*Early morning. Calvin awakes to insistent pounding on his door. He rolls out of bed, Staggers to said door, and opens it* Calvin: {Yeah?} *A ball of fur smacks Calvin in the face.* Calvin: {Agh! Fuzzy face-hugger! The creatures from Alien have spawned with Care Bears! Run for your life!} *The ball of fur leaps from Calvin's face and lands next to the pile of comics. Calvin, still running around in a frenzy, slams into the door and falls to the ground.* Adorable Baby Panda: Comics!! Finally! *ABP hugs the comics.* Calvin: {*dazed* Don't say "Sorry for scaring you" or anything. Or "good morning", for that matter.} ABP: *Hopping around the room* Oh, good morning. You said to get here early. Calvin: {It's not even dawn yet!} ABP: Here, drink some of this. It's like fifteen cups of coffee at once! *Runs halfway up wall, pushes off, does triple backflip, lands on top of the dresser on the opposite side of the room.* Calvin: {Ah, no. Thanks though. Perhaps we'd better get to this before your heart explodes.}
ABP: Booster gets Applause for making fun of Chronos. Why would anyone steal clocks? It doesn't make any sense. Booster gets a Bonk for being so busy making fun of Chronos that he let the real bad guy beat him up and steal the knife, though. That was stupid. Why would he make fun of the bad guy? Just beat him up already! Calvin: {You might want to reread that paragraph before we commit to it.} No time! Until I find this man you're after, I have, no choice but to keep moving! {Man? What man? I'm not looking for anyone right now.} *ABP, trancelike* You will be, soon, all will rely on your finding the true possessor of the spirit of fire. {What?!}
*ABP, normally* What? Reed Richards gets a Bonk for building a prison in the Negative Zone, because that was really stupid. {Can you give Adam Warlock a swat for that stupid line about how there's a war coming, a War of Kings? That was terribly cheesy.} Sure! Bonk for Adam Warlock! The real one is probably in that coccoon anyway. {Pretty sure he's not.} Bet you're wrong! Whoever made a mess in Star-Lord's helmet gets a Bonk! Jack Flag gets a Hug because he can walk again! Now he can go back to Earth and beat up Bullseye! {Well, he's going by Hawkeye now. I would pay good money to see the Guardians of the Galaxy kick the hell out of Norman Osborn and his Dark Avengers for like, 50 pages, though.} How can Bullseye be Hawkeye now? {Because people in the Marvel Universe are stupid. I'm pretty sure we've covered this before.}
I'm giving that crime boss in Moon Knight a Bonk. He was going to kill his daughter to prove how tough he was, that's just terrible. {Well, the Punisher is in the area, so I'm sure he'll pay for that by the end of the story.} Moon Knight gets a Hug, since he got shot. Whoever helped him gets some applause, because that was nice of them. {Probably the Punisher.} Then Applause for the Punisher. I owe him some applause anyway, since I bet he did lots of stuff in his series that deserved it, that you wouldn't let me see. {I told you, when you're older.} How much odler? {Old enough you're mother won't get mad and eat me for letting you read Punisher MAX.} That could be years! {Sorry.} Phooey. I'm going to go hang out with Deadpool. He's not afraid of my mom, and he said I could play GTA 4 with him. {He's really looking to test his healing factor, isn't he?} Huh? {Nothing, nothing. Have a good time. Oh, wait a second. Could you give him this? *Hands ABP the weapon he took off UnCalvin*} Cool, what does it do? {No idea. That's what I'm hoping wade can figure out.} Sure, I'll give it to him. Bye! *ABP runs off in a cloud of dust* {I hope that stuff isn't addictive. I don't think this blog is ready for a Very Special Episode on the dangers of drug abuse.}
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2 comments:
So here's the thing about Dark Avengers, that I began to realize in the last issue. With most comics, it ends with a cliffhanger, and you're left to hope that the heroes can find some way to beat incredible odds (knowing that they probably will).
With Dark Avengers, you're left hoping that the villain (Morgan Le Fay in this case) will wipe out the team, and that the group will go down like chumps (knowing that they probably won't).
Not sure I like the book that much, and I know I don't like the characters, but it's kind of interesting to see that odd reversal.
seangreyson: I hadn't considered that. That is kind of interesting. I wonder how long that's sustainable, the audience rooting for the cast to crash and burn. With Thunderbolts, Busiek worked to make some of the characters more likeable, so we could root for them. I can't see Bullseye deciding that maybe being a hero is a good thing, and maybe he ought to change.
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