Slap A Big Ole Bullseye On There

Thought for the day: Starlord's little squad is actually an expendable diversionary tactic by the Kree.

- Consider that Kree intelligence was kind of vague about what this thing Peter's group is looking for actually looks like, as well as where it's supposed to be. That could just be due to a lack of reliable intel, since the Phalanx quickly take control of any Kree surveillance equipment brought against them, right along with every other piece of tech in the Empire. However, seeing as this isn't the first time the Phalanx have threatened a galaxy-spanning empire, Galen-Tor could have simply used their past modus operandi as the basis to concoct a plausible reason to send a strike team in that direction.

- Consider that when Peter is being patched up in #1, Captain Chan-Dar (the Kree that was among the saved when Starlord defeated the Fallen One) tells the doctor that Peter's recovery, and the removal of his cybernetic implants are by Ronan's command. Except when Galen-Tor shows up, she comments that he's the one who ordered the removal of all cybernetic implants. Also keep in mind that Ronan is under Phalanx control, if Wraith is any indication. Would he have had time to issue such commands regarding Peter, or is he being name-dropped to reduce questioning?

- Consider that on such an apparently vital mission, one that is designed to keep the Phalanx from spreading throughout Kree space, there is not one Kree on the team. Just, as the Phalanx noted, three Terrans, a Shi'ar, a Kaliklak, a Flora Colossus, and a sentient mammal. Galen-Tor has no love of Terrans, or really, any species that isn't Kree ("Kree purity" and all that crap). Would he entrust such a mission to them, without sending at least one trusted Kree along to keep an eye on them?

- Consider that in the brief interlude with the Phalanx, when the arrival of Starlord's group is noted, the Phalanx have no idea what their objective could be. Perhaps in part because the Phalanx don't consider them to be any sort of threat (which they do mention). Perhaps in part because there really isn't anything around that the Phalanx would expect someone to target, which certainly doesn't sound like a description of the 'viral bombs' they'll use to 'seed the galaxy'. You'd think the Phalanx would expect some sort of an assault on that, consider it predictable, and note that even if the group set against them is odd, it's doing something they expected.

- Given these conjectures, I'm wondering if the Kree aren't actually planning to strike somewhere else, and are hoping to use Starlord as a diversion. It's reminiscent of an Unknown Soldier comic of my father's I read, where he recruits a Maquis group to help clear the way for a D-Day landing at. . . some place other than Normandy (I forget where). The Maquis get wiped out, except for one fellow. The whole time they expect that the Allies are going to land and that'll turn the tide on this battle. Except the Allies aren't landing there, they're just using this Maquis cell to distract the Nazis, and draw some forces away from the actual landing area. I remember that the one fellow who survived, the leader, was pretty steamed, and was going to kill the Unknown Soldier, which made sense to me, since that whole "deceiving them and using them as cannon fodder" struck me as such a dick move. He didn't do it though. I was disappointed. Anyway, I think that might be what's going on here. I'm not sure what the Kree might be targeting instead, but I'm sure there's something, and Galen was head of covert ops, so using prisoners as expendable distractions is up his alley as much as it was the Unknown Soldier's.

- Fly in the ointment: Annihilation Wave forces showed up in the same location (which means that bubble enclosing Kree space enclosed the Kree part of Annihilus' empire as well). If there is something vital there, it's likely that they could have detected it as well, and sent their own team to deal with it. Of course, it's also possible that the Kree found a way to feed false information to Ravenous, to convince him to commit forces to a similar mission. The Annihilation Wave forces did touch down after Starlord's group, so they may have just been reacting to what the Kree did. Tricking the Wave serves two purposes: 1) it weakens the bug forces, since some of them will die on their mission, and 2) it draws Phalanx attention towards the Annihilation Wave, and by extension at least attention away from the Kree, making it that much more likely that the Kree could execute whatever their actual plan is, since they'll have an extra layer of distraction.

Just something to consider.

What I Bought 8/22/07

Let us move past professors and their unusual quotes, and focus instead on the bounty of comic bookiness that appears once every seven days, known as. . . New Comic Book Day.

Annihilation: Conquest - Starlord #2 - Well I didn't expect the dying to start quite so soon, but I guess Giffen was impatient. It's always nice when friendly fire plays a role. What's, I suppose "interesting" is the best word, about it is that the team isn't making much headway. These squad members aren't dying as the group achieves various objectives, they're just dying as the team falls to get things going. They honestly haven't made any real progress towards their goal, other than to realize they don't have any clear idea what their goal looks like, and already they're losing soldiers, with at least one more casualty looming, plus a possible desertion (just a hunch).

Of course, it may turn out nobody actually died in this issue, we're just being fooled, but I don't think that's the case.

Last month, I was curious to see how Timothy Green II would do at depicting fight scenes, as issue #1 was lacking in those. Well, there was plenty of combat this issue, and well. . . the results were mixed for me. The explosions are nice, and when he can do the characters in a posed position (such as Starlord firing down at some Phalanx on page 2) it works well. But when the characters are supposed to be moving, it doesn't work quite as well (such as Starlord apparently leaping down next to Captain Universe on page 3. He looks odd). Plus, Starlord's mask looks goofier when he draws it, compared to cover artist Nic Klein. On the whole though, he does some interesting things, like the shot of Rocket Raccoon with the rocket launcher, where there's a little circle zoom in on the actual rocket, since Raccoon was pretty small in the larger panel (it was a long-distance view, so Groot could fit). Plus, there's some things with the panel composition, but I want to do a big art post on Conquest, so I'll hold off on that for now. I'm still a little surprised that Gabe was so shook up about his accident, being a soldier and all, but other than that, I think my favorite Conquest issue this month, 4.4 out of 5.

Deadpool #44 - Ron Lim's Deadpool looks bulkier than he did a few months back (circa #39). Maybe Lim is trying to keep it more similar to Reilly Brown's look, or just feeling more settled? Either way, HYDRA and Deadpool do their best to keep Wolverine from gutting Weasel, I mean the Penetraitor. This naturally leads to lots of people getting stabbed with various pointy implements, as well as lots of people shouting "Hail HYDRA!" The solution to the conflict was fairly amusing, though I'm left wondering how Wolverine, noted member of those outlaw Avengers, would have access to SHIELD information, to the point where he would know about Weasel's hacking activities. Oh well, I'm sure he has his methods, probably involving threats. Or beer. Beer is good for getting information.

Of course, I'm also wondering how Cyclops knew Wade left Weasel behind at that HYDRA base when he saved Agent X, and adopted Bob (Hail HYDRA!). I'm sure the answer is "telepaths", but then why are X-telepaths focusing on Wade (or Weasel, or whoever)? It doesn't make a lot of sense, but I suppose it works as a way to continue Wade's attempts to live up to what Cable saw in him, plus have a nifty Deadpool/Wolverine fight, complete with James getting really frustrated with Deadpool's incessant chatter. 3.8 out of 5.

Immortal Iron Fist #8 - We get a bit more story about Danny's father, and some preliminary stuff for the tournament, plus the breakdown of the matchups, and that's about it. Well, that and a guy named "Fat Cobra" trounces 100 Shaolin Terror Priests with the power of his "Sumo Thunder Stomp". That wasn't too bad, but I was hoping for more Iron Fist punching action.

One thing I do like about the brackets is that assuming Danny and Davos make it through their first matches, they have to fight in Round 2, rather than being set up in such a way that they could meet in the final. It isn't what we would expect, and that's not bad at all. Plus now I'm intensely interested in the "Prince of Orphans", who got a first-round bye. Who is this mysterious hooded figure, that sits alone?

As an aside, does anyone else think that Yu-Ti, the head of K'un-Lun, is probably evil? I mean, he (she?) wears a loose hood/mask like Cobra Commander used to use, or maybe old time Baron Zemo. Plus he (she?) wears HYDRA colors (Hail HYDRA!). There's no way he (she?) isn't evil, right?

Beyond that, not much to say. I still like Aja's art, he makes some of the people - Crane Mother - look suitably creepy. Martinez' art also works for the flashback. it reminds me a little of Green's to be honest, I think in the hair, because Martinez draws dynamic (extreme? action-oriented?) movement a bit better than Green, though I think Green draws the more basic (walking, running) better. And that's your art critque from the man with no art skills for the day. 3.1 out of 5.

Say What Now?

Amazing. I'm only two days into the new semester, and I'm already contemplating fleeing to go live in a van down by the river. Or maybe in a hut up on the mountaintop. Whichever gets better TV reception, I suppose.

Anyway, I'm sitting in a class tonight, and the professor is rambling about how odd it is being a biology person in a statistics class, since you're surrounded by math people and all. He says they look at things differently, that they have a worldview based solely on "fact", to the exclusion of reality.

Now how the hell does that work? Aren't facts part of reality? Don't facts come from observing reality, so how can you base a worldview on something, while excluding the thing that would seem to be the source of the thing you're focusing on? I'm sure the "prof" was exaggerating, but it just seems like such an odd statement to make, because I can't quite figure what the hell it means. Maybe he means facts in terms of universal laws and such, and they somehow determine these laws without interacting with the very things that are governed by them?

I don't know. It just makes me want to flee even more, but I think I'll just get some sleep instead.

So High In The Sky

I've mentioned once before my interest in alternative histories. One of the other things I used to have considerable interest in was fighter aircraft, especially World War 2 era airplanes. There's just something fascinating about how, in a short period of time, you had countries go from using biplanes (such as the British Gladiator fighters and Swordfish torpedo bombers), to early jet aircraft. Plus, it seems to be the time when air power really became a battlefield force to be reckoned with, so there's some good literature out there on it. But that's not the point of today's post. Today's post is about what you get when you mix those two things together in a game, then present it for my approval, in the form of Crimson Skies: The High Road to Revenge.

Crimson Skies is a flight sim set in the late '30s. The U.S. has fragmented in the wake of Prohibition and the Depression. Why those events would cause the United States to break into several smaller nations, I have no idea, but it did, and now air travel is where it's at, especially when it comes to commerce. And where you have big fat zeppelins full of goodies, you have air pirates. Naturally.

You play as an air pirate that gets mixed up in something a little bigger than you like, after finding an old German scientist friend of yours dead, and opt to go after the killer. Starting from the West Coast pirate hangout of Sea Haven, you travel to Chicago (heart of the Industrial States of America), Arixo (Arizona + New Mexico), and Brazil. You'll dogfight with enemies, law enforcement, protect air shipments and passenger blimps, as well as do a little smuggling here and there. If your plane is damaged, you can look for a repair shop nearby and get patched up (for a fee), or find a hanger, and appropriate a plane (and if you keep that plane through the end of the level, and take it back to your blimp, then you get to add it to your selectable crafts). If so inclined, you can choose to board your blimp during a fight, and man the guns. Just keep an eye on your health bar.

Flying is easy, pulling off aerial tricks is just a matter of how you pull back on the two thumbsticks, though those moves pull from the same "special" meter as your boost button. There aren't any jets, but there are about a dozen different aircraft to choose from, including a mini-gyro (best used to snipe from a protected position). There are large, slow, heavily armed craft, faster, less armored ones, and a few in between. You collect enough tokens (which you can find floating around in levels, or receive for completing missions), you can upgrade a plane, boosting some of the stats. It won't make a huge difference in performance, but every little bit helps.

Crimson Skies does have multi-player, and that can be a lot of fun, especially since it seems to be the one game Alex has some real skill at (he's gotten quite a bit better than me). It's not particularly difficult to pick up (my dad figured it out quickly enough), and if you enjoy flight games, you would probably enjoy this.

Quit Breaking Laws Of Physics

Do you think it's hard being a scientist in the Marvel and DC universes? I don't mean the insanely brilliant guys, the Reed Richards and Mr. Terrifics of the universe. I'm thinking of a slightly more normal level of scientific brilliance.

You've got alleged gods and mutants who change the weather if they get angry, ladies in fishnets who can make people disappear by speaking backwards, purple energy rays that can heal or kill, aliens with technology so advanced it might as well be magic. Would that just frustrate the heck out of someone?

It seems like science is about figuring out the fundamental laws that hold the universe together, but that could be difficult when there are people who can change or ignore what seem to be those laws, at a whim? Trying to figure out how organisms change over time, when you've got to consider the possibility that the organisms you see might have been genetically engineered (the Kree made the Inhumans that way, maybe there are non-sentient animals in a similar boat).

I guess the tradeoff is that it would open up a whole new world of opportunities for study, frustrating though they might be. I suppose it could be fun if you can get ahold of some alien tech, and you enjoy the challenge of taking it apart, figuring out what makes it work, and then finding a way to apply it to your world. Still, I wonder what it would be like to be presented with something like that, and spend your life just figuring out how to take it apart without risking blowing yourself up. Would that feel like a worthwhile lifetime pursuit?

Devourer Of Time

Well, I would have posted sooner, but today was the local Heroclix tourney for the Coming of Galactus event. It was supposed to be held last week, but a couple of the fellows couldn't clear their work schedule's that weekend, so we pushed it back.

As I expected, I did not win the Galactus, but honestly, I don't know where I'd put it if I had. I'd probably just sell it to one of the other guys who really wants it. Or ask Ken if he could put it on ebay or something. I made my usual mistake of making a team of several wekaer characters, while everyone else was loading up with a Herald of Galactus on their team. I could have done that, but I just don't like so much of my point total concentrated in one place. So after I was bounced out of contention, I got to watch the other guys, most of whom were playing absurdly cautious. I do cautious, sometimes, but it rarely takes long for me to say "#$%^ it", and just go charging in, to settle it one way or another. But I guess nobody wanted to miss their chance for Galacuts, but being overly aggressive.

Anyway, I did get my Terrax clix (there were four weeks of games leading up to this one. Each week, the participants got a different herald. I bought my boosters the Terrax week, but spent that Saturday helping Papafred build his barbecue so I could consume large quantities of grilled animal meat), and I pulled an Ares (second time doing that), and traded it (just like last time), to our judge for the Hawkeye clix (last time it was for the Citizen V). I'm not gonna play Ares. A) I tend towards the lower point characters, which is probably part of my problem, and B) he's a member of Tony Stark's Jerkwad, Do-Nothing Avengers, hell if I'm gonna use him. So all and all, it was a nice enough day, though I feel bad for Ken. He was hoping for turnouts in the double digits, and we only averaged about 6 or 7 players per week. I guess people were out of town, or more likely, didn't have the money. The cash aspect is probably going to keep me out of the Starro event that's coming up, that, and my lower level of interest in DC stuff.

So that's all I've got for you today. I was originally planning to do a post about whether the design for that character "Kong" in Ultimate Spider-Man was based on Bendis himself, but after looking at some pictures of BMB, I don't really think so. He doesn't have that little patch of hair on his chin, plus his head doesn't narrow as much at the top. Though I wouldn't put it past Bendis to interject himself into his comic like that, so maybe he did.

I Can Make It Longer If You Like The Style

{Let's get going.} What's wrong? {Well, the power already went out once today, I don't want to risk a repeat before we get this posted.} Oh, okay then.

Then I want to Applaud Nightshade for saving lots of people in Chicago from a volcanic eruption. She even saved some of their homes and stuff. I don't need to explain more, do I? {I think you've got it covered.} Applause for Kong and for Kitty. She could have probably made Flash really regret picking on her, but it would have only made life worse. But Kenny can whomp on Flash, and it's OK, because he's just another guy. {Yeah, best to leave the beating of imbeciles to to people who won't strain mutant-human relations by doing so.}

Hugs for Phyla and Moondragon. They just had a really bad day, with the fighting giant bugs, and the crying, and painful memories. Hugs for the city of Chicago, because of the volcano, naturally, and a Hug for Blue Devil, because it doesn't look like he's going to have an easy time getting his soul back. {Well, Hell wouldn't be Hell if it was easy to back out of a deal with them.} Hugs for Mary Jane, Kitty, and I guess Peter. It's can't be easy for any of them, and even though Peter is the one at the middle of it, he really didn't mean for it to happen.

I think lots of people need Bonks, starting with the Super-Adaptoid, because he's nothing but a coward and a copycat. Mimics the quantum bands, and then flies off and lets his soldiers fight. {You know, I'm still trying to figure out how the Super-Adaptoid got into space in the first place. First Annihilus had a Mad Thinker Android, now this. Earth villains need to stop dumping their techno-junk in space.} Uh, sure, whatever. Bonks for Dr. Gotham, for you know, the volcano thing, and Bonks to that priest that was giving Blue Devil such a hard time. He made a mistake, he knows that, and he wants to make up for it, quit being so mean. Finally, Bonks for Flash and that teacher that gave the stupid "baby" assignment. Flash is a jerk, and that assignment won't teach kids anything about being parents, so it's just pointless. {Yes! Thank you! I was hoping you'd bonk the teacher! Woohoo! Anything else?} Nope, I'm done. {Nice and quick. I thank you.}

Well, Some Island Sure Looks Empty Now

This is in regards to the abrupt appearance of an active volcano in the middle of Chicago in last month's Shadowpact.

See I was reading through a recent JSA Classified (the one starring Jakeem Thunder), and the issue had this whole big thing about how magic is about balance, and you can't magically repair one block of housing, without somehow removing the structural stability from an equally large block of housing somewhere else. I guess it's like the Law of Equivalent Exchange from Full Metal Alchemist. Although I believe that concept was always violating the 2nd Law of Thermodynamics, since if you try and make something into something else, you should lose some of the mass as heat energy, but they, supposedly, were not. I think because they were drawing on the life forces of people from a parallel reality (or something, the end of the series kind of lost me, which happens frequently, as they try to explain the batshit insane stuff going on).

Anyway, so if Dr. Gotham "made" a volcano in the middle of Chicago, then it stands to reason he would have drawn the necessary components from elsewhere? Sure, there is magma under Chicago, if you go deep enough, but it isn't a tectonically active area with passages that the magma can use to reach the surface on a regular basis. So Dr. Gotham (that name seems incredibly stupid to me right now, while it really didn't before) would have to make such things occur, and at a drastically accelerated rate. So, long thought short, is there now a volcanically active region somewhere on New Earth (assuming this is New Earth, or Earth-52, or whatever), that, well, isn't volcanically active anymore?

That might not be all bad, if the people living near it have to live in a state of awareness, ready to evacuate when the volcano got active, but people like to visit volcanoes, whether it's tourists or scientists, and with the volcano gone, that could hurt the locale's economy. Though I suppose more people might move in with the threat of lava destroying their home reduced, and the scientists would probably stick around to try and figure out what happened, so maybe it would help in the long run. Of course, if he drew from a volcanic island, it might not exist anymore, which would make what he did a double whammy of murdering evilness. And all just because he got stabbed with a spear (which was seriously oversold as being bad ass, when it couldn't put down a second-rate Mordru?).

Maybe he just drew it from a undersea volcano, and so all he did was prevent the formation of a future land mass. Then again, the earth kind of seems to be in a balance, since there are places where new land emerges, and places where it submerges (subduction zones, hey I remembered something from geology, hooray!), so if he messed with that. . . hmm.

What I Bought 8/15/07

While I was in the Marvels and Legends today, I noticed a couple of stacks of books on the counter. Upon wandering over, I saw it was the two issues of Mail Order Ninja (as plugged at Dave's Long Box!). Naturally, I had to get it, seeing as how Dave Campbell says it's the coolness and all. Though I guess I didn't actually get it, I just had Ken put it in my box. I know I've got a week coming up with no new comics, so it'll be something to get then. So I guess I should talk about what I actually did get, huh? Fine.

Annihilation: Conquest - Quasar #2 - Moondragon cries a lot in this issue. Granted, it's only three panels, but it's three separate occasions, and coming from a telepath who always seemed to keep her emotions under control. She's cries when Phyla loses control of herself. She cries when remembering how her arrogance lead to her "death". And she cries when she thinks she's about to die again. But how Phyla reacts to these moments helps me to believe the relationship between her and Moondragon.

Anyway, the issue starts with an attack by what looks like a giant, unintelligent Brood. From there Phyla and Heather continue their search for this "savior", while Phalanx-controlled Super Adaptoid hunts them. By the end of the issue, things are settled comfortably into the "bad things" category for our heroes.

Gage does a good job of mixing the characters' backstories into the ongoing story, and interjecting some action at the beginning and end of each issue, just to keep things from getting too settled. I'd imagine that for our heroes, it feels a little like Friday the 13th: you know the monsters are going to attack, but you're never sure when they'll appear. I'll a little uncertain about Lilly's artwork; sometimes I think he does well, with the weapons Phyla creates, the insects, his Super-Adaptoid (I know he draws it as it originally appeared, but when I started reading comics it was always just a faceless silver mannequin, and I like this "Composite Avenger" look more). There are other times that I'm less sold; sometimes the action seems stiff, without a sense of motion or power in the attacks. Sometimes I wonder about the poses characters are in. I did like the three page recap of Moondragon's fall from grace. It'd had this faded, grainy (or more heavily cross-hatched?) feel to it, like watching an old projection of what happened. I'm not sure who to credit for that look, the inkers maybe. 4.2 out of 5.

Shadowpact #16 - I finally remembered to tell Ken I was dropping Amazing Spider-Man this week. I bring it up because I think I've decided to drop Shadowpact as well. Zatanna on the cover is weirding me out, like her hips are too long or something, I'm not sure. It's just distracting. As to what's inside, the heroes try to save the people of Chicago from the volcano Dr. Gotham created, plus deal with Dr. Gotham. Also, Blue Devil prepares to undertake tasks from the Church to gain their help, and his lawyer hits a bit of a snag. I kind of like the lawyer bits.

I think one problem with the issue was the dialogue. For some reason, the dialogue for certain characters felt off (such as Hawkgirl's), and for others, it felt like there were no distinct voices. That what Superman said, could just as easily have come from Enchantress. It isn't something I can remember noticing prior to this issue, so maybe it was all the guest stars that brought it to the foreground. I'm not really certain. Either way, I can say I wasn't really looking forward to this issue, and I think a part of me expected the whole "massive volcano destroys Chicago" cliffhanger to be fixed somehow, which I was actually dreading. That didn't happen (well the death toll is a lot less, but it makes sense, so I'm not bothered by it), so that's nice, but I probably shouldn't by something I wasn't looking forward to. 1.8 out of 5.

Ultimate Spider-Man #112 - I wouldn't think think I would say this but, I actually kind of prefer how Immonen portrayal of Mary Jane's transformed state to Bagley's. I know, I can't believe I typed that either. In fact, the blasphemous level of that statement has caused my fingertips to burn. Ow! *several minutes later, after much cold water and guaze* I liked Bagley's depiction just fine, as he went for a sort of feral look, but Immonen's suggests more of a chimera, and I think it works, given the genetic manipulation that causes it. I still prefer Bagley's Spider-Man and MJ, though.

So Peter defeats the Shocker for the fourth (fifth?) time, with a little help from a newly attired character. Could this be the origin of Ultimate Hellcat? That's what the mask reminds me of, different color scheme aside. Not liking the exposed shoulders. This week, Peter's life is ruined by that classic "you and a partner will play parents and take care of this fake baby, and this is a big part of your grade, so don't botch it". I am so happy I never had to do that crap. But Peter doesn't have my luck, so he does. Ha! Also, SHIELD is having problems related to prisoner accommodations and rebuilding their headquarters.

Thing Bendis put into this issue I liked: the potential new relationship between two characters, including one that I like and want to see more of. Thing I didn't like: the scene between Captain Danvers and Osborn. It's not a bad scene to have, it's just poorly executed. The sheer number of times Norman demands to see Fury, and Carol says Fury ain't there. Or Carol asks where Fury is, and someone tells her Fury isn't there. It just goes on and on, around and around, like loose change in a dryer, rattling around, driving me nuts. 3.1 out of 5.

And that does it for me for the day. Good night to you all.

He's Made The Clutch On My Brain Stick

I know that Tuesday seems to be the day that I dazzle you with some deep post about how literary success can trap a person, or how there are a million different stories you can tell from the same framework, but it's not gonna happen tonight. My brain can't seem to get around just how bad Adam Carolla was as the guest host for Rome is Burning this afternoon. I know, I shouldn't watch ESPN programming (other than PTI, if only LeBatard wouldn't keep showing up), but once the semester starts next week, who knows how often I'll get the chance to watch middle-aged men act outraged because some athlete used their considerable money to purchase drugs (or used drugs to help themselves make more money)?

I mean, I kind of figured a show where all he has to do is stand up there and rant in a somewhat humorous manner about sports stories would be fairly easy for Mr. Carolla, but he looked extremely awkward up there. There were moments during his opening thoughts (also known as what he's burning on), where the camera is holding on his face, when I was sure he was reading his lines off the palm of his hand (which was below the camera shot). Maybe it was the teleprompter and Carolla just needs some glasses (or laser eye surgery), but he was stumbling to get out a coherent sentence. It was essentially how I would picture myself doing, were I to host a television show.

Ye gods, his performance actually made me wish Jim Gray had come back after yesterday's bland performance. I'm not saying Gray is any joy to watch, but he's, well, dull enough to not bother you, like those Neutrals from Futurama. I find that preferable to a guy who appears to be trying really hard to be funny (or mock-outraged, I couldn't figure out which), while being completely out of his depth. Maybe it was the suit he had to wear. It's the first time I can recall Adam Carolla being that dressed up, so maybe it threw him off. The tie cut off circulation to his brain or something. That's why I don't wear ties. Well, that and because most ties are dull, and the ones that aren't dull, you aren't allowed to wear in public.

But that's enough about ties. Hopefully, I've gotten past this block now, and I'll think of something really awesome to post for later this week.

Go, Go, Crippling Nostalgia!

I'm guessing that everybody who's played video games a lot, especially back in earlier times, has that one game they loved so much, they broke it. What I mean is, you played that game, and you played it, and you played it, until it simply wore out, because it is the nature of electronics to break down over time, just like everything else. Except maybe styrofoam. For me, the game was Power Rangers for the Game Gear.

Yes, once upon a time, I was a fan of the Power Rangers. This is back in the olden times, before the '93 movie (I'd lost interest by then). In that regard, I suppose I've got that - and likely the crush I had on the Pink Ranger - in common with any number of other kids from the early '90s. And like a kid, when I'm interested in something, I want the merchandise that goes along with it. I was never all that interested in the action figures, or clothes, but a video game for the Game Gear? That, I was very interested in, though I can't recall whether I got it as a gift, or bought it myself. Given how lousy my allowance was, smart money's on the former.

The game had a story mode, with the original five Rangers as the playable characters, the options expanding to six when you defeat the Green Ranger and bring him back to the side of Good. Each level you select a Ranger, then spend a few minutes fighting some of the cannon fodder, the Putty Patrol (this is triggering all sorts of memories), then fighting the boss, then. . . Giant Robot Monster Fight! Whooooo! (in your best Ric Flair impersonation, natch). Repeat for the next level. I beat that story mode plenty of times, but what ultimately caused the game to falter was all the hours on the versus mode.

I don't mean multiplayer, though you could do that if you and a friend both had a Game Gear (I don't recall if you both had to have the game. It never came up). In versus mode you selected a character, then fought, one at a time, against every other character the same size as you. What I mean is, for example, if you chose the Green Ranger, you'd fight the other Rangers, a Putty, and all the monsters. If you chose one of the Zords, you only fight the other Zords and the the monsters (since they could be giant-sized too). The monsters had to fight everything. For the record, this wasn't one of those endurance matches, where the foes just keep coming without your health regenerating. After you won a fight, the next battle would start fresh, full health, new, random opponent.

There was many a summer afternoon/evening I spent at my grandmother's, where I'd sit in my room, under the window and play versus mode until I'd gotten through it with every single character. That's why it was good to have the wall adapter, because batteries would never have held out the several hours necessary for that.

I even constructed an elaborate fantasy scenario, where whichever character I was playing was trying to overthrow whichever character I played last, for good reasons or ill, to take over the, well, the world I suppose. No point in just settling for the city (was it called Angel Grove?). Anyway, then the next character I picked would set forth to defeat the one before, starting out with noble intentions if it was a good character, inevitably being corrupted and corrupting those they defeated, so the whole process could start over again. That idea seemed a lot cooler back in the day. Anyway, it was a good way to pass the time during the summer, since it was too hot to be outside in the middle of the day, and my grandmother lived alone out in the country, so ways to pass the time were limited (though there was going to her friends' house to play "Marbles", which is actually very much like Sorry!, and that was fun, except their dog hated me for some reason).

Looking back, I'm surprised by how many moves the characters could have, given that you only had a directional pad and two buttons to work with. I mean, beyond the basic "punch, kick, jump kick, throw" stuff, there were flying uppercuts, shoulder blocks, weapons attacks, both for when you were already close up, and ones where you either attacked at distance, or went charging at them with some big, impressive strike. I recall Green Ranger had a pretty nasty "multiple slashes with the dagger" move. And all that depending mostly on what direction you pushed the D-pad, or whether you were tapping or holding it. They really could fit quite a bit into the games back then.

They Have Their Interests, I Have Mine

I was watching Trading Places on Comedy Central this afternoon. I've seen different parts of it at different times on TV, probably adding up to the whole movie, or close to it. I'm enjoyed it more than normal this time, because I think I finally figured out how Lewis and Billy Ray were able to ruin the Duke brothers. I probably should have figured it out sooner, but I don't follow the markets (or economics in general), and I can be quite slow at times. You have no idea how many times I had to watch Airplane! before I got the "drinking problem" joke, so I must have some comprehension blind spot when it comes to comedies.

Anyway, I put 1+1 together, and the selling, then buying, and the Dukes being stuck with a bunch of mostly worthless frozen orange juice stock made sense, but I was wondering whether the little scheme screwed over any other investors. Were there other folks who wound up like the Dukes, except they were just got caught in the crossfire? I suppose that's the risk you take in the stock market (and probably why some people enjoy investing), but wouldn't Billy Ray and Lewis' actions be something like insider trading? They knew about the crop report ahead of time and they used information to make a lot of money and bankrupt two evil old bastards. Granted, the Dukes, had their scheme worked, would be guilty of the same thing, but that just kind of makes Lewis and Billy Ray look worse, because they sank to the bad guys' level. Of course, that's part of the fun when it comes to movies, watching the villains hoist on their own petard.

Or maybe their actions just canceled out what the Dukes had planned, and the prices wound up where they would have if both the sides had just butted out. I'm just running in circles at this point.

Counterfactual

Apparently, "counterfactual" is the historian word for "what if scenario". I bring this up because I recently finished reading What If?, a collection of essays by various military historians on how a different outcome in a specific event might have changed history.

It's a book that unless you are fairly interested in history, and specifically, military history, probably has limited appeal. Fortunately, I've got two history majors for parents, so I guess enough of that got passed on genetically to make it interesting to me. Plus, I used to read a lot of Harry Turtledove's books, which were almost always What If? style historical novels, though usually taken to an extreme level (Aliens invade during World War 2! Racists travel back to the Civil War to give the South M-16s! That kind of lunacy).

In this case, the authors all take what is apparently the accepted tack for counterfactual arguments: make only small and plausible changes, and recognize that over time, the previous circumstances may wind up happening anyway. This gets brought up in a discussion of what might have happened had the Spanish Armada been better able to deal with the English fireships, perhaps due to a different wind that day. The point Geoffrey Parker makes is that while the loss of the Armada signaled the decline of Spain and the Habsburgs, and the rise of England, a victory wouldn't necessarily erase all of that future (in part due to all the Habsburg inbreeding leaving a lack of suitable heirs within a generation or two).

The thing all the writers do that I greatly appreciate is give a quick rundown of how whatever event they're discussing actually went, before going into their spiel about how if x happened, y would not have happened. I may enjoy history, but I'm not so well-versed in it that a quick recap doesn't do a world of good for getting you into the subject.

I thought the first chapter was one of the more interesting, if just for the implications William McNeill suggests. He looks at what might have happened if the Assyrians hadn't been hit by a horrible plague as they prepared to conquer Jerusalem in 701 B.C. His argument is that the people in the town would have been captured, taken back into the heart of the Assyrian Empire, and that within a few decades, the people would have abandoned their faith, since their God had failed to protect them, and without Judiasm, no Christianity, no Islam. Pretty impressive swing, though as he notes, it creates a world so foreign from ours it's practically impossible to try to describe it. So he doesn't. Still, it's remarkable to think that a walled city, managing to withstand a powerful army, even if only for a few generations (as Jerusalem was eventually conquered, and its people moved to Babylon in 586 B.C.), could change things that much.

There's other chapters as well, one about roughly ten different ways the colonies could have lost the American Revolution (and Sam Adams' name keeps coming up. Apparently he wasn't too bright when it came to politics or the military), or what happens if the Japanese had been a little more suspicious about uncoded messages about Midway Island needing a re-supply of water, or if the Mongols didn't force everyone to come back home to choose their new ruler (because the Mongol general Sabotai was about three seconds away from taking Vienna, and there wouldn't have been any stopping him at that point). So on and so on.

If nothing else, it's fun to read about all the screw-ups and tactical blunders that enable leaders to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. Whether it's impatience, or an unwillingness to share credit, or work together, or even in General Marshall's case with China, trying to bring a peaceful resolution to the conflict.

An Island, In A Sea Of Teardrops

So Ankiel hit a home run last night? {Yeah, it was on a bad curveball, and he was way out in front, and he only swung with basically one arm, but yeah.} That's sounds pretty cool. {It was actually, his swing was so ugly, it was like a Willie McGee flashback of something. And I've decided that Rick's nickname will be "Ricky-Tikki-Tavi".} That's lame! {It is not, you just need to read more Rudyard Kipling! And it's appropriate.} Really? {Yes. One day I'll explain to you how Rikki being half-drowned when the boy finds him is a metaphor for Mike Matheny slicing tendons in his finger with the hunting knife he got for his birthday right before the playoffs in 2000, and how the cobras are a metaphor for. . . peer pressure. Yeah, that's the stuff.} Are you making this up? {Sort of. There are parallels; just not really those particular parallels.} You're silly. {And you're stalling.} Am not!

We're starting with Hugs, so here's one for the little baby, Ben Parker, who - {No! No hugging that baby until the story arc is safely concluded!} But - {No buts!} Fine, then I'll Hug everyone else in the Parker family, since they're all having a bad time too. Do you promise I get to hug the baby after the story ends? {As long as the current situation gets reversed, yes.} OK, I'll move on. Is it OK if I Hug Wraith? I mean, I know he didn't seem to care about the torture, but I still feel bad for him. {Yeah, you can hug him. I don't know that it'll mean anything to a guy who only seems to feel pain, but you never know.} A Hug for that Evil Beast. {You mean the one in New Excalibur, or Dark Beast in those Endangered Species back-up stories?} The first one. He died trying to fight the bad guys, so I felt a little sad for him. {I thought the depths he went trying to delude himself was amusing. Focusing on his next breath to stay alive? He was stabbed in the heart! Breathing exercises won't help!} He was fighting his fear, cut him some slack! {OK, sorry I touched a nerve.} Well, you're being mean1

. . .

Say, where did that Dark Beast come from? {I have absolutely no idea. Something about Age of Apocalypse, but since that was a reality-altering thing that got undone, I have no idea what he's doing here. Hypertime, maybe?} Oh, that's weird. Hug for all those stranded Kree soldiers. They aren't ever going to get home are they? {If they do, it probably won't be as themselves. They'll be Phalanx drones, unless Nova 0001 pulls off something big.} I think everyone in X-Factor could use a hug. {Naw, I think Madrox and Rictor are good. Guido just needs someone to lighten up and laugh. Layla could probably use one, and a doctor too} Well, then I guess the Hug is for her. And Siryn, because she got shot. {Ah, she's probably used to that sort of thing by now.} You think so? {No.}

Oh, you can't stop being sarcastic can you? {Never! Now picture me on a mountaintop screaming "Never!" Now picture a dozen of me dancing on a stage singing "Never, never, never, never, never, never!"} I get it, never. Applause then. Hmm, Ko-Rel, the new Nova, she's doing pretty well with no training. {Well, she has military training, just no Nova Force training. I wonder if Rich being under Phalanx control affects her connection to the Nova Force. Can he just take it back from her?} That would be really bad, so let's hope he can't. {Yeah, maybe it's only Rich that's infected, not the Worldmind.} Applause for Guido, because I thought his jokes were funny. I don't get why nobody else would laugh. {New edict for Joe Quesada, similar to his "No smoking" decree: No more laughing by Marvel characters, as Marvel comics are a serious business, and there's no room for jocularity.} That's terrible! I'll Bonk him silly! {Whoa, little panda! That was me, being sarcastic again. Remember how I said I wouldn't stop?} Well, it's not funny. {It was a little funny.} No, you aren't funny. {Gasp! How could you say such cruel things? *runs sobbing from the room*} He was the one being a dork, why do I feel bad? {*returns to room* It's a gift we humans have, to make the fine, upstanding amongst us feel like tools for being that way. We're idiots that way.} You sure are. You think it would be wrong to give Dazzler Applause because I liked all the pretty lights? {Well, she might think that's a bit frivolous to be concerning yourself with right now, but they're your paws. You can clap if you want, clap if you want to.} Why did you say it twice? {Just riffing on an old song.}

{You already handed out one Bonk, I suppose, got any more?} Bonk for Carnage, or Specimen #297, or whatever, for taking advantage of his host's worries. It's not like the symbiote can do what it promised, right? {Actually, it probably can. It's just of a question of "when" it'll surrender the carrot it can dangle in front of the host's nose.} Mmm, do you have any carrots? {No. You know this is Microwaveable Territory, where fresh foods dare not venture.} Fine, then Bonk to Sage for just being totally out of control now. I don't care which people she's killing, it is totally unacceptable, and I don't like it. {Yeah, I think the "unacceptable" part made that clear. She is kind of morally ambiguous, just like Pete Wisdom. He kills people too, you know.} Yeah, but he's usually on the right side. {As far as you know.} Whatever, I want to end with an extra-hard series of Bonks to all those people at that anti-mutant concert in X-Factor. That's just so terrible of them, to be so happy about other people's misfortune, just because those people were a little different. {Like I said, people are idiots. Would I be correct in assuming that this large order of Bonks is why there are so many more pandas than normal in my apartment today?} Yes, I brought them in to help. This way everyone gets a really solid Bonk, because we won't get as tired. {Good thinking. That it?} Yes, now can we have some carrot-flavored ice cream?

*All pandas at once* Ice cream!

{Forget, there is no way I am buying ice cream for all of you. Especially carrot-flavored! What they heck is wrong with you ABP, that's just disgusting! So unless you all have pockets hidden somewhere in your fur, filled with money. . . *pauses as pandas pull gold coins from their fur* well then, we're going for ice cream! Not carrot-flavored though.}

The Things I Focus On

For some very reason, I'm hung up on the fact that Rahne Sinclair was wearing three earrings in one ear in this week's issue of X-Factor. I suppose my subconscious has given up on trying to discern where PAD is going with the larger story arc, and I've settled on trying to unravel smaller mysteries.

I suppose the reason it struck me is because I tend to associate have piercings, especially multiple piercings, as a sign of someone fairly secure with themselves. People can react negatively to lots of piercings (though that seems to be ones on the face more than the ears), and it would be a self-assured person who would wear them, regardless of other's reactions. I grant you, my basis for that is mainly that my friend Alex and most of his other friends have several piercings, and I generally consider all of them to be more self-assured than I am (but also more screwed up than me), and I've zero piercings, because I'm not a fan of letting people jab me with pointy things. So yeah, it's a weak foundation, but I think that combined with my perception of Rahne as very repressed and not interested in calling much attention to herself.

Of course, the counter to that would be that she wears a large crucifix around her neck (and now she's sporting an "X" emblem as well), but I think that's more about a reminder of her faith (and the X a way of showing what group she belongs to), less than trying to draw attention to her as an individual.

Then I noticed, upon going through some of the previous issues that this is expanding. In the X-Cell story she wasn't wearing any. OK, that was Khoi Pham, now Pablo Raimondi's back, so maybe just an artistic preference. But in the #21, she's only wearing one earring when she goes to check on Rictor. Now she's wearing three. I must say, seeing that made me feel a little better, because I feel like there's a little more substance to my noticing that (not a lot, but better than nothing).

The one thing PAD keeps going back to is that Rahne doesn't trust her wolf self; that she only lets it out when she really has to, or when she wants to hurt someone, because she doesn't entirely trust it not to go all "Hulk Smash" on an innocent person. So I'm wondering if this isn't a sign of either an inner conflict between her two halves (Which would be appropriate, given the struggles so many of the team have with themselves), or a sign that they're coming to a reconciliation. Perhaps Rahne is going to start trusting her instincts more, let loose a little, and by becoming more accepting of that half she always feared, she'll lower the danger. Being more expressive about how she feels might just act as a pressure valve, by letting that instinctual half have a little more play, instead of only turning to it in emergencies.

I guess I'll have to wait and see. And check on it when #23 comes out next month.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to prepare for Rick Ankiel's hopefully successful return to the majors - as an outfielder. I fully predict a huge standing ovation when he first comes up to bat; too many fans have (metaphorically) bled for too long, hoping he'd find his way back. Sure, they were hoping he'd return as a pitcher, but you it's not a perfect world.

What I Bought 8/8/07

I hate summer. It's too damn hot and sticky for me to fully enjoy as I would like. I have to remember, when I become a full-fledged member of the workforce, to take vacations in more temperate seasons (or more temperate locales). But that's for the future, these five reviews are for the present. And I guess also for the future, since people who haven't read them yet may some day stumble across them. And maybe for the past as well, since they can probably chart some sort of downward spiral of mental health when compared to similar posts from earlier in the blog's history, and posts that are yet to come. Anyway, spoilers and warnings, and what have you.

Amazing Spider-Girl #11 - Tom DeFalco seems to be going with a time-tested axiom for people whose codenames start with "Spider-": they have to take the bad with the good. Every time May has fortune smile upon her, it promptly follows that with a pie to the face. It should be good that SHIELD is out combing the city, because they can help her find Carnage - except SHIELD is convinced she stole Specimen #297, and so they're focusing all their energy on catching her. Typical SHIELD. May makes a connection with the symbiote's host, but it only serves to strengthen the connection between the host and the symbiote. Drat. May saves her little brother, but. . . well, it's more bad news.

It's a solid enough issue, as DeFalco/Frenz continue to convince me that bringing Carnage back into play wasn't a horrible mistake. They spend a brief moment covering what Mary Jane is up to, before turning the focus to May and Peter (who gets one of those classic Spidey moments where he triumphs through will and determination. It's not up there with lifting all that rubble to get the medical serum in Amazing Spider-Man #33, but it's not bad). Frenz does his usual solid job, and it's got pretty decent momentum for a middle chapter of a multi-issue arc (at least by today's standards). 3.8 out of 5.

Annihilation: Conquest - Wraith #2 - I feel kind of sad after reading this. Chris Sims seemed hopeful that Wraith might be Marvel's way of slipping ROM back into the Marvel Universe, without officially reinserting ROM in the Marvel Universe. Since the latter half of this issue is "Wraith" (as Ronan describes him) telling us all about who he is and how he came to be, it seems unlikely this is the greatest of the SpaceKnights (which is much cooler than being the greatest of the Green Lanterns. I'm just saying).

Ronan seems in an odd place, infected by the Phalanx, obedient, but still free enough to be pissed at his situation. I have a feeling that means something, as does Super-Skrull's current resistance, and what Wraith said about why the Phalanx fear him, but it's a thought that needs more work. Mr. Hotz' work is dark and moody, and appropriately creepy for what seems very much like a horror movie, but on the whole I didn't enjoy this issue that much. It felt cheap to just get all of Wraith's origin in one setting like we did. 2.9 out of 5.

New Excalibur #22 - I'm curious as to what Claremont's up to here with Dazzler. She's getting progressively angrier, more prone to respond with violence to anything. Maybe it's a response to dying multiple times in the first two years of this title, but it feels too abrupt of a shift from where she was previously. It could be an attempt to mirror what's happening to Sage, as she seems to be falling farther under Albion's control, more willing to kill for him all the time (though she's only killed Dark X-Men so far, which I guess can be her "out" when this is all over).

Olliffe's artwork is more to my liking than Scot Eaton's was, personally. Because really, if you're going to do a story where the bad guys conquer a country, and the good guys will have several skirmishes with the bad guys, then you need someone who can draw good fight scenes, and I think Olliffe does that better than Eaton did. Better representation of movement, force, action, however you want to describe it. Knows when to go close-up, or wide-angle.

Things feel too disjointed in this issue. Both sides have forces scattered all over, and I think it would have helped to have a quick stop over at Captain Britain's location. After all, the previous issue ended with Dark Jean freaking out as she telepathically senses Dark Scott's death; you'd think they might want to touch on that. Did she go comatose, or Dark Phoenix? Has she dissolved the Dark X-Men's partnership with Excalibur? Is she charging towards London as we speak? Or trying to vent her fury on Lionheart/Captain Britain/The Queen, etc.? 2.4 out of 5.

And what the heck was up with the second-to-last page, with the 13-panel death of Dark Beast?

Nova #5 - Well, congratulations to the Nova Corps. There's 2 of you now. Ko-Rel, the new Nova, is going to have to learn on the job, but the Worldmind seems to to be helping with that, at least as far as activating powers at proper moments. Problem being, Ko-Rel's increase in station comes with a boatload of Phalanx forces on the prowl, including Gamora, and a SpaceKnight.

No, it's not ROM. No, I don't know when ROM's going to show up and save the day. Hopefully soon. Whereas Wraith is taking more of a horror approach to the Phalanx (with large, and seemingly painful methods of maintaining control), Nova is going for more of a Indiana Jones feel, since it seems to mix fighting with some humor (the reactions of the other Kree to Ko-Rel's new outfit), plus the Phalanx conversion isn't portrayed as nearly so painful or difficult (unless someone was playing opossum there at the end). Which I guess makes Worldmind Sean Connery. "Your mother liked it ruff Ko-Rel!" I'm very sorry about that. 3.9 out of 5.

X-Factor #22 - Well, for everyone that doesn't like Layla Miller, this may just be the issue for you. As for the rest of us, well, I'm not sure it's "the" issue for us, but it's not bad. I'm still very happy to have Pablo Raimondi back on art duties; he draws violent acts much more effectively than Khoi Pham did.

So the Huber fellow has an idea to save mutants, and he wants Jamie to spearhead the idea. It's an interesting idea, one that probably fits within the letter of the law, though I can't imagine some of the people it applies to being very happy about it. I agree with Guido though, people around X-Factor used to have a sense of humor, and even laugh at stuff. I laughed at his "skink" pun though, so maybe that counts for something. Can you believe my spellcheck doesn't recognize skink? It's a type of reptile! Stupid worthless spellcheck. Where was I?

Siryn and Monet seem like they're going to have a bit more trouble completing this mission than they planned (imagine that!), and I'm curious to see whether that ties into Huber somehow. Seeing as so many things seem to be connected in this book, I'm thinking there must be some connection, but I can't guess at what. It's a solid issue, mostly set-up. but with some amusing moments, and it was just sort of there. I may be starting to take X-Factor for granted. 3.5 out of 5.

From One Point, Many Paths

Recently, I've found myself thinking about the idea that there are no more original ideas, that everything is stolen, or borrowed, or adapted from other ideas. I don't know whether original ideas are dead or not, and I don't suppose we will know until another truly original idea shows up (and then there's the question of whether we recognize it for what it is). But what I was thinking was, that it's fascinating how so many stories can start from the same very basic point, and go in so many different directions.

Someone once said - I've forgotten who, but I think it was in a textbook I had once - that every movie involves either a stranger coming to town, or someone leaving town. It you extrapolate "town" to a broader sense of where you feel comfortable, then that idea really can be applied to widely disparate movies. In Casablanca, Ilsa and Paul enter the occupied town of Casablanca, and stir things up a bit. In High Plains Drifter, the Stranger comes to Lago, and forces the townspeople to deal with the things they've done. In Happy Gilmore, an angry young man enters the stuffed shirt world of the PGA, and ruffles a lot of feathers. In each case, it's someone new entering a place that had been in a fairly static pattern prior to that. But from that initial starting point, you can get a touching story about love, duty, standing up for the right thing, making tough choices. You can also get a dark story about the uglier side of humanity and what they'll do to protect their interests, and how sweet it is to see their comeuppance. Or you can get High Plains Drifter. *rimshot*

Man, I hope people got the joke there.

If you turn to the realm of superhero comics, it would seem like most of the capes are working off the pattern Superman established, with the strange powers and costumes, and using them to fight evil, and defend those who can't defend themselves. But it's who (or what) they fight, the characters they're surrounded by. Daredevil fights muggers, and corruption in the legal system, Superman fights against alien menaces, and weird super-geniuses. What they defend, how, why they do it makes all the difference. The basic blueprint may start the same, but the aesthetic touches make them wind up in very different, but equally interesting purposes.

A person being murdered is a pretty common starting point for a story., but whereas Stephen King might use that death to examine how it changes a person through their lives, and how children cope with fear, Michael Connelly would probably look at it as an opportunity to discuss failings in law enforcement, the tendency for things to be covered up or fall through the cracks. I just find that fascinating, how a similar starting point can lead to such diverse outcomes, depending on where the creator's interest lies, and what they're trying to accomplish with the work. In a certain sense, the stories are just derivations of the same old thing, but in other ways, they are unique, special works (yes, even Happy Gilmore, to a certain extent, anyway).

It's Like Quantum Leap. . . With Miniguns

Let's get one thing about Timesplitters 2 out of the way right off the bat: It is not, as the quote on the box says, 'The heir apparent to Goldeneye'. It's certainly closer to that title than Goldeneye: Rogue Agent was, but I wouldn't say Timesplitters 2 is in the same league as the truly top-notch first-person shooters.

Which isn't to say it can't be a lot of fun. It's a fairly simple game, with your character jumping to different time periods to collect crystals that will help you defeat the evil aliens in your time. To that end, you run through levels, killing people here, saving others there, occasionally needing to find a certain document or defuse a bomb. Nothing at all complicated or ground-breaking.

I'd say the strong points of the game are multiplayer and co-op mode. It's always nice to be able to play through a level with a friend, though some friends are more harm than help, especially when stealth is required. The game itself has some issues, mostly pertaining to the checkpoints. See, if Player A is lagging behind to do a serious search for hidden areas and ammo, and Player B charges ahead blindly to the checkpoint, A will be automatically warped to B's location, which can lead to confusion and annoyance, especially if there winds up being something back there you needed to find. Sadly, they still hadn't fixed that glitch by the time they released Timsplitters: Future Perfect. In fact, I think it was even worse in some ways, probably since the objectives were sometimes more complicated, and so abrupt shifting like that had a better chance of screwing you up. But, when the game's issues or your partner's inadequacies get you down, you can always switch to good, old, simple multiplayer and spend some time killing random foes, or the friend that's driving you nuts.

The multiplayer challenges are standard fare, with the free-for-alls, and capture the flag, and so on and so forth, as there's quite a few characters to choose from, each with varying levels of speed, agility, and resistance to damage. Plus you can mix and match which weapons are available in each level if you want, which adds a little more variation to the game. There's also Arcade mode, where you can take little challenges, like seeing how long you can stay alive against endless hordes of zombies, and trying to win trophies for high scores, which will also let you unlock levels or new characters to use in multiplayer, depending on circumstance.

Future Perfect isn't much different really, except they spent a little more time letting you get to know the main character, Leon, and adding humor to the game through the cutscenes. It's a contrast to Timesplitters 2, where Leon doesn't talk all that much, and he's very much a grim avenger time hero, while in Future Perfect he takes a more light-hearted, "this is fun!" approach to saving the universe, epitomized in his (horrific) catchphrase 'It's time to split!', which is usually met by awkward silence from whomever he's teamed up with in that time period. Which is basically how I'd react if someone said that to me. Well, that and running away from them very fast.

I've Waited So Long, I Can't Think Of A Title

I bought my copy of Hellsing Volume 8 this Friday. I have been waiting eagerly for it to be released since I finished reading Volume 7, which was roughly Halloween . . . of 2005. Twenty-one months. That level of waiting is not good for the book, because the longer I have to wait, the more my expectations rise, because damnit, I am a fanboy, and if I have to wait damn near two years, I am entitled to have my eyes explode from the sheer kickassedness of your product when I get it. By that measuring stick, Hellsing Vol. 8 fails, as my eyes sit safely whole within their sockets, just as they did before I read it.

Which isn't to say it isn't good.

To be fair, Volume 8 was going to be hard-pressed to match up to Volume 7, which had Seras Victoria come into her own as a creature of the night, and ended with an army of Nazi vampires squaring off in London with an army of Catholic Knights, determined not only to eliminate these demons, but to then carry out an Inquisition on the surviving English. And that's the point when Alucard sailed up the river on the burned out hulk of an aircraft carrier. So yes, quite the spot to end a volume, and quite the place to leave me hanging, lo these many months.

Volume 8 does put on quite a show though. It's amusing to watch the two armies, previously so determined to kill each other, turn all their attention to this one vampire that leaps from the ship and lands amongst them. Of course, when he's a vampire with a pair of large handguns (including his 13mm Jackal) and the superhuman reflexes to use them, and he can call forth a loyal army consisting of every single person he's ever bitten (we're talking four digit number here people, including other creatures of the night), well, it's a bit more understandable. And when that army proceeds to impale most of both sides on large wooden pikes, well you can almost feel sorry for them. Almost (I mean, one side consists of Nazis, and the other side did plan on conducting an Inquisition, so compassion only stretches so far). What's impressive is Alucard unleashes this particular level of destruction because his Master, Integra Hellsing, gives him this highly descriptive order: 'Destroy them all. Do not allow them to go from this island alive. With your silver gun, dye the white-robed army vermilion. With your iron gun, dye the black-robed army scarlet. Dye every last one of our foes through with red. Kill all enemies! All that you see!!'

Suffice it to say, Integra Hellsing does not #$%^ around.

The most interesting parallel lies between Alucard, and the one he considers his rival, Father Anderson. Alucard seems to have been a man who became a monster out of some notion that killing lots of people would serve God, Anderson will become a monster to destroy one, in the service of that same God. Alucard's reactions to Anderson are what catch my attention throughout the volume, how impressed he is with the "paladin" (as Papafred dubbed him) making his way through the undead army, holding what's left of his left arm in his teeth, because it still holds a blade, and he intends to use it, and how sad Alucard is when Anderson chooses to become a monster. I think Alucard sees the man he was reflected in this man who is so dedicated to his cause that nothing else is of importance.

I'm not certain what else to say, other than I now await Volume 9, and Volume 10, whatever day in the future they may be released (I don't think they've been finished even in Japan, so their release here is still well off). The art is dark, and quite bloody, but still very expressive, and in general not horribly difficult to follow, though there are moments when I really wish this was on American comic-sized pages, because I think it would just look so much nicer with that extra space to use. The story still has a way to go, as the Catholics are bloodied but far from beaten, and the Nazi commander seems to have expected everything that's happened, and has likely several trump cards still to play.

Based on what I saw in this volume, I hope one of the things he's counting on isn't his aim with a firearm. He's just terrible. I'd give it a 4.0 out of 5, but Volume 7 would have netted a solid 5 out of 5, so keep that in mind for comparison's sake.

Pulling A Fast One

I was thinking about that little girl Barracuda surprised Punisher with this week. I'm pretty sure we're supposed to believe Frank's the father; I'm positive that's what Barracuda wants Frank to think, because it's a way to really twist the knife on Castle. I'm just not sure I buy it, because it seems too obvious.

We know that Frank and O'Brien had a brief physical relationship (during "Black is White, Up is Down"), and that afterwards O'Brien went somewhere for an unspecified amount of time (12 issues to us), before reappearing to kill some old acquaintances of hers (during "Man of Stone"). Was the time period in between long enough for her to have a child? Possible, since we don't really know how long it was (or if one of the issues said specifically, I don't remember). But still, I can't shake the feeling it's a ruse.

The whole reason Frank is in the predicament he's in now is because he got suckered. He thought several criminal organizations were having a meeting to decide how to divide the territory the Italian mobs were too weak too control (thanks to Frank's dedicated efforts), when it was really Barracuda setting it up to draw out the Punisher. I just think that's Barracuda's misdirection mirrors a larger misdirection being pulled by Garth Ennis.

For the record, I have no suggestions as to whom (is that a proper place to use whom?) the father might be, if not Frank. I think the little girl looks to young to be the product of O'Brien's disastrous marriage to Rawlings, or the result of his leaving her in the hands of those "acquaintances" I mentioned earlier. I think Rawlings figured, even if he wasn't the father, Frank would care enough to do something to help care for the child, even if it's just sending some of that drug money he confiscates to help pay for doctor bills or school, instead of using it to get ammo for his M-60.

I guess I'll have to wait and see.

Nichts Ist Fuer Dich, Nichts War Fuer Dich

German? {Yep. Rammstein was in the CD player this morning. Where was I?} Deadpool had just gotten smacked around by Cable, who was being controlled by his organic virus thing, and working with Magneto. {Right. So Deadpool shoots in Cable's direction, but misses badly. Cable laughs about it and calls him "Deadfool", but Wade was actually aiming at a flagpole, which falls on Cable's head, stunning him long enough for Deadpool to get up and somehow punch the techno-organic virus out of Cable.} He punched a virus out of somebody? That doesn't make any sense! {It's a dream! It doesn't have to make sense, and besides, you asked! Now are you ready to get started?} I guess, that's a pretty weird dream though. {Yes, yes, my mental issues are great and varied, just get on with it.}

Applause for Aaron Stack, because Ms. Marvel needs someone to be amusing. It's always so serious, with DNA bombs, and MODOK's lousy son, and Carol doing stupid stuff and feeling really bad about it later. {Yeah, but the feeling bad makes her go back and fix it sometimes, like getting Julia Carpenter back with her daughter.} But now she's going to get in trouble for that, and feel bad all over again! {Well, yes, she could have avoided all this by just not joining Iron Man's side to start, but it's a little late for self-recriminations about that now. I thought we were talking about Machine Man?} Oh yeah. What do you suppose he was doing with that hand he was carrying? {Uh. . . hey there's gotta be some people you want to bonk right? Better get to it before they escape.}

No one escapes Panda Bonking! {Is it like an Inquisition?} Huh? {Never mind. Before your time.} Bonks to the Puppet Master, because he's being evil and really, really creepy. Between the kidnapping and selling people, well, I think I need to crack his big, what's a nice word for skull? {Noggin?} Yes! I'm going to crack his noggin like an egg! And then I'm going to Bonk Iron Man. {What? He wasn't even in any of the books I - oh, you're anticipating Sallyp's request, aren't you?} Yes I am.

I'm trying to decide who I should Hug. I think Thor, because he's really lonely {Which JMS wouldn't stop reminding us of}, and Rick Sheridan, because he doesn't even have super-powers, but he still has to work for SHIELD. {It probably isn't so bad. He gets all the health benefits, and the pension, which Sleepwalker doesn't need, and Rick doesn't have to be anywhere near the fighting, since he's probably asleep on the ship.} You're right, that is pretty cushy. Still, it's going to be weird, with Aaron Stack making inappropriate comments about Ms. Marvel all the time. {Hmm, good point. I guess he better get used to keeping a low profile.}

Well, I'm done. {Great. It's freaking hot today. You want ice cream?} Yes! {Well, better get going then, because I haven't got any. Ha, ha! What are you looking at me like that for? Alright! We'll go get some ice cream! Just let go of my arm!}

The Intricacies Of The Gamma-Irradiated Mind

So, I was looking through World War Hulk #3, and a question was raised in my mind. This will include spoilers to the issue, so for those of you planning to get the issue in the near future, who don't want any of it ruined, leave now. The rest of us will wait. But not too long.

OK, so Dr. Stran - well, hurry up and 'git', already! Damn, you give people an opportunity to leave, and they milk it for all it's worth. As I was saying, Dr. Strange is in Hulk's mind. He wants to talk to Banner. Hulk changes to Banner, he and Strange talk, Strange convinces Banner that its time to end this, and to get out of the astral plane before the Army trashes his body. Except, Banner changes back to Hulk and breaks Doc's hands. Ouch. Where's Night Nurse when you need her?

So what I'm wondering is, what does that scene say about Hulk's state of mind? We all know he's filled with loss, and anger, and a desire for revenge, and anger, and a sense of righteousness, and of course, anger, but what does it mean for the Banner/Hulk situation? I've got three possible theories:

1) Hulk pretended to be Banner. As Strange said, they were in Hulk's mind, their surroundings created by the Hulk's mind. Perhaps the Hulk took advantage of this to fool Strange into thinking he was talking to Banner with a little astral projection trickery?

2) Banner and Hulk are working together. I don't know how fond Banner was of the planet he landed on, or how he felt about being a ruler, with a wife and kid on the way. Maybe none of that means anything to him. But I'm pretty sure he could be angry about the "We tricked you and we're shooting you into deep space" thing. In that case, he could have willingly come out to draw Strange in where Hulk could reemerge and get a hold of the sorcerer.

3) Doc Sampson was right when he suggested to She-Hulk that Banner might never had been the real person at all, that he was always just a form the Hulk hid behind. In that case, the Hulk could bring Banner out at will (or honestly, any other form of the Hulk that we've ever seen), as the situation demands. But he'd still be in control, and could revert to his current form.

The first option would indicate the Hulk's been learning some new tricks, probably from that annoying bastard that keeps saying 'If one must die, let them die well.' Man, that got old after five seconds. The second option indicates Hulk and Banner actually working together, unified in purpose at the very least, like they supposedly were back when Peter David did that "Unify the Hulks" story around #375, and we got the biggest, smartest, strongest Hulk ever, which turned out to just be another type of Hulk. The third option plays off an idea I associate with Paul Jenkins (though it probably is much older than that). The idea that all the Hulks are just different personality types manifested, but they're all Banner in some regard. Except now, it would be that they're all aspects of this Hulk in some regard, but he's the "true" form.

Those are my thoughts. If you have any you'd like to contribute, feel free.

What I Bought 8/1/07

Last night was just full of weird dreams. One involved rattlesnakes, a spider the size of a medium dog (with a scorpion tail), and me trying to kill a person with poisoned fish and a walking stick. Yeah, I don't understand it either. Compared to that, the one with Deadpool in it was positively relaxing. For today, you get two reviews, with a teaser for a third, and the assurances that I'll be giving you a fourth review sometime this weekend as well. So, with that out of the way, we can proceed. . . to the part where I remind you that there could be spoilers, so that now we can begin.

Warbird #18 - This issue can be summed up in two sentences. Sentence #1: Carol Danvers meets the new members of her team. Sentence #2: Villain who is revealed at the end of the issue is kidnapping women for really skeevy purposes. I mean, the villainous plot of this story arc makes me uncomfortable, you know? Just nasty. Hmm, I've gone more than two sentences. Well, might as well keep going then.

Also, before anyone else mentions it, I wanted to direct your attention to the cover. See, a lot of people were disappointed (or maybe just confused) when it looked like Citizen Steel got a "reduction" on that recent Justice Society cover. Well, have no fears, because Greg Horn is here to present his latest work, Machine Man With Noticeable Bulge! No wonder Carol looks so embarrassed. While this makes me wonder about Machine Man joining the book, Reed is trying to stay true to the NextWave characterization, and does a good enough job of it, so the book provides a lot more levity than it used to.

Anyway, not much actually happens in this issue with the main plot, but there are some interesting subplots, as Carol tries to get in touch with her boyfriend (not Wonder Man), and Jonah squares off with Carol's publicist over a photo he ran of her kissing Simon (which took place in Seattle; why so prominently featured in a New York paper?) Also, Arana returns to the book for the first time since her run in with Doomsday Man. Since I like her interactions with Ms. Marvel, that's a plus in my book. What else to say? Reed's writing is about as usual; witty banter and clever lines abound, and Carol continues to be placed on the defensive. She's always reacting to what goes on around her, never initiating it seems. Lopresti's art is still nice, conveys the action well, makes emotions clear. It's nothing groundbreaking, but it serves the story well, so no complaints. 2.8 out of 5, as it wasn't entirely gripping or anything.

The Punisher #50 - Can I just say that I'm not a huge fan of the Howard Chaykin art? It's too rough for my tastes. I will give him credit, his Frank Castle looks old. Heavily lined and saggy in the face, particularly the close-up on page 13. Probably meant to be a combination of age and the emotional place he's in. That's right, Frank Castle is a little shook up by a dream he had, one of those wonderful "what if?" dreams. It's got him off his game, and that's gonna put him in a vulnerable position given who's taking aim at him. Yes, Barracuda's back. Down to one eye, and missing several fingers, but still as foul-mouthed and viciously effective as they come.

And he's got just the thing to mess with Punisher, given his state of mind. Of course, someone is pulling Barracuda's strings, but he's doesn't care about that, and right now, Castle probably shouldn't either. I'm not sure how this is going to go, but I have to give Ennis credit, he keeps finding new things, new ways to examine Frank Castle, which is probably why I'm still interested in this book, even though it is very much the same from month-to-month. 3.5 out of 5.

Thor #2 - Sorry, you'll have to wait until this weekend for this review, because I'm the guest reviewer over at The Legion of Doom this weekend. So you can find out what I thought about it then. Plus, I'll have another review to put up here by then, so you know, good times.