Pandas With Guns, Taking Over, It Won't Be Long

Hey! Pandas don't use guns! {Really?} That's right, guns are for penguins, because they're cowards. {That sounds like something Batman would say.} Cool.

Bonks for. . . you know there weren't a lot of people in your comics that needed Bonks. {Are you sure?} Well I'm pretty sure I bonked Super-Adaptoid last month, and he really didn't do anything much more evil this month. {He called the Phalanx to kill those villagers for helping Quasar.} That's true, really uncalled for. Let's see him adapt to this Bonk, then! Do you think that General Eiling was trying to get the Suicide Squad killed? {Well, Eiling became the super-criminal The Shaggy Man, so I'm gonna say yes. Besides, you can't actually be honest when dealing with Amanda Waller, she'll chew you up and spit you out.} "The Shaggy Man"? That's idiotic! {I didn't freaking name him, don't blame me!} Well, someone ought to get blamed. {Brad Meltzer?} You just don't like Brad Meltzer. {That's not true. I don't care about Brad Meltzer, mostly. He just seemed like a good scapegoat. Were you going to bonk Eiling or not?} Um, yeah, I think so. Yes, definitely. Bonk. Not too hard though, since we aren't positive it was him setting a trap.

{How nice of you.} I know, Hugs for Nightshade and Deadshot. I think they were both kind of sad they didn't find Rick Flag. Ooh, and I want to Hug the Velociraptor! {What? Why?} Because it's cool, and once it likes me, then I can get rides on it. {You really think a Delectable Little Morsel like you should be going anywhere near a Velociraptor salivating as much as that one was?} I'll be fine. {Sure, and after you get eaten, I'm the one who'll have to deal with your angry mother.} That'll be your problem, though. {Why don't you make friends with Moondragon instead? She's less likely to eat you, and more likely to give you a lift. Dragons are cooler than dinosaurs after all.} That's true, Hug for Moondragon!

Applause for Amanda Waller, because she cared enough to try and rescue Rick Flag. {Technically, Waller didn't try and rescue Flag, she just sent some of her Squad to rescue Flag. Big difference.} But there wouldn't have been anyone trying to rescue Flag if she hadn't sent them! {OK, it's your world, chief.} Applause for Quasar, for saving the townspeople from the Phalanx. {Once again, the day. . . is saved!} But Bonks to Quasar, for using up all the energy in the Quantum bands. Now how is she going to stop the Super-Adaptoid? {Well, that's the cliffhanger isn't it? I really hope Gage doesn't waste half of the next issue on Phyla feeling helpless without the bands. She's got to suck it up and go kick butt. Grab a lead pipe or something!} That's right, and if Moondragon gives me a lift, I can help. {No. No fighting Super-Adaptoids for you.} And why not? I fought penguins, the Super-Adaptoid can't be more deadly than that. {Uh well, you can't fight the Super-Adaptoid because, um, because you ate less than thirty minutes ago, and you have to wait at least thirty minutes after eating before traveling across galaxies to fight techno-organic virus infected adaptive weapons systems.} Oh, but the next issue doesn't come out until next month! {Yes, but it'll pick up where this one left off, so you'll still have the thirty minutes to go. I'd explain in more detail, but it involves effects on time as you approach the speed of light, which would be necessary to get you there in time.} Alright. {Whew.}

Say, you aren't just making this up to keep me from fighting are you? {Nope. Totally serious. If you travel at light speed within thirty minutes of eating, you could experience cramps so severe that your body collapses in on itself like a quantum singularity, because your mass will be so great at those speeds.} Wow. {Damn straight.}