Can't You See This Is A Land Of Adorable Pandas?

{I tell you that Genesis music video is creepy, though I'm not certain what's worse: puppet Phil Collins, or puppet Ronald Reagan wearing a Superman outfit.} I have no idea what you're talking about, old man. {Do not call me that!} Okay. . . Grandpaw. {Grr.}

Well, let's start by Applauding Aaron Stack for his totally awesome mustache, and a throw in a Hug because Arana made his head pop off. {Well, it's not like he couldn't reattach it whenever he wanted.} So we should just not care when people's heads get pop off? I'll remember that when your trick knee goes out. {It only does that when hail with butterflies frozen inside are going to fall!} Suuuuuure. Applause for Nocturne, for all her life saving efforts, and maybe a little Applause for the Captain Britain she possessed to do that. {Except he was part of the reason lives were in danger in the first place.} I thought it was Dark Iceman make a tidal wave of ice? {To fight all the Evil Captain Britains, duh.} Applause for Giles, because it looks like he made Faith into a lady. {And what's so great about that? Faith was fine as she was! And he couldn't have done it if she didn't try1} Okay, Applause for Faith too, for mastering a British accent. Happy? {Very}. Good, now it's almost seven o'clock, time for bed. {Enough old jokes!} Fine, on to baldness jokes! {Crap.}

Bonks are so easy to hand out, you know, like the Bonk for Ronan, for giving up the fight. I mean, he's just going to help the Phalanx willingly now? What a loser. Bonk to New Excalibur, for not reining in Dark Iceman. Are they really fine with him threatening the lives of civilians with a giant ice wave? {Apparently, yes, yes they are.} And Bonks to Puppet Master, because well, he's controlling people to make them do, stuff, obviously. Calvin, when you look at Puppet Master, do you see your own hair situation in a few years? {No, because he's obviously opted to shave his head, which I will never do. Now let me ask you a question: You ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?} What? {I ask that of all the Smart-Aleck Baby Pandas that I shave in their sleep, hint, hint.} Eep.

Moving right along, let's hand out some Hugs to Super-Skrull and Praxagora. They each get a Hug because they're free and going to help the Kree, and Praxagora gets an extra Hug for putting up with Super-Skrull. {He's just not used to expressing his softer emotions.} Hug for Faith, because it can't be good that everyone thinks of you in a way where they figure it's no big deal if you have to stake a family of vampire children. {Yeah, just because you can do something doesn't mean it doesn't affect you. Of course, Faith would have to admit that to someone to make any progress in changing how they see her. The Scoobies are all about the surface appearances.} That would make them stupid, right? {I'm inclined to say, yes.} Well then, maybe I should give them a Hug to improve their perception. {Not sure even that could help. Have you got more Hugs, or shall we discuss the blinding stupidity of Buffy's crew some more?} Um, well, I think a Hug for all the people Puppet Master has controlled would be appropriate, and I think that does it.

Uh, you aren't really gonna shave me in my sleep are you? {Are you gonna keep making jokes about my age and receding hairline?} No. {Then no. Hug?} Sure. *cue hug. audience goes "Awwww", then fall into diabetic comas from the overwhelming sugariness of the scene* Then ice cream? {No, not after all the jokes. I have to set boundaries somewhere.} *glumly* All right.