The Long Weekend in the Woods - Chapter 3

Calvin

By the time I pulled myself out of the dirt after my short "trip" Pollock was gone, and the bears and raccoons had recovered and surrounded me. They made it pretty clear I was to follow and off we went. We walked for maybe 15 minutes, probably less, alternating climbing ridges then following hollows. Eventually we came to to the entrance of a large cave. There were various chairs and mattresses set up around the entrance, along with several BBQ grills and what was left of some picnic baskets. The interior of the cave looked dimly lit by battered tiki torches and some hastily strung up lights.

In front of the entrance sat a bear and a raccoon, lounging on a battered couch. The bear, like all the others, wore a handkerchief across its muzzle. As we stopped, the ones who had led me there moved aside, and he slowly rose from the couch onto two legs. He advanced calmly, and stopped a few feet away from me, sniffing at me for a few moments. Then he untied the handkerchief, and held it out to me.

"Would you like this back?"

I smiled. "Oh, it's you. That's alright, I don't have the hand rake to trade back this time, and you look as though you're getting better use from it than I was." The bear nodded and knotted it back around his broad neck. I looked at him more closely, "Could you talk the last time we met, uh?"

"Rafe." He offered no further answer.

"Oooooh-kay. Maybe I should go back and look for my panda friend."

The raccoon shot up off the couch and dashed up to me, showing his teeth. "Hey, hey, what are you saying? Our boys can handle one panda!"

About then we heard a distant "boom" from somewhere behind. I looked back over my shoulder in the direction of the sound, turned back, and waggled my hand, "Ehhhhhhhh. . ."

Rafe regarded me calmly. "You don't agree."

"I'm guessing "your boys" will come limping back before too long to tell you they lost the panda."

The raccoon snapped at me again, "We, we aren't some bunch of chumps!"

I shrugged, not really interested in arguing the point. The fight was over already, whether he knew it or not. "Neither was Guyamo, but CAP and I took him down."

If I'd hoped name-dropping the would-be warlord would have an effect, it was a false hope. Rafe placidly replied, "Guyamo was better at telling everyone how great he was then doing anything. He couldn't hold what he took."

I looked around, "And you guys are doing better on that score, I'm guessing."

The raccoon chimed in again. "We aren't out to conquer anything. Just trying to live on our own terms. Not sit around and stuff our faces like those lazy slugs in their Junkopolis."

"Now when you say "slugs", do you mean real slugs, or is it just a general insult?" I didn't want to encounter giant, intelligent slugs, especially with no salt. If they were anything like the legend of the Dissolving Salamanders. . . I shuddered.

"They're Jerry's" Rafe gestured at the angry raccoon next to him, "relatives. They built themselves a little city north of here, just on the other bank of the river. Used some wrenches they got from a panda. Now they sit around and eat peanut butter all day."

"That doesn't sound healthy. Can raccoons get scurvy?"

Blank look from Jerry. "What's scurvy?"

"Take that as a "no". So you guys are hostile towards the decadent city-dwellers?"

The pair looked at with surprise." Hostile? Hell no. I just told you they're Jerry's relatives. We think they're lazy and dependent on their wrenches, they think we're nuts, but we get along. We've get plenty of other people around to rob."

"Yeah, yeah, I gave them a bunch of nice scarves last Christmas! They make great blankets!" All heart, that Jerry.

"OK, so why am I here, at your cave? I was just looking for a friend of mine."

"Whose your friend?"

"Cassanee. Slim, pale, wears an orange cloak. . ."

"Doesn't talk much?"

"Yep."

"She and the rest of hers are in the wind." Rafe leaned down and Jerry politely scratched behind his ear. "Over the winter, some new folks moved into the area. A few at first, but then more kept showing up."

"I'm guessing they aren't sightseeing."

"Don't think so. They'll eat just about anything, tear up the ground, but I don't think they're doing that looking for food. They're stubborn and strong, and they work in groups."

"Causing you trouble?"

"A little for Jerry's relatives, and we run into them sometimes, but mostly they just tear things up. Cassanee's people were the first to run into them. Or got run over by them, maybe. They vanished sometime earlier this year. Don't know when for sure, we didn't go by there much."

"Really?"

Rafe smiled sheepishly. "We figured out quick it wasn't worth fighting her to try and rob the people in her town. There are other easier targets."

Made sense, but then I remembered something he said a minute ago. "Did you say they were brought in?"

"Charlie and Allie," he nodded towards a smaller bear and raccoon hunched over a gas grill, "saw a big truck pull up in the woods one night and a half-dozen of the suckers tumbled out."

"Hear any instructions, orders?"

"Nah. The truck just drove off, and the ones it dropped off went deeper into the woods. Couldn't tell you if they joined up with the others. They move around so much, you aren't sure if you're seeing the same bunch you saw earlier, or how many there even are. If you surprise them, they scatter. But if they see you coming, they'll try to go right through you."

Pollock

I sprinted along the top of the ridge, crashing through brush and small trees. I'd had to remove my cape and roll it up after the 14th time it got caught on a thorn or limb. I had thought I would find the road we'd been at when we stopped earlier, but had only found a dense stand of small trees. By the time I made my way out of it, I had no sense of where I was. The fool had the map, and my GPS was nonfunctional. It read my current position as "the square root of -1".

I felt distinctly uneasy. Not unreasonable, seeing as I was lost and on my own in unfamiliar ground. Those two might have been tricking me about how treacherous this place was, but I doubted it. Even the panda had seemed uneasy, a bit of false bravado in their voice earlier. Beyond that, all the challenges I'd faced previously of this nature had come on ground I knew. The panda, and even Deadpool, had a certain pattern to their actions. Here, I didn't know what I faced, or what rules it played by. Of course, with no panda to object, I could respond with whatever approach I chose. Including lethal ones. The notion that I could truly cut loose if need be, brightened my attitude slightly.

As if in response to that line of thought, I heard a "boom" somewhere in the distance. I couldn't place the location, but I was certain it meant the panda was still on the move. Although the fact they used an attack of that level wasn't encouraging. And I still had to figure out which direction to go. I turned to a nearby pine, crouched, and jumped for the nearest branch. I steadily made my way to the top, cursing the sap the got all over my hands and clothes. At the top, I looked in circle and saw. . . more trees. Plus a river winding its way though a valley to the north. There looked like the remains of a village on the opposite bank. It had a ramshackle appearance, so I doubted it was the sour girl's home. She'd mentioned they had cable TV, after all.

Someone else then. The ones with the ceramic armor? Swiveling to my right, I saw a thin wisp of smoke rising from a valley on this side of the river. It seemed like the general direction I'd come from. Probably the raccoons then. No.

I kept scanning.There were places that looked scoured, like someone tried to scar the world. Not friendly-looking, either. One other area stood out. A few ridgelines to the, southwest I suppose, there was another dense stand of small trees. From my vantage point I could see multiple trails radiating from the center in all directions. Someone was in there, and they couldn't stay put, but they didn't want to keep using the same trail until it became obvious. It could also be the ones with the armor, but if so, it couldn't hurt to cautiously approach and learn more. I took the best bearing I could, made my way down the tree, and set out.

Getting there proved difficult. I climbed trees occasionally to check my bearings. Each time I was off-course, always in a different direction. Too far west one time, too far south the next. One time I seemed to have gotten turned around entirely. At least I was sure no one was following, and I did eventually reach the stand I was looking for. Even then, I had to climb a nearby tree and look from above to be certain. Whoever it was, they were intent on covering their tracks at this level. By the time I returned to the ground, there were two people waiting, both carrying firearms. They both wore heavy boots, faded, worn jeans, and loose, long-sleeved shirts. One woman, one man.

The woman spoke first, "What are you doing here?"

"I traveled here with two acquaintances of mine, and we got separated. We were looking for a friend of theirs, Cassanee?"

They tensed a little, and I got ready to dive behind the tree. "I don't recognize you. Who are your friends?"

"Well, one is an idiot, the other is a panda. . ."

They relaxed a little at that. The man asked if he should go get "her", and received a nod. He backed slowly into the underbrush. Neither had taken their eyes of me during this, and she kept hers glued to me. I could disarm her easily, but that would escalate matters, and there was no need. I'd explain to the sullen girl, we'd find Calvin and the panda, and then, assuming I didn't get roped into some big fight, I could escape the wilderness in short order.

Cassanee emerged from where the man had vanished, that orange cloak of hers somehow not catching on anything, the hood pulled low. She stopped short when she saw me, and her expression shifted from a neutral one to a scowl. I put on a reassuring face (one I had extensive practice with from reassuring investors the latest series of lab explosions are no reason to lose confidence) and greeted her as cheerfully as I could.

"Hello, you may not believe it, but I'm glad to-"

I barely caught her hand before it stabbed into my face. She wrenched it away and jabbed with her left. I blocked that and leapt back. "What the hell?!"

"I didn't think you'd be brave enough to show your face," she said as she advanced with that odd bounding style, he speed shifting constantly. I was trying to stay on defense, but losing patience rapidly. I tried to withdraw, but one of the two sentries fired a shot that drove me back towards her. I spun away from one blow and grabbed the end of her cloak. Reversing direction, I tried flinging her away. It didn't work. She twisted in mid-air, planted her feet on the trunk of a large tree and launched into the air. She dropped towards me surprisingly fast and I wondered - not for the first time - if she manipulated gravity. I rolled out of the way, trying to keep her between me and the two with guns.

I could hear more people coming, but didn't like my options. Run, get hopelessly lost. I didn't have a teleportation spell. Fighting her and everyone else wouldn't help, and victory was far from assured. So I stopped, put my hands in the air and began, "Can we discus-"

She punched me in the face. I flew back, but managed to roll and get to my feet smoothly. Fine then. I made a few gestures, mumbled a quick chant and as she moved in, captured her in an orb of pink energy. Not the most diplomatic course, but I was annoyed about getting punched, along with hot, thirsty, and tired.

Plus, the look of surprise on the sullen girl's face was worth it.

All her friends leveled their guns at me. "Ah-ah. One twitch, and that ball goes into the stratosphere." This was a complete lie. I would be lucky to maintain the orb for another two minutes, let alone move it anywhere. "Now, let's start again. You're angry, but I came here with the panda and Calvin, who were worried about you for some reason. This is a goodwill mission."

If anything, everyone looked even angrier. Before I could ask a question, Cassanee was on me. I'd let my concentration waver or else just run out of energy. I'm not certain how many times she hit me, but I'm fairly certain she continued after I was unconscious.