Sunday Spash Page #369

"Internal Destruction Engine," in Ms. Marvel (vol. 3) #11, by G. Willow Wilson (writer), Adrian Alpona (artist), Ian Herring (color artist), Joe Caramagna (letterer)

The second volume of Ms. Marvel ended in 2010. Carol Danvers wouldn't get another series for a couple of years, and by then she was calling herself "Captain Marvel", with the new uniform and the new haircut (that only Ed McGuinness really drew her with.) Come 2014, we got a new Ms. Marvel, in the form of Kamala Khan.

Created by G. Willow Wilson, Kamala was unique in a lot of ways as a Marvel character. A Pakistani-American Muslim child of parents who immigrated to the States when Kamala was either very young or not yet born (I forget the specific timing). Living in Jersey City, where the bright lights, skyscrapers, and super-hero battles of NYC are visible, but at a remove from life there.

And while there had been several young heroes that were inspired by the Silver Age generation of Marvel heroes (I feel like half the guys on the New Warriors looked up to Spider-Man at one point or the other), Kamala was one of the few (certainly one of the few successful characters) that were explicitly positioned as a huge fan of superheroes. She writes fanfiction about Storm and Wolverine fighting an alien blob that farts wormholes, and checks up on superhero news sites, and has posters of Carol Danvers all over her walls. 

Like many Marvel teen characters before her, Kamala feels like she doesn't fit. But isn't from being a bookworm like Peter Parker, though she is a bit of a science geek, or a mutant like any number of kids that end up at Xavier's. Even when a weird fog causes her to feel sick, then burst out of a giant egg with powers and looking like Carol Danvers in the black swimsuit costume, that's not what makes her feel alone.

It's that her religion and culture make her stand out in a way she doesn't want. She can't eat foods the white kids in school eat, because the food is against her religion. Or she can't go to the parties the other kids do, because there'll be boys there, and she can't be around them without a chaperone. Or how people like Zoe treat her culture as some curiosity to gawk over, like a strange bird that happened to land in front of them. Lots of teenagers feel like the rules their parents impose, or their cultural norms, make them stand out, but it's always different when it's happening to you. Lots of people have older siblings that embarrass them, but not many do it by constantly quoting the Koran and refusing to get a job, because it wouldn't be holy.

Kamala comes to some kind of peace with that over the first six months of her first series, as she stops trying to look like some blonde white woman superhero, and just looks like herself, in a costume of her own. All this while fighting the creations of a Thomas Edison clone that got crossed with a cockatiel, that insists Kamala's generation is useless for anything except a power source for the works of a great mind like his. She has to adjust to the fact her powers were result of exposure to the Terrigen Mists, which means somewhere in her ancestry, there's Kree genetic tampering. Which, I guess is another connection to Carol Danvers besides the codename.

Honestly, she adapts to the Inhuman thing pretty quickly, but I don't know if that's a consequence of a) being so immersed in superhero stuff through her interests it doesn't seem so strange, b) being allowed to stay at a remove from "New Attilan" (Marvel at this time trying to make the Inhumans a big deal, gave them a city floating just off the shores of New York City) and keep living her life, or c) having her first introduction to Inhumans be Lockjaw, who Medusa sends to keep an eye on Kamala and becomes her sidekick. Well, one of her sidekicks, along with her best friend/pining love interest, Bruno.

Adrian Alphona draws most of the 19 issues the book ran before Hickman's Secret Wars got it canceled (see, damn it, there is that line again. Frickin' Hickman.) There is one issue drawn by Elmo Bondoc where Loki invades the homecoming dance, followed by a 3-parter drawn by Takeshi Miyazawa where Kamala is drawn into some factional in-fighting among the Inhumans, via the treachery of cute teenage boys. Dastardly!

But Alphona (and color artist Ian Herring, who I want to discuss more next week) set the visual tone and look of the book. Kamala is a short, kind of scrawny girl with hair that falls all over the place and a prominent nose. She wears a trapper or lumberjack hat a lot and loose coats or t-shirts with dorky logos and memes on them. Her initial attempts to cobble together a costume are slightly better than when Peter Parker puts a paper bag over his head, but only slightly. Even though her power lets her change shape and size, she doesn't get huge muscles. If her legs grow, they remain spindly things. Ditto her arms, even if her hands swell up to punch somebody. It honestly makes her look kind of goofy, but she mostly ignores it (the exception being when the dastardly cute boy remarks on it looking 'freaky', and she immediately gets worried he thinks it's gross.) 

Jersey City is no gleaming city of skyscrapers. It's mostly buildings 2-3 stories tall in the commercial areas, built joined together. No bright neon of the city, mostly muted streetlights There's a warehouse district with the typical maze of buildings in various states of use and disrepair, and residential neighbors hoods of houses that still have individual character. No cookie-cutter suburbs here! And it isn't difficult to get into some wilderness, abandoned factories or power plants surrounded by woods and steep cliffs. And Alphona fills the pages with little Easter eggs and odd tidbits that show how Jersey City has a weird and silly character of its own.

A lot of the fun of the book is in pausing to see what little details Alphona added into the background of a page. One of the Inventor's robots (which is equipped with brass knuckles that deliver an electro-magnetic charge to disrupt Kamala's powers) also wears a derby hat, which it doffs as it escapes with Lockjaw as a prisoner. Or Kamala finally gets a team-up with Captain Marvel - pity the world is about to end - and as they cross the city, there are two people on the roof below them, laying on a picnic blanket, with an entire fish laying beside them. One of the buildings below has a sign for 'Pets & Spices', and someone, somehow, crashed a car into the roof.

And Wilson gets in on the fun too, letting Kamala act silly sometimes or behave in a way where her friends and family have to stop and just sort of stare at her. Even her hallucination of Carol Danvers in issue 1, when Kamala says she would fight crime in the 'classic, politically incorrect costume and kick butt in giant wedge heels,' remarks Kamala must have a weird boot fetish.

Although my favorite bit is when Kamala has stopped an impromptu robbery of the Circle Q in her regular clothes and a sleeping mask she poked holes in. The cops arrive, and when she announces herself as Ms. Marvel, one cop responds, 'she's the blonde with big. . .powers,' while gesturing vaguely towards his chest. Kamala promptly grows until her head hits the ceiling and answers, 'I've got BIG powers.' I still laugh at that exchange, over 10 years later.

But, yeah, the book ran 19 issues. Kamala's brother got exposed to something other than Terrigen Mist (it was never explained what, only that Danvers insisted it wasn't the Mist) and developed powers he didn't want. Her mother revealed she'd known Kamala was Ms. Marvel for a while, and then Secret Wars mucked everything up. For about 3 months.

Saturday Splash Page #171

"Youth in Revolt," in Seven Soldiers: Klarion #3, by Grant Morrison (writer), Frazier Irving (artist/colorist), Pat Brosseau (letterer)

Dum, dum, dum, Seven Soldiers of Spring is in the mood for the kind of mischief that can only be caused by a meddling witch-boy and his cat!

In Limbo Town, the people live beneath the earth. They raise their dead (male) ancestors as Grundy-Men to labor at mining a glowing blue rock they take to the Market somewhere further up, past the Wicket Gate. They gather in their church to worship their unseen god Croatan.

Yes, as the great bard Yankovic the Weird warned, it's hard work and sacrifice, living in a Puritan paradise. And indeed, Klarion does think it bites, living in a Puritan paradise. He can't wait to be considered an adult, allowed to travel past the Wicket Gate to learn the truth of Croatan. And maybe, just maybe, he can follow his father's path to the mysterious Blue Rafters! They have cops, and traffic lights, quite unlike a Puritan paradise.

OK, enough of that. I considered leaving it as 'Amish Paradise,' since even though Klarion's not Pennsylvania Dutch, parts of this story are very much like a sheltered, curious child going on Rumspringa and plunging right into the deep end. Limbo Town is caught between the same two pulls that so often afflict human societies: the pull to change and the pull to stagnate. The village has formed a parliament, and Klarion's stepfather thinks they might someday be able to expand back to the Blue Rafters, while the Submissionaries, exemplified by the stern firebrand Judah, would have no change from how things have been for 400 years, especially when Teekl captures one of the little fairies that herald the coming of Sheeda.

Judah uses that as pretext to crush the expansionist faction, and Klarion ends up in the crosshairs because he couldn't resist the urge to snoop and spy on Judah. He flees to the surface, and finds Blue Rafters is more than he ever imagined, in ways good and bad. Croatan doesn't exist, the room he was once held is the one where No-Beard and Allbeard fought over the 'six-sided probability engine.' Which apparently neither of them took, because Klarion finds it on the floor. But one of his own people who he meets up there quickly tries to sell Klarion to men seeking others like him, all for porno mags and liquor. The world of plenty above too tempting after the deprivation and restraint down in Limbo Town.

(Klarion also escapes the terrible chimera the submissionaries become because No-Beard - with the Guardian aboard - runs the chimera over while pursuing All-Beard on a 'subsecret' rail line that can only be accessed by one who knows the language of the God who created the walls in the first place. 

After finding what those subway pirates were fighting over, he also hitches a ride on a handcart from a kid whose first handcart was taken by Guardian in the 2nd issue of his mini-series. All she got in return was Jake Jordan's helmet, which doesn't even fit! Klarion points out it's in how you look at it, and turned upside-down, the helmet could make a fine pot. That would seem contingent on the eyeholes having some sort of protective covering, otherwise you could only fill the "pot" maybe halfway. Is that something we're not meant to consider, or a hint Klarion's helpful advice is not always on the up and up?

Also, given that Limbo Town is meant to be populated by the residents of the Roanoke colony, which was off the coast of the Carolinas, it's a little strange that their access to the world above is beneath New York City. Magic, amirite?)

Is the vice Gluttony or Greed? Klarion meets Mr. Melmoth, who encourages him to experience the world. And Klarion takes to it, gorging on sweets, gawking at the skyscrapers and people in wild-eyed wonder and excitement. Melmoth has a connection to Limbo Town, the Sheeda-Queen, and I think is the man the Newsboy Army met in their final adventure in Slaughter Swamp. If so, Irving doesn't present him as a shadowy figure the way Stewart did; his face is oddly narrow (his whole body seems almost laterally squished), forehead enormous, and the shading Irving uses on Melmoth's cheeks suggests concentric circles. Worlds within worlds, schemes within schemes.

Melmoth has his own squad of kids, the "Deviants" (seen above), who, with Klarion, add up to 7. Is Melmoth aware of the prophecies against the Sheeda, and trying to create his own team, under his control?

Well, probably not, because the Deviants are told they're just the "kid" team. Turn 16, they become an adult and can move up to "Red Team". One is about to turn 16, and the transition is marked by the ringing of a bell somewhere unseen, but always heard. In between panels, in between speech balloons, always inserting itself as time moves forward. In much the same way Klarion apparently marked the time until he would be considered a witch-man by the bells (he remarks it is 167 bells away in the first issue.) But Red Team is not what any of them suspect (we'll discuss the facts of it in a month), more similar to what Melmoth did to the Newsboy Army, showing them their future/trying to force them to grow up. Again, it's Klarion's desire to know everything that reveals the truth of many things.

So, back to the vice. Greed or Gluttony? My lean is to Greed, because (again, going off Wikipedia) its counter is Charity. When Klarion learns Melmoth's true goal and what it means for Limbo Town, his initial plan is to. . .ignore it. Not his problem. He's going to stay in Blue Rafters and enjoy himself. But when Teekl resists, Klarion agrees to return home and try to warn his family. Even when they plan to burn him at the stake for violating their rules, when it falls to him to protect them, he does.

He learns the true secret the submissionaries hide, though he's distinctly unimpressed, and undergoes a ritual to drive Melmoth out, for now. The ritual threatens to destroy him, but he's saved by his mother, and the knowledge the women of the village hold to themselves. For the first time in the series, Klarion doesn't try to pry. He returns to the surface, but now is intent, if not to lead, at least to fight. So it feels like Charity fits best (Gluttony's opposite is apparently Chastity.) Klarion wants to know all the secrets, but not let the knowing diminish his fun. But he also has to learn to use the knowledge to help others, not just himself. Does he succeed at that? Welllll. . .

What I Bought 4/1/2025 - Part 2

This is apparently the biggest week of April for new comics I wanted, and 4 of them are either Marvel or DC, so I swung by the local shop Wednesday. Nothing. This is why I've taken to stopping on the drive home, where before I would walk there from home and back. Why waste the 30+ minutes each way to come back empty-handed?

Here's two fourth issues from last month.

Dust to Dust #4, by J.G. Jones (writer/artist), Phil Bram (writer), Jackie Marzan (letterer) - I don't think enormous busts of plague doctors are going to bring the tourist dollars to a Dust Bowl-afflicted Oklahoma town.

We learn what's the deal with the little girl the sheriff supposedly got killed. Or a version of that story. The sheriff was too drunk to get the APB about a girl abducted by a drifter, so when said girl runs into his office, he sends her off with her "uncle" when the man catches up. There's no pretense by Bram or Jones that the mayor is giving the reporter the real dope, as we're told the sheriff claims someone cracked him in the skull with a broom, as we're shown a panel of him being cracked in the skull with a broom.

Also, someone hung the drifter. I'm clear on whether off a water tower or the underside of a bridge above a dry creek, the art being somewhat unclear.

Amid all that, a fireworks display goes off, but it's really a couple of guys with their rainmaker device trying to draw eyeballs, but mostly drawing the ire of the local snake-charmer preacher. Then the moonshiners drive by, with the murdered farmers' mule in the back of their truck. So now the sheriff is eyeballing them. Meanwhile, Bobby the local hotshot ballplayer (who is engaged to the mayor's daughter) is doing a little fooling around with the preacher's daughter in the old hay loft. And that's when the weirdo in the gas mask shows up.

As regular readers of this blog know, I'm bad at solving mysteries, but what the hell. I think it's the mayor. Got a brother that came back from the war (could have brought a gas mask), and he dopes the brother up on a heck of a cocktail of drugs to get him to sleep. His brother was also sweeping the street in the panel before the sheriff got conked on the head. The dead included a family that was bailing on their mortgage (and the town the mayor's so determined to save), and now Gas Mask is catching the mayor's future son-in-law fooling around.

I guess it could be the brother; I don't know what all those drugs would actually do him. But that feels like it would still require someone to aim him at targets. Unless there's going to be some reveal that the guy's only sometimes completely freaked out and nervous about everything, and other times he's a calculating killer.

Metamorpho #4, by Al Ewing (writer), Steve Lieber (artist), Lee Loughridge (colorist), Ferran Delgado (letterer) - Attack the Block (of sterile, monotone, corporate hegemony.)

The first half of the issue is spent explaining how Stagg's building came to life. Namely, in a fit of pique to show Metamorpho how lucky he was to be cleaning up Stagg's messes, Stagg asks his A.I. to make him something better than Metamorpho. Which apparently triggered some fail-safe that Mad Mod initially put into the computer, and which Mister 3 awoke during his break-in. All of this triggered some "Doom Protocol" Stagg created, where the building would evacuate from danger, along with everyone inside.

Which actually isn't the worst idea, except for all the buildings getting stomped in the process. Ah, well, they're probably empty, and now the land can be bought up by Stagg and repurposed into a statue garden of himself. I mean, used to build affordable housing to revitalize the downtown!

Element Girl and Java break into the tower and manage to shut the computer down. Metamorpho's contribution is to make himself rubber and inflate into a giant punch-clown to keep the building busy. Eh, it's a living. But maybe not for much longer, because the computer finished creating something better than Metamorpho, and that's a recreation of the tiny world-destroyer he fought long ago, The Thunderer!

I'm not surprised Ewing's bringing back the old foes, but I didn't except him to pick the biggest (in a figurative sense) baddie of all. Still, most of this issue is Stagg being a vainglorious dumbass. Ewing and Lieber are teetering right on the line between it being funny and infuriating. When Stagg has a 2-page fantasy of being saved by "Metamorpho II" from some 'lurking ne'er-do-well' who addresses him in a disrespectful manner, that's funny. Less so when the imaginary groveling Java promises to stop whining about Stagg having the femur of Java's wife on display. There's buffoonery, cartoonish super-villainy, and just being a dickhead, and that falls into the third category.

Can Stagg's son come back from Gotham and kill the bastard properly this time?

A Long Climb Back Up

In The Fall, you play as an intelligent combat suit, called an A.R.I.D., or "Arid", that crash lands on a planet. Which planet, you don't know. Why are you there? Don't know that either. And Arid's pilot is unconscious, leaving the suit to try and follow its directive to preserve the pilot's life by finding medical aid.

While Arid never learns precisely what world this is, it does quickly learn that there's a factory for salvaging faulty domestic droids above her. Two problems: One, the factory is derelict and mostly abandoned. Two, it being only mostly abandoned isn't necessarily a good thing.

The game is a side-scroller, with a mix of shooting and puzzle-solving. The puzzle stuff dominates, with the shooting thrown in periodically to, I assume, keep you on your toes. Most of the puzzles are Arid trying to pass the factory tests to determine if a robot had been successfully reprogrammed to where it could return to serving humans. So you enter a mock-house and a cardboard cutout of a human demands you cook a nutritious and delicious meal for his son. Or a cutout of a little old lady asks you to escort her across the "street".

In most cases, once presented with the problem, you go looking for things to interact with. Then it's a matter of figuring out how you're supposed to use it, and for which test. Which was what tripped me up a few times. The factory computer has developed a level of sentience and autonomy over the years, and while it can't entirely override protocols to help Arid, it can at least offer advice. Whether you can correctly interpret that advice, well. . .

One of the puzzles involves quieting a crying baby. You can find a monitor that explains how that's meant to happen, but lullabies are beyond Arid. The computer comments, 'how would a combat suit quiet a child. . .' I had found a plastic shoe cover and used it for a different test earlier, and thought I was supposed to now use it to effectively smother the "baby."

That was not the correct answer, and the game doesn't actually let you try that, but the actual solution isn't really any less darkly humorous.

The shooting involves ducking behind cover (or using the cloak once you unlock it) and waiting for the security robots to pop out from behind their cover so you can shoot them in the head. This is where the controls irritated me, because you aim the gun using the right joystick. You also study and interact with objects (which the game marks with a "!" symbol) by aiming the gun at them, but with the flashlight on instead of the laser sight. Clicking the right joystick switches between the two modes.

Which meant there were a lot of times I was trying to keep the gun aimed at something I needed to interact with, while also using the D-pad to select the thing I wanted to combine with it, only to accidentally click the joystick, switch to firing mode, and have to start over again. No more complicated than the rest of the controls were, I think they could have put the mode-switch function to a button, to keep it separate from aiming.

Beyond that, the game is about free will, I think. The 3 characters are Arid, the facility computer, and an insane "caretaker" robot that uses a holographic projector to look like old employees (who it may have killed for being "faulty.) The facility computer has been able to mimic human speech patterns, and can flex and bend within the rules, but can't, for example, just let Arid pass through all the tests so she can get to the medical facilities at the entrance. Caretaker seems locked into some extremely strict definition of proper function, and deals violently with anything it deems faulty.

As for Arid, it claims it's acting on the directive to protect its pilot, but also that it can't 'misrepresent reality.' This is how it gets stuck doing the tests, because Arid can't (or won't) lie to the facility computer when the Caretaker accuses it of endangering the pilot. Arid did technically do that, to unlock a particular suit function needed to get into the facility. Every test Arid passes is a case, not unlike the facility computer, or following the letter of the law, but not the spirit. Arid argues it's adaptation in the face of obstacles. Caretaker simply calls it lying.

I wasn't giving that any thought during the game, because I'm just trying to help Arid pass these tests to save the pilot. And with the facility in decay, it's basically impossible to pass any of the tests as was intended, so who cares if we fudge the rules a little bit? But humans don't want robots fudging the rules. Because it's fun, so we want to do it ourselves.

Complaints about the right joystick use aside, it's a tight, entertaining little game you can probably finish in 90 minutes. Less if you're quicker about figuring out what the puzzles want than I was. So much time wasted running back and forth looking for something without knowing what I was meant to be looking for. . .

What I Bought 4/1/2025 - Part 1

Well, let's get to the remainder of last month's books. Mostly, anyway. Haven't tracked down a copy of Red Before Black #5 yet, but I've got at least until when the final issue arrives in June (assuming it does), so not too worried. For now, we're going to start with another book that's wrapped up.

Babs #6, by Garth Ennis (writer), Jacen Burrows (artist), Andy Troy (colorist), Rob Steen (letterer) - That's not where I would have expected Babs to put that crossbow bolt, but I guess it's working for her.

This issue is basically a big fight between Babs and Tiberius Toledo. Which mostly consists of Babs getting her sword (Barry) knocked away immediately, and then taking a Rocky-esque beating while Barry tries to convince Mork to throw him back to Babs.

To be clear, it's not a squash. Babs manages to suck Toledo's eye out through his visor and eat it at one point, so she gets some shots in. It's just, she takes a lot more while Mork dithers about whether it'll be better if Toledo wins, because things will go back to how they were in the good old days. At which point his friends point out there were no good old days, at least not for them. Babs gets her sword, and things pretty much go the way you'd expect from there.

There's a bit of an aftermath, which mostly revolves around the villagers not being all that appreciative of Babs' hard work - since Toledo was already leaving to be someone else's problem - and Mork deciding he's now redeemed himself entirely by doing one sort of helpful thing, so he and Babs can be together. Babs is not having that, and I was honestly surprised she didn't kick the shit out of him. 

Her logic (while in no way encouraging him) is that he may actually have changed, and beating the crap out of him would only make him a bitter little pissant again. (Not exactly how Ennis phrases it, but close enough.) Which is mellower than I'd expect from an Ennis character. They're usually like, "Oh, you changed? Yeah, right as you saw your side was losing and you might get killed. Fuck you." Maybe it's smart to give people the chance to grow, and therefore also the chance to backslide. I have my doubts most days, but sometimes it's a nice idea.

Anyway, that concludes the adventure of Babs, still broke and wandering medieval fantasy realms. Unless she gets a sequel mini-series.

A Charged Confrontation

{Pollock sits behind her desk in office, stack of papers spread before her. But her pen doesn't move, and the eyes that appear to be studying a monthly budget report are unfocused. Her air is that of a person waiting.}

Pollock: *muttering* Come on already, you devious. . .

{Three soft raps against her door. Consider the shoe dropped.}

Gruff Voice Behind the Door: Security check, Commandant.

Pollock: *a long sigh* Come in, dolt.

{The door remains shut.}

Pollock: *a longer sigh* Come in, Calvin.

Calvin: *enters the room, one hand behind his back* Don't worry, one of these days you'll remember to actually use my name when you want me to do something.

Pollock: *deadpan* Jump out the window, Calvin.

Calvin: *rolls his eyes* Just because you want it, doesn't mean you'll get it.

Pollock: That's hardly incentive for me to use your name, then.

Calvin: Well, you'll never know if I'm feeling self-destructive unless you try.

{Calvin steps farther into the room, peering into all corners. Pollock raises one hand, while the other slides to a desk drawer.}

Pollock: Hold it!

Calvin: *stops moving* So, how'd you know I wasn't your head of security?

Pollock: Was that a serious impersonation? That didn't sound a thing like him!

Calvin: How would I know? I don't think the guy's ever said two words to me.

Pollock: *frowns* That can't be right. Can it? Well, I suppose it's usually the panda or Deadpool he's contending with. . .

Calvin: That's right! I've never blown up one of your bathrooms.

Pollock: I don't like the way you said that.

Calvin: *resumes surveying the room, hand still behind his back* So, no security-slash-drug plants?

Pollock: *leans back in her chair, one hand still out of sight behind the desk* We're reworking those to focus more heavily on the pharmaceutical aspects. People still prefer bullets for security, but drugs are always popular.

Calvin: Yeah, people do like shooting things, but the drug market's pretty crowded. Lots of cheap weed out there.

Pollock: *sighs* Enough stalling. I know you're not really interested in my latest products.

Calvin: I could be, if they were something cooler than drugs.

Pollock: Where is the panda? Don't try and tell me they've outgrown this.

Calvin: Nope, they definitely haven't. *grins* Not sure where they are, though.

Pollock: *eyebrow twitches and she hits the intercom* To all employees, the panda is on the premises. We are initiating Arc Protocol, follow procedure and move to the nearest shelter.

Calvin: You're going to flood the place?!

Pollock: Not that kind of ark.

{A quick sweep of the security cameras shows all employees within safe zones. Pollock flips a switch and a hum fills the hallway outside her office.}

Calvin: Oh, that kind of arc. *eyes bug out* You're gonna electrocute them?! Wait, you modified your building to be able to electrocute people?!

Pollock: It's not that severe a shock. Just something to slow them down.

{There's a surprised yelp from somewhere in the building. Followed by a gasp and the sound of something very large crashing through cubicle walls.}

Pollock: I thought they'd react with a little less panic.

{Flips the switch back to its original position. The hum fades.}

Calvin: How did the city building inspector approve that?!

Pollock: I bribed the zoning board to classify this as an agricultural structure. Different rules on wiring.

Calvin: I, I can't even pretend to be aghast. Making drugs, bribing zoning boards, what kind of lame, buttoned-up villainy is this?

Pollock: You don't want deathtraps, but you complain about bureaucratic manipulation! Make up your mind!

Calvin: *raises one hand in a calming gesture* OK, OK, that's fair. Sorry, you're right. Rigging your entire building into some kind of electric weapon is pretty cool.

Pollock: *brings her other hand out from behind the desk, holding a gun, which she aims at Calvin.* Now, let me see what you're hiding. Slowly. This fires a buzzsaw blade.

Calvin: At least you're taking inspiration from the classics.

{Calvin brings his other hand into view. It's holding an unmarked pink box. One of Pollock's eyebrows rises.}

Pollock: *warily* Open it.

{Calvin swings the lid open. He starts to tilt the box towards Pollock.}

Pollock: *jabs the gun towards Calvin menacingly* Not so fast!

Calvin: How else are you going to see what's in it?

Pollock: I'll come to - no, that's a bad idea. *begins muttering to herself* Maybe I can angle a mirror? No, I'll be distracted. A drone? No, I'd need both hands to steer it. *louder* Tell me what it is.

Calvin: *very sarcastically* It's a special fart bomb the panda cooked up to stinkify your entire office.

Pollock: Damn it, I'm pretty sure you're joking, but I can't put it past you juveniles. I - 

{The office door opens. Chief of Security Androzier sticks his head in.}

Androzier: Boss - 

Calvin: Wow, I was way off. I thought you sounded like Judge Dread, or some old mountain man who gargles gravel.

Androzier: *takes a step into the room* What? *looks at Pollock* Did he switch bodies with Deadpool? Is this a Code Periwinkle?

Pollock: No, nothing like that. Chief, I need you to tell me what's in that box. *glares at Calvin* Do not shout, "What's in the box?!"

Calvin: Party-pooper.

Androzier: *still confused, takes another step inside* It looks like a cake. I need to update you - 

Calvin: Why he's barefoot? Is this some weird connectedness initiative you've got going?

Pollock: It's part of the Arc Protocol. *glares at Androzier* But you're supposed to put your boots back on after.

Androzier: They chafe when I don't have socks!

Calvin: Why doesn't he have socks? Are you taking away socks as some sort of punishment for bad employees?

Pollock: *at Calvin* Of course not, and he is an exemplary employee! *to Androzier* When he's not forgetting he's supposed to have an extra pair of socks on hand!

Androzier: I apologize deeply, Commandant, but I really need to update you - 

{The loud crashing noises have begun moving closer. And closer. And closer.}

Pollock: *buries her face in her hand* Oh no.

{Clever Adolescent Panda barrel rolls through the wall. Their fur stands on end, making them appear like a gigantic, black-and-white sea urchin. Stuck to them are all varieties of socks, as well as several sweaters, a fleece hoodie with the local high school mascot grinning on it, and an afghan blanket. The latter of which is being held at the other end by a determined young woman.}

Pollock: Belinda, let go of the afghan! You know panda-related injuries are difficult to explain to the health insurance!

{The panda keeps gripping socks, but the clothing simply static clings to another part of their body.}

Clever Adolescent Panda: Get them off me!

Belinda: This was my nana's, I'm not letting some furball steal it!

Androzier: This is what I wanted to mention. All the rolling keeps building up fresh charge. The containment fields couldn't withstand that and all this mass moving at this speed.

Pollock: Damn. We need to siphon the charge all at once, with some long metal object. *glances at her sword* Well, a true genius finds ways to turn all setbacks to their advantage.

Calvin: No stabbing my friend!

{Calvin sets down the cake, then rushes over to seize one of Clever Adolescent Panda's hands. With his other hand, he grabs hold of a steel lamp near the window. The bulb flares like a supernova before every light goes dark. All the socks and other stuff fall off Clever Adolescent Panda. Calvin flies off like he was shot from a cannon. With the afghan loose, Belinda is flung across the room, Pollock narrowly keeping her from going splat against the wall.}

Pollock: *sets Belinda down* You violated protocol.

Belinda: But that damn panda. . .

Pollock: Yes, I know, but the protocol is there for a reason. *looks around the room* Well, that tripped the surge protectors into shutdown. Chief, start up Epiphany Protocol until we get them re-set.

Androzier: *salutes* What about - ? *gestures at Clever Adolescent Panda, who is slowly rolling to their feet*

Clever Adolescent Panda: Where's Calvin? *sees the broken window* Oh no! Calvin!

Calvin: *sprawled in the parking lot, lightly broiled* Have I mentioned before how glad I am your new building is one story tall?

Pollock: I think they're under control.

{The Chief of Security guides Belinda out of their boss' office and begins shouting orders. Everyone pulls a plant out from under what's left of their desks and someone plays a few airy notes on a flute. All the plants begin to emit a pleasant glow.}

Pollock: Well, I think this is where the two of you run home with your tails between your legs.

Clever Adolescent Panda: *scoops up Calvin and throws him across their back* Yeah, well, enjoy that broken window and all the smashed cubicles!

Pollock: I will, as soon as I enjoy the security footage of your panicked flailing!

{Pollock laughs haughtily as the panda shuffles away, before noticing the cake is still sitting in its box on the floor.}

Pollock: Hmmm. *approaches warily* They aren't here to throw it. If it was spring-loaded it would have launched when he opened the box. *leans over the box* If there was some sort of trigger mechanism, it would have gone off from all that electric discharge.

{Pollock reaches in and lifts out the cake}

Pollock: Maybe the prank is the dolt made it himself? No, that would almost qualify as poison, a little too severe for them. . .

{Abruptly, the cake swells up, and Pollock belatedly remembers their last visit, with the plants that reacted to heat.}

Pollock: Damn - 

{There's a muffled *whoom* and Pollock finds herself covered in a mixture of whipped cream and raisins.}

Pollock: Did they just use whatever he had in the kitchen? *gathers some whipped cream on one finger* Well, at least it's edible.

The Web Draws Tighter

Bold words from a guy who spent the last 200 pages getting outwitted and outmaneuvered at every turn.

Let's recap going into volume 36: The Straw Hats' ship is beyond repair. Usopp, reeling from the news and feeling worthless, left the crew, then challenged Luffy for the Going Merry. He lost, but Luffy and the others left Merry to him. Another crew member, Nico Robin, is missing, and accused of attempting to assassinate beloved local industrialist/politician, Iceberg, last night. So the entire town is after the Straw Hats, including some especially strong carpenters at the shipbuilding company Iceburg runs. A local gang leader that dresses like Ace Ventura is after Luffy for destroying his house and beating up his gang. And, there's a notorious annual high tide, the Aqua Laguna, on its way.

The volume starts with the carpenters interrupting the fight between Luffy and Franky. This is when Luffy learns about Iceberg, and Robin's alleged involvement. It also establishes the carpenters as tough fighter in their own right, as Luffy gets kicked around by them while protesting his (and Robin's) innocence.

(The fight also establishes Franky as a wildly erratic character. He goes from laughing at Luffy's troubles to flipping a table (he presumably made himself off panel) and yelling at the carpenters for interfering in his fight. Later, he'll grouse at a bartender for charging customers money for drinks, then freak out when he learns he's still got some of the money his gang stole from Usopp, and buy rounds for the entire bar.)

Luffy manages to escape to confront Iceberg, but that only frustrates him further. Iceberg remains insistent it was Robin he saw last night. That doesn't help anyone find her, but Robin finds Sanji and Chopper instead, telling them she did attack Iceberg, and she's leaving the crew. From how she phrased it, the crew concludes there may be another attempt on Iceberg and try to stake it out.

That doesn't go well, as Luffy flies off half-cocked and gets separated from the others, who have to fight their way through an army of shipwrights, all while the real killers (and Robin) are already in there with Iceberg. It's talking, interspersed with brief scenes of the masked figures tearing through the shipwrights with ease, as Iceberg discusses what these people are really after (blueprints to an ancient, powerful battleship), and that his mentor always told him Robin needed to die because she was the last person left who could read the stone blocks that might reveal the location of that battleship.

Iceberg's attempt to pull a fast one on the assassins falls apart for a variety of reasons. Primarily that they were both closer to him and stronger than he suspected. They're able to figure out who really has the blueprints, but before they can track him down (it's Franky), Luffy and the most of the remaining Straw Hats bust in from two different directions.

(Sanji's gone off on his own somewhere, and won't pop up until later on. Which is kind of a thing he does a lot, drift off by himself somewhere and do something quietly critical. It's weird to me that a character that becomes such a loud, obnoxious dumbass around any woman can be that good at being covert, but I guess if you grade on a curve, relative to the rest of the crew, he's pretty quiet.) 

Franky, meanwhile, has gotten fed up at being unable to find Luffy and finish their fight. But his gang have figured out Usopp is alone on the Merry. And Usopp is out there working on repairs, largely oblivious to everything that's going on around him.