What I Bought 8/30/06

I don't have much to say to kick this week's selection off. Four titles, which is the most I've had in three or four weeks, I think. Two of them were, well, disappointing. Let's just get to it. Watch of for spoilers.

Cable/Deadpool #31 - The absolute high point of the week. Laughed my ass off constantly while reading this. So what happened? Wade tries to apprehend the rogue heroes. Hmm, Deadpool versus Captain America, Daredevil (wink, wink), Falcon, Goliath and Hercules. Yeah, that'll end well for 'Pool. Wade does hold his own for a while, but when things go bad, it's Cable that probably keeps Herc from ripping Deadpool's limbs off.

The heroes leave to deal with a situation, and leave Wade indisposed. Cable comes back, and oops, there's a spoiler for Civil War #4 (coming out whenever Marvel damn well feels like it). Then Cable wants to have a face-to-face with the President. All Wade wants to do is find the toilet. There's some yak-yak-yak, Wade comes back from the water closet, and gets himself an ultimatum from the Commander-in-Chief (though isn't Deadpool technically a Canadian?). And we're set-up for what will likely be a highly humiliating throwdown for Wade next month. 4.6 out of 5.

Teen Titans #38 - If the rest of this "Titans Around the World" arc is like this, I won't be around for the end of it. What can I say? I don't have the available funds to keep my promise to Geoff Johns anyway. As to the story, well the Titans captured somebody named Girder to start off the issue, good for them. Then Cyborg decides he wants to go find some of the other Titans, which isn't greeted well by Kid Devil and especially Ravager. This sets up a theme of annoying whining and bitching that extends through out this issue. That's what I really don't want to keep seeing.

The team goes looking for Raven, and finds Red Star. He's a big shot with the Russian goverment, and he tells the Titans to disband, because they're not worth much. They don't help out the people who served them well, with Exhibit A being Pantha and Wildebeest. Exhibit B would be Risk, who gets the Titans East offer. Watch as I struggle to contain my excitement. I hope you watched closely, my excitement put up about as much of a struggle as a sea turtle egg. I really love Robin's line, 'It's not what this team can do you for you-'. What is he, JFK now? I guess I shouldn't be surprised that the Dark Knight Junior would forget the Titans are supposed to be a family.

Whatever. The Titans follow Raven's trail to Beijing, and apparently one of the Titans from the last year is a traitor. Which would mean more if I knew who the hell 85% of these people are. "Power Boy"?! What the #$%^! Also, I can't quite put my finger on it, but the art doesn't work for me. It feels like Scott Kolins meets Rob Liefeld, and that's not really a good thing. It's mostly the girls. Something about their hair and faces seems. . . off. Consider this book on warning. Knock my socks off next month, or we're done with each other. 2.1 out of 5.

Ultimate X-Men Annual #2 - Geez, I can't remember a cover that promised something so happy, only to see the actual story go so damn badly. This takes place after the current "Magical" story arc, based on some comments made by Wolverine and Xavier. Dazzler goes missing from the hospital. Nightcrawler's got a little something to do with that, but nobody else knows it yet. And Dazzler has no idea that there's anything wrong with Kurt spiriting her away.

Of course, when Kurt comes back to the mansion and Xavier is telling the team to split up and start looking for Alison, well, it's hard to keep secrets from a telepath, which is why telepaths suck. The team follows Kurt, his ruse (that he was playing on Dazzler) is revealed, and the X-Men do what they do best: beat the crap out of a confused teammate. Eventually, as Kurt hands them their butts for awhile, and lays deals out some hate speech to Colossus. But how come Nightcrawler didn't break his fist punching Wolverine in the jaw?

So let's tally it up. One X-Man leaves. One X-Man is in a hospital bed. And one X-Man has their old powers back, and has lost their newer powers. I would have felt bad for them, but they said some very mean things to the hospitalized X-Man, which made my sympathy for them go flying out the window. Combining these events with the impending appearance of Ultimate Cable, and I'm lead to believe that Ultimate X-Men and I shall be parting ways soon. And what the hell was that stupid "Origin of Xavier's cat" supposed to be?! Yech 1.7 out of 5.

X-Factor #10 - A fellow who works for Singularity wants out. Jamie Madrox got real drunk after his "X-Factor supports the heroes who won't register" press conference, and, well, Siryn and Monet. In separate bedrooms. 'Nuff said. Thank goodness he stayed away from Layla.

Professor Buchanan, the guy who wants out of Singularity, pays a visit to X-Factor, and we find out what he was working on for them that has him so spooked. Seems kind of pointless to me, but I'm operating with the knowledge that comes from existing outside the universe, and seeing the rules that govern it.

Sorry, I must have channeled Animal Man from this week's 52. Ugh, Lobo. Who the hell's brilliant idea was it to keep him in existence post-Crisis? Back to topic.

The professor has information that would corroborate his claim, so he and Guido head to the bank to get it. Guido gets a phone call and well. . . hmm. That seemed kind of out of left field. I mean, I really didn't see any hint of that previously, which either means I'm dumb (entirely possible), or PAD just decided to spring this on us abruptly. 3.2 out of 5.