I tried to talk him out of it, but Alex insisted on paying Amazon $20 to rent this movie so we could watch it. So what did we get?
Mike (Will Smith) is getting married. Not to Rita (Paolo Nunez), the lady cop he clearly had some sparks with in the last movie. No, she's dating the mayor (Ioan Gruffudd), who seems like a supportive boyfriend and nice fellow, so you know he's shady. Mike's marrying his physical therapist, who we'd never seen before. But he's never processed the mental trauma of nearly dying, or dealt with his apparently deep-seeded fears that everyone he cares about dies. Which starts manifesting as panic attacks, which Will Smith demonstrates by making weird breathing noises and rolling his eyes back. Honestly, I thought he was having a heart attack, which would have been kind of grim given other events (see below.) Maybe it's a good representation of panic attacks, I don't know. Pretty sure you don't just get over it by your best friend repeatedly slapping you, though.
The situation is made worse when some cartel guys try to cover their tracks by framing the deceased captain (Joe Pantoliano) as being on the take. Mike's got to get info out of the son he learned he had in the third movie, while dealing with the guilt of never having been there for this kid, who is the one who killed Pantoliano in the first place (the murder now retconned to not be a revenge thing.)
The main villain is a real nothingburger who I remember mostly for wearing stupid ascots and suits that are too tight like he's The Rock or something. Oh, and his dumb hair. I don't know what is with this, "swept back, but raised like a mesa in the middle," look so many guys are sporting now, but it's fucking stupid. He's got a whole crew who can seemingly hack into anything, find anyone, supposed to be really dangerous, but it doesn't come off that way. He keeps going to these elaborate extents to frame Mike and Marcus, instead of just killing them and being done with it, and it makes him seem like an idiot.
As for Marcus (Martin Lawrence got himself in better shape for this one), he nearly dies of a heart attack doing the Wobble at Mike's wedding, and sees Pantoliano, who tells him it's not his time. Now he's convinced he can do whatever he wants and he'll be fine. Also, that he and Mike's souls have been reincarnated several times and keep finding each other. He keeps trying to explain these past lives to Mike, who sits there patiently going "Hmm," and clearly not believing a word of it. But listening to Marcus explain that Mike was once a donkey he owned, and Marcus is sorry for beating him, but Mike was just always so stubborn, just like he is now, was pretty funny.
That's basically where I'm at with these movies. As action movies, they're nothing special. Nothing here you haven't seen in a dozen other cop movies. The current directors don't have Bay's knack (fetish?) for excess. Take that as a positive or negative. Strange to say in a movie with a helicopter and a plane crash, at least 4 separate shootouts and DJ Khaled being hit by a van that will soon be on fire, but there you go. The thing is, it feels like the action is in service to the jokes and one-liners, so that's what sticks with me. Marcus nearly being crushed by a giant replica alligator during the climactic gunfight and screaming, 'It's like a redneck Jurassic Park in here!'
As a comedy, it works great. Alex and I laughed our asses off. From the opening bit, where Marcus has made them late to Mike's wedding, but pleads for Mike to stop so he can buy a ginger ale to settle his stomach, and then that rolls into a whole ridiculous sequence with hot dogs and a hold up. The shootout at John Salley's art gallery, where Marcus is running through a hail of gunfire, shooting two guns and hitting nothing while screaming how he doesn't give a fuck and 'I got this.' Mike's response, 'But you don't, though!' cracked me up.
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