may or my not be Jewish. Brian Micheal Bendis is Jewish. I figure that's why that line got in there.

carla said...

I love that Tony wants the Sentry to start making friends, but to leave as soon as he starts to feel unstable.

It's a little like if someone turned to Tony and said, 'Man, it's great to have you at this cocktil party! Glad to see you. And oh- if you start to have any severe alcohol issues because, you know, YOU'RE A TOTAL BOOZER, just excuse yourself. We won't be watching and talkin behind your back.'

You think the man would have more class.