And Now. . . The End!!!

Hey folks, it's me CalvinPitt! No really, it is. The guys rescued me, and they've gone home. Boy, what an adventure it was, full of wild twist-turns, acts of true heroism, and more than a little insanity. Now let us never speak of it again. So who wants to talk about mutants?!

What's that? You actually want to know how I was saved? Isn't it enough I was? You want to see it, not just be told about it? Fine, but keep two things in mind: 1) Technically, you're still being told about it, since I lack visual aids, and 2) there's no way it'll be as good as what you've imagined after what I said about it in the first paragraph. You've been warned.

Last time, Deadpool killed a possible mysterious benefactor, and was been less than successful at impersonating Calvin, while Adorable Baby Panda talked to the Great Panda Sages about other ways to travel between universes and find Calvin. Also, Calvin stumbled into another universe's version of a congressional hearing. And now. . .

Adorable Baby Panda: So, how did the Heroclix games go? Deadpool: Great. Really. No problems at all. Adorable Baby Panda: Well, good. I do appreciate that Wade. Deadpool: No problem, Baby-O. Who's the guy with you? I figured we were done with pink people. Adorable Baby Panda: The Panda Sages said we don't actually have to find Calvin ourselves. They said the person who sent him away has the power to bring him back. And he'll be easy to reach. Deadpool: Really? ABP: Sure, he exists in this universe, the same as you. Compared to searching the multiverse, this is a snap. You said you knew where to find the Overused Kirby Creation, so now we go there, beat him up, and make him bring Calvin back. Easy. Deadpool: And Pinky here can help? ABP: Sure, his ride can take us anywhere, you just need to tell us where to go. Deadpool: You sure we can trust him? ABP: Absolutely, he's one of the good guys. Right? Pinky: *splits into three individuals, does synchronized merry jig* Deadpool: Well, can't argue with that. Let's go!

Elsewhere. . .

Calvin: Ah, flying sharks! Why are there flying sharks? Who would dream of such madness?! Oh no, I'm trapped, it's going to. . . eat the grass? Oh-kay then. Of course, that probably means I should run from those squirrels. *squirrels bare rows of razor-sharp buck teeth* Yep, definitely should start running. At least this being lost in the multiverse is good exercise!

HI-YAAH! *door flies open* Deadpool: There he is, the true Overused Kirby Creation, Darkseid! Darkseid: Why have you intruded on Apokolips? ABP: *ignores Darkseid* Great, but why was he your fourth choice? Deadpool: Well, Mr. Miracle's been acting a little odd lately, and that Metron guy's always spying on people, trying to figure stuff out, I figured Calvin might have stumbled on something that Metron wouldn't want anyone else to know. That's how he feels special, by knowing everything. Darkseid: I have asked you a question. ABP: And Sleez? Deadpool: I figured a guy who directed an adult film with Superman and Barda would get used more often. ABP: *glares at him silently* Deadpool: Fine, I wanted to see if I could catch them in the middle of a shoot. Maybe even get a role. Weird how there was no one there. . .

Darkseid: Why are you here?! Deadpool: We'll ask the questions! Now where's your bathroom? That was a long trip! ABP: Worry about that later! Darkseid, you sent our friend somewhere, and we want him back! Or else! Deadpool: 'Or else'? We have got to work on your fight banter. It needs to be something like this: Woo-ha! Eat lead, Rocky! That's quite an impressive endowment you've got there. Not on par with Hercules, but maybe if you wore less restrictive clot- urk! *yellow caption box* Can't - breathe- Crushing neck- Must break free - for the baby panda! Who else will teach it how to yammer? *end yellow caption box* Darkseid: Why do you resist the inevitable? I am the will and the way. All will kneel before me. Deadpool: Going to be *kicks Darkseid in face* a little crowded *breaks sword on Darkseid's neck* if everyone's kneeling in front of you, don'tcha think? Who gets to be on front row? Baby-O, get ready to catch my head! And make you sure you put it back properly! ABP: What? Darkseid: *raises eyebrow* Deadpool: *uses other sword to decapitate self, body falls, head rolls* ABP: Gah! I got it, but this is really gross. *rushes over, reattaches head* Darkseid: What foolishness is this?! Adorable Baby Panda: That's it! We've got a "Kirby" creation of our own, and he's going to make you help us whether you like it or not! Get him, Kirby! Deadpool: Decapitation always makes me thirsty. Anybody got a bottled water? Maybe a juice box? Hey cowering minion over there, lead me to a soda machine! Then the bathroom. That Warp Star really jars the kidneys.

Kirby: *translated from Kirby's language of squeaks and assorted cute noises* Gotcha! *loud sucking noise* Darkseid: What is happeninnnng?! *vanishes inside Kirby's mouth* Kirby: *swallows, undergoes transformation which gives him eyes like the Lord of Apokolips* ABP: Hooray, now you've got his eyes, so you can use the Omega Effect to bring Calvin back! Kirby: *ignores ABP* ABP: Kirby? Kirbyseid: *deep booming voice* You will serve Kirbyseid. The combined power of our cuteness will erase the minds of all sentient beings, making them obedient servants to my will. ABP: What?! Deadpool: Good plan there. This is what your sages came up with? C'mon Pinky, you're too cute for this! If you don't stop being so dark you'll wind up like this *hands Kirbyseid Civil War; Frontline #10, the first appearance of Penance* Hey it got a reaction out of Squirrel Girl. Kirby: Noooooo! That's not meeee! Deadpool: Quick, do another merry jig, it'll help fight the darkness! Kirby: *does slow, staggering dance* It's so hard! Deadpool: Obviously, 'cause that was really more of a seizure than a jig. You need to move more like this *begins breakdancing* ABP: Quick, bring Calvin back, then you can get rid of Darkseid's essence! Kirby: I'll. . . try. *concentrates, Omega Effect fires off into abruptly appearing dimensional rift*

Elsewhere. . .

Calvin: Well, the civilization here may be one of deaf telepaths, whose brains operate on a frequency different from mine, thus rendering communication nigh-impossible, but at least they saved me from the squirrels. Say, what's that bright light? Oh hell, not aga - *hit by Omega Effect*

Back on Apokolips. . .
Calvin: - in! Hey, I'm back in that place where those guys were playing chess. ABP! What are you doing here? ABP: Deadpool and me came to save you! Good thing he found that trading card of Thanos in your place, or we might never have put it all together. Calvin: But I was here when I got zapped, and I had the card with me. How did it end up back at my place? *sound of slaves toiling, as there are nor chirping crickets on Apokolips* Calvin: Say, is that Kirby? ABP: Yup, he beat Darkseid single-handed. I think you can get rid of him now. Kirby: *concentrates, releases a star, loses the Darkseid eyes. The star bounces around for a few minutes, then vanishes* Calvin: So, does that mean Darkseid is dead? Because if so, way to go Kirby! Just don't let it turn you into an anti-hero. Kirby: *shakes head* I'm not going to be dark. it makes you stupid. Deadpool: Oh, feel so much better. What'd I miss? Hey, good to see you're back! *punches Calvin in the ribs* Calvin: Oof! What was that for? Deadpool: Sorry meant to hit you in the shoulder, but my aim's a little off. I don't think Baby-O here reattached my head quite right. Calvin: Yeah, it does look a little off-center. Well, what say we go home, and I'll help you fix it while we eat pancakes? ABP: Sounds like a plan! Hop on the Warp Star! Calvin: That doesn't look real safe. Deadpool: It's not. That's what makes it fun! Now come on, you're buying us pancakes! Calvin: I never said I was buying! Deadpool: *unholsters gun* You want to disappear more permanently this time? ABP: Oh, Deadpool! *everyone throws back their head and laughs*

Omniscient Narrator: And then Darkseid regained his corporeal form and our heroes jumped on the Warp Star and fled before he got up to full-strength. Of course, Deadpool first surrounded Darkseid with explosives. Darkseid was unharmed, but it was amusing when the floor collapsed under him and he continued falling through the lower levels. Some times old-time cartoon humor is the best, you know? And yes, Calvin bought everyone pancakes. That Kirby can really put them away for such a small guy. he's got the metabolism of a shrew, I tells ya.

Calvin: So that's the story. What do you think? Was it as horrible as you feared? Well just remember it was worse for me living through it. All this getting zapped hither and yon has given me a nasty headache, and I'm still trying to remember that squirrels aren't carnivorous on this world. Oh, and I apologize for the utter lack of female roles. I don't write good roles for women. Or guys. Or anthropomorphic pandas. Or little pink guys. Or. . . well, you get the idea. Good night, everybody! Back to our usual content tomorrow!

I'm CalvinPitt And I'm A Big Dork! Cut That Out!

Last time, on Reporting on Marvels and Legends. . .

Idiotic Pink Guy: Greetings. I, who you have never met before, will help you find Calvin Pitt, for reasons I will not elaborate on until a moment when it will provide a properly shocking betray - I mean, because he is important to the continued existence of this world and every other *eyes dart back and forth*

Deadpool: It's about time! But first, can you drop me off in a universe where that version of me is married to Bea Arthur, so I can kill him and take his place?

Adorable Baby Panda: Why did you just repeat yourselves? Deadpool: It's a recap page thing. Roll with it. Idiotic Pink Guy: Shall we go? Deadpool: Sure. BLAM! Adorable Baby Panda: What are you doing?! He was going to help us! Look at him, he's really hurting! Deadpool: The mysterious guy is always evil. I thought you read comics. Wait, he's not dead? Idiotic Pink Guy: My eye! Why did you shoot me in my {expletive deleted} eye!? Deadpool: Hey, watch your language, there are babies present! BLAM! My guns only go "blam" in this universe? Weak sauce. Adorable Baby Panda: Stop shooting him already! Idiotic Pink Guy: My other eye! You shot me in my other eye! Oh, this hurts a lot! Deadpool: Shooty-shooty isn't working. Time for stabby-stabby. Maybe a little boomy-boomy. Better look away kid, this'll be ugly.

*several stabs wounds, attempted decapitations, extra-dimensional energy blasts, and grenade explosions later*

Deadpool: Wow, that evil guy fought really well for not having any eyes. Fried my foot off. Adorable Baby Panda: Great. I'm glad you had fun. But now how are we going to find Calvin? Deadpool: Maybe Weasel's Penatraitor armor could help. . . Hey, let go of my hand! Don't stick it there, or my foot'll grow over it! ABP: Quiet! The Penatraitor armor? The thing that sent you hurtling through time, uncontrolled? No way are we using that! You are going to stop doing anything I don't tell you to do! Deadpool: So what should I do? ABP: Use an image inducer to imitate Calvin, while I talk to the Great Panda Sages about a way to cross dimensions. Deadpool: So, how do I imitate Calvin? ABP: Do the stuff he would normally do, respond to comments on his blog, and make some new posts. Now go play Heroclix at the comic store. Calvin said he was going to go, you have to keep the promise. Deadpool: You got the services of a super-cool merc like me, and you've got me playing games? CHOMP! OK, OK! I'll go!

{Later} Deadpool: Can't believe this, pretending to be a nerd, shoulda asked Weas to do it instead. Or maybe Bob. OK, I have to be Calvin. Better get into character. *opens door* Greetings comic shop proprietor, it is I, Calvin Pitt, here to play Hero Clix like I said I would whenever I said I would do that! Ken: Calvin, you OK man? Deadpool: Of course, whatever gave you that idea?! I'm just really excited! See the noticeable bulge in my pants?! Hi kids! *begins playing* What do you mean an attack of 9 with a roll of 2 hurts me? Let me roll again! Screw your tokens, let me roll again! *draws gun* (inner monologue) Wait, would Calvin shoot people over a game? Probably not, but I might. Then again, there's that baby panda to consider. Sharp teeth on that little bugger. *shudders, holsters gun* (end inner monologue) Dreadfully sorry about the loss of temper, chap. Please, let's continue the game. Hey, I hit you? I killed Batman and Robin? Woohoo, I rule! *dances on table, drops trousers* Kiss my bazoo!

Elsewhere. . .

Calvin: Why do I have the feeling I'll never be allowed back in the comic store again? And where am I? Hmm, no trees, lots of grass, very flat. I've landed in Kansas. Well, could be worse. Oh, why did I say that? Previously Unused Omniscient Narrator: And then a great beast rose from the grass. The aged for its kind, it had grown considerably in its later years, and was still a feared predator. It had the head of Roger Clemens and well, Calvin really lost any ability to discern details after noticing that. But lo, the beast was pursued, by villagers wearing suits. Some held torches and pitchforks, while others wielded pens and commemorative stationary, hats, and baseballs. And they did speak all at once, in an unintelligible babble, at great volume, making it unclear as to their true purpose, though the masses watching from the periphery probably had something to do with it. It was enough to drive a man mad. Fortunately, Calvin could only have heard half of it if he had still been there, and he wasn't still there, having run perpendicular to the direction the beast was going the moment he saw it, which soon enough lead him clear of the whole mess. Calvin: Boy, I sure hope there's a pair of wacky do-gooders working out a contrived way to save me as we speak.

{Come back tomorrow as this gets wrapped up in a wholly unsatisfying manner, at a slapdash pace, and without the slightest bit of sense to the plot developments! It'll be just like Countdown! Only much, much cheaper.}

Where'd He Go?

Hey, have any of you seen Calvin? I got here today and he's not around. I can't find him anywhere. I guess I'm on my own today. It just won't be as fun if I can't tease him. I better wrap this up fast, then try and track him down.

So hugs first, I guess. Mayday probably needs a Hug, since Hobgoblin used her as a bid in a bad guy auction. Booster and Blue Beetle need some Hugs, because they're about to get attacked by stupid OMAC things. I think Nova's past self needs a Hug after the way that girl took him to the basket. Rich, you have to move your feet, get in front of her, take the charge. At least, that's what Bill Walton said. All the people on the Suicide Squad that are getting betrayed get Hugs, because they aren't in a very good place to get betrayed. And I think Rictor needs a Hug, because Rahne just left him a letter. Probably better give Jamie a Hug too. He was acting a little stressed.

I guess Present Day Nova deserves Applause for not dying yet. And some Applause for the girl who scored the basket on Rich. Attack the basket and you either get an easy shot or some free throws, just like Bill Walton said. Or was it Jeff van Gundy? Uh, and Maybe Eiling can have some Applause for outsmarting Amanda Waller. I heard that's hard to do. Or was it that's it's isn't a good idea? Rictor gets Applause for standing up to that pimp, and Guido gets Applause for helping Rictor. This feels wrong. I ought to be working on finding Calvin, but I need help. Wade! *teleportation sound* [Can this wait? I was playing strip poker with my coworkers!] Calvin's missing, you have to help me find him! Search for clues! [What are you going to do?] I have to finish this post, then I'll help you. It's what Calvin would want. [But what if he's being tortured in some hell dimension? Don't you think he'd want us to find him?] How can you say that? Don't even think it! Just get looking!

Bonks for the Hobgoblin for being evil, naturally. Bonks for Parallax and Extant for trying to kill Booster and the Beetles, and another Bonk for Parallax for saying mean things about them. Bonk for Mike for picking on Past Nova. Flash Thompson ought to show him how a real bully does it! Bonk for General Eiling, and his little partner in crime. I know they're evil too, but a general really ought to know better than to betray his troops in the middle of a battle. And finally, Bonk for Monet for smashing that I-Phone. Yes she can afford more, but it was just mean, and she could have made someone cry. [Who did Monet make cry? Better not be Theresa, or I'll style Regina Rich's hair with some high explosives.] She didn't make anyone cry, I just said she could have! Have you found anything? [Yeah, hurry up!] Fine! Bonk for Rahne for leaving for stupid reasons instead of letting her friends help her. Now what did you find?

[Well, I found this Thanos trading card from '92, where you can clearly see his impressive metal codpiece. And I found a set of X-Men series 2 cards. Hey, there's me! Man I was ripped back then, those Joe Mad steroid treatments really paid off. Too bad about mah boys, though. They still haven't recovered.] * BONK!* Focus! [Ahh! OK! So we got the Thanos card, and his last post has lots of ravings about time travel, jumping universes, and cliche shadowy figures who are manipulating everything. Looks like he confronted one going by the screen name 'Overused Kirby Creation'. You know what that means.] What? [Ta find him, we've gotta travel through all sorts of eerily similar, yet different parallel universes, in a series of pointless one-shots designed to showcase new characters so that the fans will care when they die in the next one-shot.] Fans? [It's a 4th Wall thing, not to be confused with a Source Wall thing. Just go with it. All we need now is a visit from a total stranger with uncertain motives to offer assistance. Where is that guy?]

Idiotic Pink Guy: Greetings. I, who you have never met before, will help you find Calvin Pitt, for reasons I will not elaborate on until a moment when it will provide a properly shocking betray - I mean, because he is important to the continued existence of this world and every other. *eyes dart back and forth*

Deadpool: It's about time! But first, can you drop me off in a universe where that version of me is married to Bea Arthur, so I can kill him and take his place?

To be continued!

What I Bought 2/14/08

Well, here we are at last. It seems like it's been forever since I did reviews. I actually have a decent number of books to review this week too, which is nice, including Booster Gold. That's right, all you DC fans yelling about it finally got me to buy it! Now go back to your shanties! You must realize that we're being manipulated into this by an overused Kirby creation, an idiotic pink guy, and their chess board! How distressing.

Amazing Spider-Girl #17 - I like the covers Frenz has been giving us lately. Not earth-shattering, but more than just the characters standing around, trying to look cool. A lot happens, so let's recap: A fellow named Crimelord has Kingpin's disc, and is planning an auction. Chesbro learns of this, and informs Spider-Girl. Since she gave that disc to Drasco (the crooked cop), she confronts him about it, plants a spider-tracer on him, then follows a thief Drasco was observing. The thief appears to be the boyfriend of Mona Carlo, who had the disc before Spider-Girl relieved her of it. Hobgoblin learns of the auction. May decides to learn where Drasco lives, and by following the tracer winds up where the auction is being held, right as Hobby shows up. Hobgoblin is having Mindworm take mental control of Black Tarantula's underbosses. Deadspot has received a request for another termination. Little Ben is set to have a procedure that might restore his hearing. May is found to be the best potential blood donor between her and her parents, should the need arise. Gene Thompson wants to know if May has given any thought to getting back together.

Damn, that's a lot of stuff. Can't say I didn't get my money's worth. The primary focus is on the disc, and this Crimelord fellow (and the two possible people under the mask), but there's still movement by Hobgoblin on other fronts, the stuff with May's little brother and Gene, plus a brief Spider-Girl/Hobgoblin battle. That's pretty impressive, I gotta say. Also, Ron Frenz did one of my favorite artistic touches, the after-image shot. You know, where there's one Spider-Girl in full color, but then several others in faded, outline form to indicate the character's earlier movements in the panel. I always enjoy that. 4 out of 5.

Booster Gold #0 - I have to tell you, after three days in the '90s looking at trading cards, it's nice to get back to the present and read some comics. So in this issue, Booster and the Beetles are traveling the Time Stream when they stumble across Parallax and Extant. What?! Zero Hour?! My god, I didn't make it back from the '90s, I just jumped into a different universe's 1990s! Nooooooooo! Anyway, ParaHal is not happy to see our stalwart heroes, and says Booster and Ted disgraced the League's name. Actually, you trying to wipe out the universe and working with Extant did that Hal. Right, right, Yellow Fear Bug, not his fault, he feels bad about it, blah, blah, blah. Still a tool. The good guys escape to the 25th century. Booster thinks about the mistakes he made, and whether to fix them. He settles on a plan, but OMACs have a plan of their own.

Hey, this reminds me that I like Geoff Johns' writing sometimes! Having to drop Teen Titans in '06 made me forget that. Cool. The Future Beetle's discussion of how moved he is by Ted and Michael's friendship was a little barf-inducing. In fact, he made it sound so special I expected Mephisto to appear and offer to trade something for it. I like Dan Jurgens' art. It's easy to follow, doesn't hurt the story, there's not too much inking, though the fight scene felt flat. It's nothing flashy, but it works well for a title that feels somewhat old-fashioned in a way. 4 out of 5.

Nova Annual #1 - Is the cover supposed to be a throwback to pulp novels? Everything looks too stiff for my tastes. I suppose I'm a sucker because I bought the Annual that's really just a continuation of the current storyline, but for an extra buck. But Nova's sales need to stay up, so I'll do my part. Rich is still trying to make it Kvch, but he seems to be hallucinating, seeing who he was around the time he became Nova, and who he might be in forty years or so. It's interesting to see Richard in high school, because he suffers as an outcast like Peter Parker did, but without the benefit of being a science genius. Rich was just sort of there, and this is relevant to his becoming Nova. It's certainly different from the Green Lanterns. That's kind of nifty. The future is interesting, if terribly depressing. Eventually we learn what's actually going on, Rich makes a temporary stand, and we're done.

Hmm. I'm ready for this transmode infection to be dealt with permanently. I liked the flashback, and the future scene worked in some ways, though not as well on the whole. I think it revealed some interesting things about Rich though, what he's like, what he wants. There were different art teams for each time period. Mahmud A. Asrar handled the flashback, which was bright and colorful, and felt more old-school for it. Wellinton Alves handled the future, which felt harsh and kind of cold (and he remembered to draw the scar Rich got from Annihilus. Thank you, Wellinton Alves!). Klebs drew the scene at the end, which is the present day. It feels like Michael Lark, or maybe Alex Maleev, one of the Daredevil artists. Very grimy, gritty, which I'm not sure works for a book like Nova, but it did all right for the scene. I would probably give this a 3 under normal circumstances, but because of the extra dollar cost, 2 out of 5.

Suicide Squad #6 - I came back because the Squad finally went on a mission. They plan to attack this company that has a nasty virus, and destroy them (and probably take the virus for themselves, 'cause you know, why not?) Former General Eiling has offered to help the stuffed suits, but they aren't interested. Until things start to go bad, then they become more receptive. The Squad could really be in it this time. Or not. I'm sure they've dealt with worse. I really like Waller remotely controlling Chemo (or is it a faux-Chemo?). It's the only way to get involved in a serious assault on a heavily fortified island lab! *thumbs up*

First major plus, less focus on Rick Flag. I just don't really care about him, unless Ostrander plans on having Batman beat him up again. I'd like to see that (Bats didn't appear in this issue, I'm just throwing it out there). Second major plus, that odd conversation between Windfall and Twister. Crazy, and probably terrifying if you were an Average Joe within earshot, but hilarious to read. Third, I'm curious about Plastique not remembering her previous service in the Squad. Is that par for the course? I really want to see how Waller and her boys turn this around, and I think I'll actually enjoy watching Flag confront his past, as long as there's punching involved. 3 out of 5.

X-Factor #28 - Does Rahne seem to have an unusually large backside on that cover? And why does the background look like non-objective charcoal drawings? Inside, Rahne leaves X-Factor to destroy her life, I mean join X-Force! Who came up with that idea? PAD tries to give an explanation, and it works, but I still can't figure why that's what she thinks is the best path. Actually, I just figured out why she might think that, it's depressing. Siryn and Monet talk about babies. Rictor tries to be a stand-up guy and gets beat up. Guido has more success at being a stand-up guy (I mean, standing up for what's right, not stand-up comedian). Jamie gets a little fed up, but not as much as I initially thought. The issue ends on a sad note, not that it was a barrel of laughs before that.

I liked it better than the Messiah CompleX issues. I guess I just need to resign myself to Rahne not being on the book. There's a lot set up for the future that sounds good, but not much within the issue itself, though the Monet/Rahne scene was hilarious. The pregnancy issue, Jamie's understandable instability, the issue of the "Pans" and the "Rems", and there's still that other duplicate. There's no inker listed for this issue, but there were two for #24, the last issue Raimondi drew. That might explain why the art looks a little different. I can't place the difference, but it feels like there are more shadows here than there were in the Isolationist story, so is that Raimondi inking himself, or Raimondi, or maybe colorist Jeromy Cox, compensating for the lack of inkers. Maybe it's nothing. I don't have #24 around to compare. 3 out of 5.

Elsewhere. . .

Overused Kirby Creation: You have been cornered, Idiotic Pink Guy. . . diagonally.
Idiotic Pink Guy: What? You told me we were playing chess!
Overused Kirby Creation: To confuse the rules of the game is a strategy in itself.
Idiotic Pink Guy: Curses!
OKC: You speak so poorly.
IPG: I know, I'm not sure where it comes from.
CalvinPitt: *door flies open* You have to aaaask?
OKC & IPG: What?!
CalvinPitt: That's right, while you diptwits were busy thinking you controlled me with your little board game, I was making you jump like coked up monkeys, for I have. . . trading cards! *draws Thanos card* Now. . . kick yourself in the butt!
OKC: Those cards control a different realm. You have no power here. Only I have power here.
CalvinPitt: Damn.

ZAP!

Change Of Plans

You remember how on Monday I was complaining about snow, plus lightning and thunder? Well, the lightning and thunder was the harbinger of freezing rain, or rain that froze after it hit the ground. So the town has been pretty much an Ice Kingdom for the last two days, and UPS is a day behind on deliveries. Thus, comics tomorrow, and I'll just wrap up the 1990s trading card retrospective today, looking at the 11 new heroes, though I would use that term loosely for at least a couple of them.

Feral: Well, she died, so that Jeph Loeb might have more death in his Wolverine story, which suggests Gone for the foreseeable future. But she'd had a few appearances this decade, including during Morrison's X-Men run, so she was probably a Bit Player up until her death.

Night Thrasher: I'm not counting Dwayne's brother, who's currently assumed the identity, so that would make Night Thrasher gone, since Dwayne certainly seems to be. Before that, there was that reality TV show New Warriors mini-series, but as I recall that wasn't greeted with much fan love or good sales, so Dwayne Thrasher was probably Back of the Photo. I know, he was in Civil War #1, but being blown up and getting slandered as being sloppy, irresponsible heroes isn't good for ones profile, so I don't think it helps much.

Cable: Well, love him or hate him, Cable's certainly been Prominent. He had a mini-series in the '90s, followed by a decade-long ongoing, then a retitled ongoing (Soldier X) that ended after 12 issues, a three year run in Cable/Deadpool, and he's getting a new ongoing. Plus he's been part of X-Force, and the X-Men titles a couple of different times. I don't think he counts as an A-lister, but he is still pretty noticeable.

Thor: Sorry, they mean Eric Masterson with the power of Thor as a new character. I guess Masterson was a new character. He had about a two-year run as Thor, then he was Thunderstrike for about five more, which isn't too bad. But, he's dead now, has been for a decade, so I would say Gone.

Deathlok: Again, not the concept of Deathlok, which has been around since the mid-1970s, but the Michael Collins version. It appears that other than Beyond! (which was good), and showing up in Dwayne McDuffie's Fantastic Four run, Collins hasn't been around much since his series ended in 1994. In fact, there was apparently another Deathlok in the late 1990s, and there's all sorts of more robotic versions (lacking human intelligence) around the Marvel U. these days, if New Avengers was any indication. I'd say that thanks to McDuffie he's currently a Bit Player, but unless someone else gets the itch to use him, he'll probably start fading to the background again.

Shatterstar: Back of the Photo. He popped up a bit in notoriety there for awhile, with that X-Force mini from a few years back, and his appearance in Civil War: X-Men as one of the mutants helping the 198 leave the Xavier Institute (still not sure why he, and especially Domino, did that). He hasn't shown up anywhere since then.

Darkhawk: He was defacto team leader of that legion of losers in Kirkman's Marvel Team-Up series, only a couple of years ago. And he's a regular member of that superhero self-help group (as seen in The Loners), with the folks trying to avoid using their powers, and live normal lives instead. Neither one of those was very high-profile, though, so Back of the Photo.

Ghost Rider: Again, not the overall concept, just the Dan Ketch version. Well, his series ended in 1998, although they finally published the real final issue last year. But since '98, Johnny Blaze has been Ghost Rider, even though Ketch apparently isn't dead, and in theory is still working with that spirit that transformed him into Ghost Rider (Nobel Kale). He appears to have been lost in the shuffle, or is just being ignored. Gone.

Domino: Well, there was the Civil War: X-Men series, and her semi-regular appearances in Cable/Deadpool, much more regular when Cable was still around, so I'd at least say Bit Player.

Gambit: For better or worse, Gambit has hung around. He's been part of the X-Men off and on, may or not be a bad guy right now, but he got to take part in Messiah Complex, and I had heard that one of the X-Books would revolve around Xavier, Magneto, Rogue, and Gambit, so I'd say that qualifies as Prominent.

Sleepwalker: He was in that Legion of Losers story too, and he's got himself a supporting cast role in Ms. Marvel these days, so Bit Player sounds about right.

So, can we learn anything about characters from all this? It feels like villains have a tendency to stick, moreso than heroes. Granted, most of the heroes and rookies are still around (Masterson being an exception), but most of them are in a vastly reduced capacity, compared to what they used to be, when they were part of hot team books, or maybe even had their own ongoing series (such as Sleepwalker and Darkhawk). It could be because heroes need villains to fight, so there's always some writer willing to pull a bad guy out of the pile and throw him at the good guys, so there are more opportunities for the villains to get exposure. But heroes are usually the focus of the stories, how are they reacting to the villain, what's the relationship between the two, what does the battle tell us about the hero, etc. So there's only so much hero focus to go around, and that makes it easier for heroes to be forgotten or tossed aside until someone with a fondness for the character, and some idea what to do with them, comes along to restore their former glory. or at least get them out there where the fans can see them.

OK, reviews tomorrow, I hope.

Who Will Be The Persistent Thorn In Do-Gooder Woman's Side?

Today we take a look at the villains, and there are quite a few actually. Of the 40 villains given cards, 16 had made their premiere within five years of the cards release. Some have been consistent presences, some got overexposed (hmm, who could I be thinking of?), and some didn't last long at all, probably because they chose the wrong hero to tangle with. So let's begin.

Blackout - Ghost Rider (Dan Ketch version) foe. Body produces a light-dampening field, good since light is apparently bad for him, and in the resulting darkness, he has superhuman strength. Oh, and mechanical fangs. Really wants to sell the vampire thing, I suppose. Dracula and Morbius are likely unimpressed. Got burned trying to bite Ghost Rider, killed some of Ketch's friends and allies, survived several battles with Ghost Rider, and getting stabbed in the eye by Blaze. Was thought dead after Ghost Rider left him strung up on the Empire State Building, but was one of the villains who escaped from the Raft in New Avengers. Currently working for the Hood. Hmm, I suppose in the '90s, being a recurring enemy of Ghost Rider was a pretty sweet role, but until New Avengers he hadn't been seen in quite some time, and I kind of doubt his powers and abilities are critical to the Hood's scheme. He might have been prominent once, but he's Back of the Photo now.

Shiva - A program that downloads into killer robots designed to exterminate Weapon X members. Failed to kill Wolverine in it's initial appearance, failed to kill Sabretooth later on, failed again to kill Logan in Wolverine: Origins #1. I'm not sure it can be confirmed Shiva has successfully killed any of its targets. Given it's had one (brief) appearance in the last 15 years, I'm voting Gone.

Crossbones - Soldier for hire, usually the Red Skull's righthand man. And if he isn't, he's usually scheming to regain that position. I'm not sure how to describe Crossbones. He's frequently dependent on the Red Skull having a plan Captain America wants to stop. If Cap isn't around, Crossbones doesn't seem to show up much, so his stock rises and fails with Cap (or in the current situation, Cap's book, continuing in his absence). But, Crossbones is at least showing up regularly now, so I'd say Prominent.

Hate Monger - This Hate Monger later changed his name to Animus. He appears to be a being that feeds off hate, and can amplify those feelings in others, assume any person's appearance, and can't really be harmed physically. He showed up in Avengers first, and it looks he was a semi-regular from '91-94 in a variety of titles. Since then, he showed up in a couple of issues of the current Hercules, formerly Hulk series, #28-29, so it's been about 7 years since he last made the scene. Gone.

Slug - I know you were all waiting for this one. He's a drug-dealer, had trouble with Captain America and Nomad in his first appearance. Showed up in a Spectacular Spider-Man Annual during the Evolutionary War, though I don't recall him and the title character crossing paths. He hung around long enough to try and divvy up Kingpin's empire at some point, and he was apparently in the Raft at some point, and he might be part of the Hood's crew (Wiki lists New Avengers #35 as a reference, anyone see a really fat guy in there?) He was perhaps a bit player in his first comic, and since then, he's lucky to be Back of the Photo, but even father back than Blackout.

Mr. Sinister - I don't need to recite this guy's resume, do I? Brilliant, immortal (thanks to Apocalypse) scientist. Very interested in the Summers and the Greys. Always got lackeys running around, doing his dirty. Might have died in Messiah CompleX. Maybe. It's Mr. Sinister, nothing is what it seems. I'd say Prominent. He hasn't been around as much as say, Magneto, but Sinister is almost always up to something the X-Groups have to worry about.

Blackheart - Mephisto's "son", created from evil that accumulated at a particular spot. Tried to break Daredevil, corrupt Ghost Rider, Wolverine, and the Punisher, tried to use Wonder Man to defeat Mephisto, took over Hell at some point, and eventually was destroyed by the Midnight Sons. And that death seems to have stuck for the past decade. Of course, given Mephisto's recent work, I wouldn't be surprised to see this scamp show up soon. Gone.

Cardiac - Became a doctor, then a vigilante after his brother died because a company decided the cure wasn't cost-effective. Strikes at corporations or others who place money above lives (such as toy companies using unsafe components). Replaced his heart with a beta-particle reactor, which channels energy to his body giving him strength and agility. And the energy can be channeled into destructive blasts through his staff. Tendency to get lethal brought him into conflict with Spider-Man. Last seen by me in Wolverine #140, circa 1999, so I'd say, Gone. Too bad, I was always kind of fond of Cardiac.

Omega Red - Product of Soviet equivalent of Weapon X. Has tentacles, produces life-threatening pheromones. He fights the X-Men a lot, Wolverine even more, and is apparently a Red Mafia boss posing as a legit businessman, as of Wolverine Origins. He's certainly as much of a big deal as he was when he first hit the stage, but he's shown staying power thus far. Bit Player.

Gideon - External, can duplicate powers of those near him. Ran into X-Force a few times, served as a mentor to Sunspot, kicked the crap out of the New Warriors once. Tried to capture an odd energy source found worldwide, that wound up being Proteus (whoops). Killed by Selene. Gone.

Carnage - Offspring of Venom symbiote + serial killer. Designed to make Venom look, less crazy, I guess. Fights Spidey and Venom. A lot. Is turned into living metal by Silver Surfer, though it wears off later, reason unknown. Venom reabsorbs the symbiote, only for Kasady to get it back later. Somehow. Has offspring of its own, pulled apart by Sentry. Maybe. I'm not sure whether the current Mighty Avengers story should count as exposure for Carnage, since these are just generic symbiotes. Besides, they're just plot devices so the Mighty Avengers can get their asses whupped by Dr. Doom. Whoo, go Doom! I'm not sure Carnage was a good idea for a character, but his overexposure right from the start probably didn't help. Bit Player.

Cyber - Psycho. Critical in making Logan into a vicious animal. Beat Logan so badly their first fight, Logan was terrified of him for decades after, without remembering why. Spent some time incarcerated by Excalibur. Had his flesh devoured by Apocalypse's Dark Riders, so they could use the adamantium in his skin on Wolverine. Stuck in astral form, took over a powerful mutant with a child's mind, currently has a radioactive pacemaker strapped to his chest. So you'd figure he wouldn't be long for this world. Still, he's at least Prominent right now, if only because of his connection to Logan's stupid son.

Necrom- Sorcerer Supreme of alternate reality Earth. Came to 616, with the help of his apprentices, tried to capture the Phoenix Force. Everyone starts double-crossing each other = fail. Little piece of the Phoenix he got is left behind in a corpse, becomes Anti-Phoenix. Necrom flees to Earth-148. Conquered that Earth, eventually driven out by Kylun, retreats to 616. Absorbed the Anti-Phoenix, destroyed when he tried to absorb the entire Phoenix Force from Rachel Summers. Gone.

Venom - Once interesting, but MASSIVELY overexposed, showing up in Amazing Spider-Man at least one story a year for six+ years, then getting several mini-series, being packaged as a "Lethal Enforcer", which I guess is better than "Guy who wants to eat Spider-Man's brains!". Spawned a host of other symbiotes. And even though Brock is near death, the symbiote keeps on kicking, currently paired with the former Scorpion, and getting called a hero by the imbecilic 616-reality media, because it's a member of the Thunderbolts. His/Its star certainly isn't what it was in the mid-'90s, but he/it has had a series this decade, and is a big part of a current team book, and of course, he/it probably gets some credit for the Mighty Avengers' symbiote issues. Prominent.

Sphinx - This is the woman who fell in love with the original Sphinx, and through a bit of the power of the Ka Stone he had, was constantly reincarnated, always with knowledge of her past lives. She used that to gain great wealth,, so she could build a machine to remake the Ka Stone. She used the stone to change reality, but the New Warriors stopped her in that new reality. She saw the error of her ways, and later helped the Warriors stop the first Sphinx in his attempts to remake reality. They fused into a single being, and went back to their beginning to see if they could do better this time, and she hasn't returned since then. Gone.

Zodiak - Owner of a bookstore, meets demons who offer him powers if he kills for them. He agrees, away we go. He has power meant to represent the different signs of the Zodiac, and he ran afoul of both Ghost Rider and Dr. Strange. He lasted for about 10 issues, then someone named Suicide threw himself and Zodiak off a train, onto some spikes. Zodiak died, and he's stayed dead. Gone.

So there were few winners in that batch, though Crossbones is probably the only one that didn't get too hyped, or overused at some point. Probably helps that he's mostly a Sidekick villain, rather than a mastermind.

Continuing Our Look At The Hot Character Finds Of The Late '80s-Early '90s

Wow, there are 35 characters to cover, and the town is being hit by a snowstorm with thunder and lightning. Seems a bit unfair that. Like getting ganged up on. So I'm going to start with Rookies, then Villains tomorrow, finish with Heroes on Thursday. I'll try listing them as Prominent, Bit Player, Back of the Photo, or Gone (though not necessarily dead, or forgotten). I'm going off whatever I can find on Wikipedia, and any pages Wiki links to.

Rookies: There were nine total, one of which was more than five years old - Strong Guy, who will be twenty-five years old next year. Wow. I guess he was listed as a rookie because he had only recently joined PAD's X-Factor. Eight other rookies to consider, though.

Talon - Member of the Guardians of the Galaxy. Jim Valentino says Talon was meant to be reminiscent of the Beast during Engelhart's run on Avengers, a real party guy. Suffered spinal injury, underwent personality change after technology of the 31st century helped him. Tried to become leader, gradually ostracized by rest of team, to the extent that they didn't bring him along when they went to the past to stop the original Martian Invasion (since their universe is apparently the same as the one Killraven is from. I did not know that.) Not heard from since. Gone.

Kylun - Walked through dimensional doorway created by Widget as child of seven. Rapidly aged and mutant powers kicked in, fought to free Earth-148 from Necrom. Followed Necrom to Earth-616, joined Excalibur for about 35 issues, before deciding to ease out of crimefighting and reconnect with his parents. Next appeared at wedding of Captain Britain and Meggan, over 50 issues later (1998). No indication he's been used since then. Since he was a mutant, probably depowered. Wonder if that de-aged him as well? Gone.

Silhouette - Fought crime alongside Dwayne Taylor, pre-Night Thrasher days. Shot in spine, lost use of legs. Can walk through shadows. Joined New Warriors for about fifty issues. Went to Chicago with Night Thrasher's brother, appeared in Gambit's series later (my condolences), fought alongside Captain America in Civil War, though I only recall seeing her in a tie-in issue of Iron Man, has apparently registered since then. Has appeared in current New Warriors series. Bit Player, potentially could be prominent, depending on if she plays a recurring role in New Warriors, or perhaps the Initiative series.

Bishop - Traveled to the past. Tries to find the X-Traitor. Tries to protect Xavier, fails semi-regularly, has been lost in alternate futures, has been a cop in Mutant Town, has worked for the Pro-Regs, and is currently occupied with trying to kill a baby, to the point he accidentally shot Xavier in the head. Whoops. So he's certainly had some staying power. Bishop is solidly mid-card status, right? Pretty consistent presence in the X-verse. Prominent.

Darkhold Redeemers - Group of people join together to find the pages of the Book of Darkhold to prevent bad stuff from happening. As far as a Storytelling Engine goes, it's OK, since you can argue there are lots of pages, so it could take a really long time to get them, but the group appears to have faded after the whole Midnight Suns stuff ran its course back in the '90s. The Marvel Appendix doesn't have any appearances listed for the group after '94. Modred the Mystic showed up as recently as '98 (in the pages of Alpha Flight, Volume 3), and his former apprentice Jinx got mentioned in Civil War: Battle Damage Report, but otherwise, has nothing listed after January, 1994. Gone.

Cerise - Shi'ar who deserted after her refusal to fire on civilians got her crew killed. Wound up on Earth, joined Excalibur, had relationship with Nightcrawler (I tells ya, that Kurt Wagner is a real player). Eventually taken back to Shi'ar Empire, imprisoned pardoned, appeared in Annihilation: Ronan as one of Gamora's Graces. So, since Gamora was likely still fighting Annihilation Wave forces after the end of Annihilation (the guerrilla fighting she was planning when she and Nova parted ways), Cerise probably got infected by the Phalanx too. Unless someone saw her in that Emperor Vulcan mess. There's no mention, but any of you see her? Back of the Photo.

Slapstick - Gained weird powers by walking through funhouse mirror. Had limited series, teamed up with New Warriors once, beat the snot out of Gauntlet for trashing the New Warriors name constantly. And may I say, thank you for that, Slapstick. As Gauntlet is a fictional character, I was unable to do so myself. I would say Slapstick's Q rating has never been higher, at least not since his limited series back in '92. Still, he's just one of a cast of dozens in that book, so Bit Player.

Pantheon - Group of super-powered folks trying to help the world. Worked with Professor Hulk, were eventually lead by him, until he decided he didn't want the gig anymore, then they went to work for the government. Haven't been seen since a Hulk Annual in 1997 where some space alien assumed a form that made them believe he was Banner's kid, which they decided to protect. Until Gladiator stomped the crap out of them (the alien committed crimes against the Shi'ar in a past life). Gone.

So there's the the rookies. There's really only one that's been around consistently, and perhaps unsurprisingly, it's the one that appeared on a cartoon show. Slapstick, Silhouette, and maybe Cerise might be reaching that point where people who liked them as kids are getting a chance to write, and that's why they've reemerged, to the limited extent each one has. Might take another five to ten years before one of them gets to play Jessica Drew to some hip, young writer's Bendis.

Some Heroes Stick, Some Don't

If you read the Comics Should Be Good website, you may recall Brian Cronin's "Top 50 Marvel and DC Characters" list, where people sent in their top tens, and Mr. Cronin did yeoman's work sorting them out, and getting everything organized, and eventually expanding the lists to Top 100, then Top 200, then finally "Here's All the Votes!" I didn't participate myself. I couldn't think of 10 DC characters (I was just going to list my favorites, since he said you could use whatever criteria you wanted), and with Marvel I couldn't narrow it down to 10. I do have a DC list now, still haven't figured out that Marvel one yet. During the countdown, there was some discussion that the lists were more a reflection of what characters were prominent currently, rather than what characters were "best", however you would define that. There were some charges of elitism thrown around (because that always happens), before everyone pretty much agreed that the lists were just a generally good gauge of what characters were well-liked (or well-written, or prominent) right now, and that has merit in of itself.

I was thinking about that list recently, and thinking about the discussions in the comments about who might have ranked a decade ago, or will rank a decade from now. Then I thought there might be a way to guess, in the form of trading cards. I figure what characters get cards would probably reflect who's "in" at the time, and I just so happen to have my Marvel Universe Series 3 set, circa 1992, here at the digs (all my other sets are stored elsewhere, with most of my comics), so I'm just going to flip through, and see what jumps out, kay?

- It should surprise nobody that Totally Awesome Team of the '90s X-Force! is prominently featured. Of the 70 card labeled as "Heroes", seven are listed as members of that team (Cannonball, Domino, Shatterstar, Cable, Warpath, Siryn, and, sigh, Feral). Why no love for Boom-Boom?

- Somewhat more surprising (to me, anyway) is Excalibur's strong showing. Phoenix, Captain Britain, Nightcrawler, Shadowcat, and Meggan amongst the heroes, Cerise and Kylun listed under "Rookies". I hadn't figured that team to be that big a draw. I wonder, was Claremont off the other X-Books, and this was his only title back then? I know this is from after the X-Men split into "Blue" and "Gold" teams, for what that's worth. His association might explain it.

- The New Warriors were apparently yesterday's news by then, since Namorita, Night Thrasher and Nova were the only "Heroes" listed, and Silhouette got a rookie card. Even back then, Speedball got no love (though he did get a Marvel Universe Series 4 card). That puts the Warriors on equal ground with the Guardians of the Galaxy (Major Victory, Charlie-27, Starhawk, and Talon as a rookie). Color me surprised.

- The Wasp and Hank Pym got shut out. Scott Lang (Ant-Man) did not.

-Captain America got a card, U.S. Agent didn't. At least there's some justice. Xavier got a card, and Jubilee didn't. Weird. You'd figure with the number of X-People already in here, Jubilation Lee could have gotten hooked up. She was on the team by then (on the Blue team's "Teams" card, she's in the group shot).

- The Hardcore Era was in full swing. Ghost Rider, Blaze, Punisher, Deathlok, Morbius, Silver Sable, Nomad with his baby(?!), and Weapon Omega (!!!!!!) all get cards. Hawkeye - freaking Hawkeye! - gets nothing. And for the record, he didn't get a card in Series 4, either. Friggin' Doc Samson got a card in Series 4, but Clint Barton can't get no card love? The West Coasters as a whole got stiffed, except Iron Man. he probably didn't tell the rest of the team when to show up for their trading card photos, that's what it was.

- Ghost Rider villains I've never heard of (Zodiak, Blackout) are represented. Excalibur villain Necrom, and the New Warriors foe the Sphinx (the female version) both show up, and I guess they had both been big movers and shakers within the previous year. Doctor Octopus? Nothin'.

- For that matter, none of the Sinister Six got cards (unless you count Hobgoblin, which I guess you can), but you better believe the Slug has a card. Woohoo, the Slug! A crime boss in Marvel hotspot Miami, that can't even stand. Yeah boy, bet the kids were desperate for the Slug. I know I was back then*.

*I was not. In fact, I recall being befuddled by this card. 'Who the hell is this?', my elementary school self wondered. The card helped, but not enough to make me figure he was worth the card.

- At least Dr. Doom and Magneto made the cut. Got to respect the old masters.

- Infinity Gauntlet's effect shone through, as Adam Warlock and Thanos showed up. So did Magus. Has he appeared since Marvel got past the whole "Infinity Whatever" phase?

- I'm sure it will surprise no one that Venom and Carnage were there. I'm sure I actually was glad about that, may I be forgiven for youthful imbecility. Harry Osborn Green Goblin got a card. Good for him. Oddly enough, so did the Rose, and a cyborg version of Silvermane. But no Mysterio or Electro. I am befuddled.

- Oh yeah, Mephisto got a card, too. Booooo!

- That program that goes into killer robots, Shiva, got a card. Prior to Wolverine: Origins #1, had Shiva even appeared since Wolverine trashed it back in Wolverine #50 (first series)? They also included the Destroyer Armor, which unless someone's life force gets sucked into it, is inert. No Ultron though. Odd. He must have been taking some time off. The Mad Thinker got some love, that was nice. And so did Dracula. Did he ever fight Ghost Rider?

- Amongst time travelers, Zarrko, the Tomorrow Man was honored, but Kang was not. If I recall, Immortus was showing up in West Coast Avengers around then, which may explain that. No Fitzroy, either. I'm not complaining mind you, but they included Bishop as a "Rookie", you'd think they would include the guy that was his arch-foe, the fellow who "killed" the White Queen the first time I saw him.

- There was a "Cosmic Entities" section, which had the usual suspects like Galactus and the Stranger, but also Death and the Celestials. The fun thing was, Series 3 cards all had a quote from the characters, some more memorable than others. On Death's card it says 'Death speaks through actions, not words', and the Celestials got 'The Celestials do not speak when lesser beings are present'. Nice. Celestials are real jackasses, won't even give a quote for their trading card. Must have been a pain for their high school's Yearbook Committee.

- There was a section of cards devoted to "Teams". It was all heroes, with one exception: The Serpent Society. I know Marvel villains don't have the track record of consistent partnerships like say, Flash's Rogue's, but there weren't any other teams to include? Some iteration of the Masters of Evil, or the Sinister Six? They'd appeared in Spider-Man throughout the first half of '92, and the middle of '90, so it's not like they didn't have recent exposure. I guess I mostly just can't figure choosing the Serpent Society. Maybe they had a consistent roster, I don't know.

- Just for kicks, I want to mention that the last few cards are labeled "Milestones". One of which happens to be the "Marriage of Spider-Man", a scant five years old at the time. I can't decide what would be a better representation of that One Story: To throw that card away, or tape it to the Mephisto card. For the record, I plan to do neither, I'm just musing.

- Also listed was the Human Torch finding out he married a Skrull. I'd imagine that one is out these days. The Fall of the Kingpin. I liked that story, but it didn't really take for another 15 years, did it? Fisk (who did get a card, fyi) just kept hanging around, or setting up shop in Asia, if I recall that issue of X-Men that also told us Sebastian Shaw wasn't dead, correctly. Man, a lot used to happen in a single issue. Most of the rest are still in effect, though. Coming of Galactus. Death of Gwen Stacy. Kree/Skrull War. Operation Galactic Storm (I know they referenced that in Civil War). Not sure about Inferno, Atlantis Attacks, or "All Hulks Unite" (the story that created the really big, really smart Hulk that worked with the Pantheon and used guns). That story said that Hulk was a combination of Hulk and Banner, but now it's just considered another manifestation of the Hulk, right? I guess it could still count.

- One thing I want to investigate is if the more recently introduced characters demonstrated staying power, using characters introduced within the five years prior to these cards (1987-1992). Are they still big names? Are they bit players? Do they just show up in the back of team photos? Did they die a horrible death and haven't returned yet? But it looks like there might be quite a few of those, so I'll save that for tomorrow.

Liz, Magneto, Ultimatum

I've been thinking about Ultimate Spider-Man, and Liz having her powers suddenly flare up. She's probably a mutant, but for some reason I think she's actually the result of some genetic tampering, like Spider-Man, or Geldoff. Poor Geldoff, so disliked by the fans it drove him to the miserable 616 reality, where he probably got killed by KIA in Avengers: Initiative. Just a hard luck case. Where was I?

I guess I'm thinking of Peter mentioning his concerns to Aunt May about all the people with superpowers that have been appearing. And there was the Geldoff thing, which is several years in the past now, but I wouldn't put it past Bendis to go back to it now. And Ultimatum is going to have something to do with all that, isn't it?

At any rate, Magneto seems likely to appear soon, and I'm curious how he would react if he thought Liz was your everyday, run-o-the-mill mutant, and instead found out her powers were the result of genetic engineering. First off, would that make Liz feel better or worse? She thinks people with powers are freaks, or at least puts on a facade of feeling that way. It probably wouldn't make a difference to the kids that would heckle her, because teenagers are jerkasses regardless of the circumstance.

As for Magneto, would he make a distinction? Powers obtained through unusual DNA sequences are powers obtained through unusual DNA sequences, regardless of how the DNA got like that, after all. Would he feel bad for her, that she was being experimented on by callous humans, or angry at this sign that humans were trying to usurp Homo sapiens superior's birthright through technological means?

Adorable Baby Panda Post #71

{There ya go, a nice generic title, telling the audience what's up. What do you think?} It's bland, but I guess it's OK, until you start coming up with good titles again. {Yeah, I wouldn't bank on that anytime soon.} Aw, sure you will, you just have to keep the faith. {Well, if you think so, then I'll, I'll try.} Really? {Uh, well, I was being sarcastic, but sure, I guess so.}

So where to begin? I think Phyla and Starlord both need Hugs. Phyla's kind of sad, and Peter's not having a very good time either. {Well, Phyla bucked up a bit by the end of the issue.} Yeah, but she's still sad. I think Ms. Marvel needs a Hug too. She looked pretty down when she was sitting in the shower, and now Iron Man's going to sic her own team on her. {Yeah, Iron Man's not, he's not exactly a fountain of brilliant ideas these days. Oh well, I suppose dealing with a Skrull impostor will help Carol come to grips with her identity issues. Because Cru confronting Carol with those same issues apparently wasn't enough.} Self-discovery is an unceasing quest. {Um, righto.}


I thought he was kind of mean, but I guess Adam Warlock should get some Applause for helping Phyla out of her funk. {Objection! Adam Warlock played the "You durn kids ain't a patch on what heroes were like back in my day" card, which is lame. I move he given a Punch in the Face instead!} I don't punch people! {Yes you do! A bonk is just a punch delivered vertically rather than horizontally!} You would think that, but only because you haven't studied with the panda masters as I have. Besides, it's my post, and I say he gets applause. {Applause hoarder.} I don't hoard it, I'm very generous with it. I'm Applauding Ms. Marvel for stopping the Brood. {But she killed all of them except the Queen.} But the Brood invaded Earth, Carol has to defend her home!

Finally, I think the High Evolutionary needs a Bonk, for being a filthy traitor. {He's not a traitor, he just wants to continue his research.} . . . {OK, yeah it looks bad. But it's probably a fakeout. I'm sure he didn't use enough power to actually kill Warlock.} Well that's good. {On the other hand, the High Evolutionary is fairly amoral, as long as he gets to keep on working, so he might actually have gone bad.} What?! {In which case Warlock and Phyla can rip him to bits next issue. No worries.} You're not helping.

Enter The Bat

Tuesday night, AMC showed Enter the Dragon, to celebrate the movie's 35th anniversary. Not being up on my movie titles, I mistakenly thought this was the movie where Bruce Lee fights Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, which is gold, naturally. I was wrong, but that didn't mean I didn't enjoy Enter the Dragon. Did feel bad for Jim Kelly's character. Given that he died because of Lee's snooping around, I wonder if Lee ever gave Roper a "Sorry I got your friend killed, my bad". Probably not, risks of attending a martial arts tournament and all that.

Question 1: Early in the movie, when Lee is trying to help that younger student with his kick, and tells him he needs emotional content (at least I know where The Boondocks got that from), and he starts telling the kid to feel, not think, because it's like the finger pointing to the moon, and if you focus on the finger, you miss all the heavenly glory. He asks if the kid understands, and the kid says yes (though I bet he doesn't), I understand in the literal sense of why you shouldn't look at the finger, but I have no idea what it has to do with kicking. Guess I need years of rigorous training in the martial arts.

By the time the movie was over, and I'd watched Lee systematically beat up about 500 guys, I began to wonder who would win in an outright fight: Bruce Lee, or Batman? No utility belt or surprise attacks, just two guys in an arena, fighting it out. I have to pick Bruce Lee. We already know that Muhammad Ali can beat Superman (when Kal-El has no powers, but still), so clearly DC's heroes can not stand against the overwhelming power of real world opponents, which means, Bruce Lee wins. I think this also means Wonder Woman would lose to Billie Jean King in a tennis match, were that to take place.

And that's all I have for you tonight. Do you feel it had sufficient emotional content?

What I Bought 2/6/08

I was surprised by Conquest coming this week. The last time I checked Marvel's website it said it came out next week, but here it is, which Marvel's website now assures me was always the plan. That's fine, next week should be big anyway, and this week was light in the periodical column, so it's nice when things start to even out a bit more. And I got my Harley Quinn and Madrox hardcovers, so I'll have to pore over those later this week. Or tonight. Whichever works. Also, I'm going back to scoring books. I'm going to try and simplify, no more decimals, and just score on whether I liked it or not, as opposed to cutting an issue I didn't enjoy slack because it's the middle of an arc, or I like the concept of what they're attempting, but not the execution, or whatever. Judge the issue by itself. May not be fair, but I bought it by itself, so that's how it shall be graded. I don't know why I'm going back to that, reviews just haven't felt right, ending with some vague comment on whether I liked the comic. Sigh, I'm never going to get this figured out satisfactorily.

Annihilation: Conquest #4 - Ronan needs to step back, he's blocking part of the title. Stupid Kree, always aggressively claiming ground wherever they go. Everybody is converging on Hala. Starlord's group is already there, High Evolutionary, Quasar and Warlock are en route, and Ronan's going to be getting underway shortly I'm sure. So it's all coming together. Too bad things are going so poorly for the good guys. Ultron's trying to extract info from Starlord, Ronan's a bit extreme, and Phyla's having a serious crisis of conscience. It's largely a set-up issue.

There are a couple of errors regarding Phyla in the issue. At one point she tells Warlock she can't fly, except when her bands originally ran out of juice in her mini-series, she told Moondragon flight was pretty much all she had left. The problem is, the "no flight" thing is kind of important for how the end plays out, because it leads to that trio getting split up. The second thing is that Phyla's sword broke - the one created from quantum energy - broke like it's a regular sword, which doesn't seem right. Maybe it is, but it seemed to be added so Phyla could have a brief pity-party, and Warlock could be unpleasant to get her going again. Raney's art is OK, but I agree with someone (Jason?) in that I don't really dig his Rocket Raccoon. Maybe Rocket's face seemed too reminiscent of a cartoon character, which seems out of place in a story that seems so serious. It would have worked better in the Starlord mini, which had a bit more of a humorous streak to it, I think. 2 out of 5.

Ms. Marvel #24 - Carol certainly looks imposing doesn't she? The tail is odd. I assume it's supposed to draw our eye to Carol, but I'd think she draws the eye pretty well on her own. I'm not sure what happened in this issue. Carol was Binary again, she's kicking Brood butt, then Arana says something, and suddenly Carol feels like she's powering down. Then she is powering down. Then Cru shows up, but not for long. Then Carol puts a temporary fix on the Brood Queen problem, and then it's time for the cast to rest as they gear up for Secret Invasion! Are you ready?

I say "you", because I'm done. I just have no energy to deal with giant Skrull crossover junk. I was dumb enough to stay through those Civil War tie-in issues of Ms. Marvel that made me hate the character (not to mention all the depressing Amazing Spider-Man CW tie-ins I bought), I'm not making that mistake twice. As for this issue, I don't know. On, I think, Page 5 Carol releases a lot of energy and fries whatever Brood were left in one shot. Except it's hard to see the Brood through all the energy. They're there, but as outlines that weren't all that easy to pick out. First two times reading through, I thought Carol was just showing off, not actually doing anything, and that was why on the next page Brood Queen is smashing into a window of the mini-carrier, because the blast had inadvertently knocked her backwards, rather than the Queen smashing the window to get at humans inside. I'm not sure why Carol's powers faded when then did, or what's the significance of it (I have an idea, but nothing to back it up). Even Aaron Stack proclaiming that he had found the sexy in his new (non-Captain Marvel LMD) body didn't bring much of a smile to my face. And that's never a good sign. 2 out of 5.

Bummer. Well, I suppose the trades I got will be better, and next week is going to be large, so something will have to be good, right? Right?!

Well, DC Isn't Using Young Justice, So Why Not?

So the cover for the upcoming Ultimate Spider-Man issue showed Magneto with Spidey, Iceman, and Liz (Ultimate Firestar, I guess) charging towards him. I'd really like to see those three, plus Kitty and the Human Torch all trying to throw down with Mister Master of Magnetism to stop him from, I presume, getting his hooks into Liz. I have to say, given Liz' expressed feelings about mutants (assuming she is a mutant, and not the result of genetic tinkering like Sandman or Electro), Mags is going to have a hard sell, trying to convince her to hook up with his mutant supremacist group.

Magneto: Join our noble cause of destroying humanity.
Liz: No! Mutants are gross freaks!
M: *blinks* But you are a mutant, child.
L: Ugh, don't remind me. It's so awful, my life is over.
M: *takes deep breath, squeezes stress reduction ball*

That would probably go for some time, given the writer involved, but I'd hope for at least one panel of Magneto looking flabbergasted at Liz' dislike of her current situation.

If that's what Magneto's going to be up to, as opposed to, say, trying to attack the Triskelion after the damage it sustained during Norman Osborn's most recent escape. Per Ultimate X-Men, one of his followers (Mastermind?) is stuck there, posing as him, and maybe Magneto wouldn't see any reason to leave him stuck there any longer.

But I think it would be kind of nice to see a group of teenage heroes trying to take on what is presumably the greatest villain on Ultimate Earth these days. Remember, Dr. Doom is in the Zombieverse, Osborn's dead (still a little surprised over that ending), Fury is on trial in the Supreme Powerverse, Kingpin's under arrest, and Apocalypse hasn't done anything yet. Other than Magneto and maybe Ultimate Namor, the cupboards are a little bare for serious baddies in the Ultimate Universe. Hmm, maybe it's time for Shocker to up his game a little. There opening is there, if he could just stop losing so easily.

Anyway, I think the battle of those five teen heroes against the big bad would be fun, given the different powers involved, and with all the interpersonal relationships between the good guys. And perhaps Kong or Mary Jane (or both) could play some sort of pivotal role.

I really just want some sort of grand "dogpile on the villain" story, I think. It would be a nice change of pace for Spider-Man, since he's frequently outnumbered, or in the middle of some mess where there are dozen different people involved, and either they're all on separate teams, or they keep switching allegiances (I'm thinking of that fight with Spidey, Shang-Chi, Iron Fist, Moon Knight, Elektra, Hammerhead, and the Black Cat, with the cops outside just waiting for somebody to shoot. That was a crazy fun fight, though). This time he'd actually have numbers on his side, and it wouldn't be seemingly incompetent SHIELD agents for once. Whoo!

I Hope To Scar You For Life With This

But first, I want to give a big round of applause to the New York Giants defense. You guys did a great job keeping the world safe from the Patriots. Congratulations. And Eli Manning should enjoy the love while he can, because the first time next season he has a bad game, the New York media will jump on him with both feet all over again.

I fear I may have waited too long to post this, as it originally came to me as I was trying to go to sleep Thursday night, I believe. Ah good, it's coming back to me now, so let's begin.

I was think of One More Day/Brand New Day. No, that's not what is supposed to scar you, be patient. I was thinking how Aunt May doesn't know Peter is Spidey anymore (until in a year or so, a writer reveals she really does know, she was just waiting for Peter to come clean with her about it). I thought about what a waste that is, since I felt her knowing, and how that affected her relationship with Peter, was the only interesting thing they did with Aunt May to justify undoing her death in Amazing Spider-Man #400 (which I thought was very good). And then I started thinking about whether or not she's regressed to the stage of fretting about that 'awful, awful Spider-Man', which was usually followed by a heart attack. I was pretty sure I'd read that she does hate Spider-Man again, but now I can't find confirmation of that anywhere, so I guess I was thinking incorrectly. But I didn't know that then.

S0 May hates Spider-Man. And I thought about how she doesn't realize that she's directing that hatred at her "son", or the closest thing she's had to it. And in that moment, my mind made one of those leaps it makes that I wish it wouldn't and the result was 'It's a reverse Oedipus'. Rather than the son desiring to kill his father, and bed his mother, the mother despises her son, and in this particular case, would want to. . . bed. . . her. . . daughter-in-law, I guess? (I know, it doesn't line up right, but it was the middle of the night, you're expecting cogent thought?) From there I concluded it was good the marriage was undone, for Mary Jane's and our sakes. And since Peter will never get married, what with that aging him too much, we're spared from what would have been a truly terrifying story. And only Joe Quesada possessed the vision to see this disaster on the horizon and take steps to avert it. Except of course, that Aunt May didn't hate Spider-Man before the recent Mephisto-bartering, so it wouldn't really have been looming, but I wanted to make a joke about Quesada's marvelous foresight, so there you are. Sometimes logic must be sacrificed at the altar of our creativities.

And I wonder why I don't sleep well.

The Toughest Acts To Follow

First things first, no post tomorrow. I'm taking the day off to watch the Super Bowl with family while eating enchiladas. OK, in all likelihood the Super Bowl won't be competitive, so I'll be watching some movie with family and eating enchiladas. Same diff.

I think today's post is going to be a two-pronged question, just like a male opossum's equipment (I'm serious about that, look it up, it's forked). Part one, what are some creative teams on books that you feel get overlooked? In your opinion they had a good run, but it tends to get lost compared to what came directly before, or perhaps what came after? The two I thought of, and again, this is just my opinion that these were good runs that got lost in the shuffle, were the DeFalco/Frenz Thor run, coming as it did on the heels of Simonson's totally awesome run, and Ann Nocenti's work on Daredevil, which had the difficult task of following Miller's Born Again work. I don't think either was at the same level as their predecessor, but they may not get the love they actually merit. Obviously, your mileage on those may differ. But I was wondering if you had any runs you think qualify, say Marv Wolfman on Amazing Spider-Man, or maybe Engelhart on Fantastic Four (I don't know, I'm just throwing out people I know have worked on titles that are typically associated with other writers/artists).

The other part of the post came to me as I was trying to think of an equivalent example from DC. As you might guess, I failed. Part of that is I don't know that much about DC creative teams, but I wondered if part of it was DC's tendency to reboot things from time to time. See, I figured for a run on a title to get overshadowed, there has to be a run that's considered the definitive work with the character/team to do the overshadowing. But if your universes get rebooted every so often, that causes certain works to get tossed out, as there no longer in continuity, so it's harder to determine what would be the "definitive" work, even more so than usually with a serial character. Or I may be talking out of my ass. It happens sometimes, the doctor's say medication will help, but the side effects, forget about it.

So that was the other part of the post, what are some definitive runs for DC books. I figure Alan Moore holds that title with Swamp Thing, and I guessing Grant Morrison has it with the Animal Man, but what about Batman and Detective Comics? Is it Denny O'Neil, or is it Frank Miller's various works, or Alan Grant/Norm Breyfogle (or are they the overshadowed?) What about Superman? I recognize answers will depend on personal preference, I'm just curious to see if people feel there's a definitive Superman pre-Crisis on the Infinite Earths, and then a different one after. Do certain characters have important runs that are kept apart by Zero Hour? And if you want to discuss defining runs on Marvel books, or Image, or something else, that'd be cool too. I'll see ya on Monday.

I Can't Remember Any Lyrics For This Title

Maybe you should just give the posts titles that actually tell people something about them? {I used to. I ran out of ways to say it was a post starring an adorable baby panda. Did you see the NFL Live crew asking Shamu who was gonna win the Super Bowl? I would have almost felt sorry for everyone involved in that, except I had the misfortune to see it happen, so to heck with them.} Who did the whale pick? {The Patriots, on the basis of it sounding happier when the handler mentioned them, I think.} Well that makes sense. Orcas are evil, so they would naturally side with New England. {True, true. Any possibility you could covertly take out Brady's knee? Or do it in broad daylight. No one will believe it either way?} I am not your personal hit squad! {Fine, I was just asking.}

Well, I should give Liz a Hug, but she's on fire, so maybe someone can help her with that, and then I'll get around to helping her. {I think she's gonna need protection from Magneto more than a hug, but it's a nice start. She probably needs to calm down.} Johnny probably needs a Hug too, after that really bad date he had with that text-message girl. {He could probably use some shots as well.} I bet his powers can burn the disease out. {You think this Johnny has that level of control over his powers?} Sure, why not? I think Bobby needs a Bonk because he could have come to visit Kitty without using a big, attention-getting ice slide. {True. You have to think the student body sees someone with super powers, and immediately assumes crash positions.} Is Xavier dead in Ultimate Spider-Man? {I have no idea, which is kind of a concern since this Ultimatum thing sounds like an attempt to tie the Ultimate Universe together more tightly. If you're gonna play that, stuff has to sync up at some point, right? So who gets applause?} I'm not sure. Mary Jane did a good job showing concern for Liz after Liz had been kind of rude lately, and it was nice that Bobby brought Kitty the note from Logan, so let's give both of them some Applause. Also, I want to give Kong a Hug. {How come?} Because he seems like a nice guy, or he's really trying to be, and he likes Kitty, but I think he's always going to feel like he'll lose her to some other person with superpowers. {Feelings of inadequacy? That would explain why he played second banana to a loser like Flash for so long.} Yeah. I think that's what Peter told Kitty, wasn't it? {Something like that.}

When are you going to start getting more comics? {Soon, soon. Be patient.} I'm young, I don't have to be patient! {Ah, how I remember those days of my youth, where everything had to happen RIGHT NOW *cue shimmering visual effect*} Hey! No flashbacks! {Ruin my reminiscing will you? You leave me no choice but to turn to a life of crime! I will adopt the identity of the Flash. . .Backer! Flashbacker! Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!} What are your powers? {Let me show you, with this extended flashback to my origin!} AHHHHH! NOOOO! You fiend! {Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!} Must resist. . . overwhelming. . . nostalgia. Take. . . this! *BONK* {Agh, being hit on the head! My one weakness, as it leaves me too dazed to think back on the good old days! How did you know?} Because bonking people on the head is the answer to all problems. {That's true. I once got out of a difficult situation with a teacher by. . .} No you don't! *BONK* {OK, I'll stop now.} Good.