Deadpool & Wolverine (2024)

Clever Adolescent Panda: Were there any of the trailers you liked?

Not really. Venom 3, a movie about a video game I've never played, with a dumb robot sidekick that sounds like methed-out Don Knotts, a Lion King prequel, a Captain America movie with friggin' Red Hulk? Red Hulk? That's the shit we're down to now?!

CAP: Wicked looked pretty.

Do we need another movie about how the villain was really just misunderstood, and not a bad person at all? Some people are just assholes.

Deadpool: My ears are burning. Which is much further north than the burning usually occurs.

CAP: Wade! *flying tackle* You're back!

Deadpool: It's great to see you too, big fuzz buddy. I missed how you compress my ribs into my internal organs like a kid messing with Play-Doh. They always end up in fun new places!

CAP: Sorry. Are you going to come to Blogsgiving? Calvin's buying your series!

I'm not sure he can. The October solicit says he's dead. I think we have to invite Eleanor instead. Like that year we had Future Deadpool.

CAP: *sticks out tongue* Ugh. Future Deadpool was really depressing and boring.

Deadpool: He was sadly lacking in my joie de vivre. But you need to invite both my daughters.

No. The symbiote dog doesn't exist in this continuity. Panda and Pollock nuked it in my microwave two years ago. That's canon.

Deadpool: *gasps* That's right, you did kill my daughter!

CAP: Hey, let's talk about your latest hit movie instead, now that Calvin and I saw it!

Yeah, too bad there were only 7 other people in the theater while we were there.

CAP: Don't listen to him; we went to the 10 a.m. showing.

Deadpool: You watched my movie at 10 in the morning on a Monday? I don't know if that's sad or the mark of loyal friends.

I was just hoping there wouldn't be anyone else in the theater, honestly.

Deadpool: Ah. Well, that's disappointing if unsurprising. Let's table your intimacy issues for now and talk about me!

OK. 

CAP: Wait! Spoiler warning!

Yeah, that's fair. We're going to discuss all sorts of stuff abut the movie, so if spoilers matter to you, go away. Doot-doot-doot. Eh, that's enough time. So you've given up on superheroing after being rejected for the Avengers, and are doing a lousy job selling cars. A Time Variance guy abducts you and says it's important you join the Sacred Timeline - 

Deadpool: Thor needs the emotional healing my love brings!

- join the Sacred Timeline. And you have to accept quickly, because your universe lost its "anchor point" and is slowly dissolving. Surprisingly, you did not have yourself be the anchor point, as it's the Wolverine who died in Logan. So you hop through universes until finding another Wolverine, and try to convince him to help you save your timeline.

CAP: And you both end up in The Void, from Loki! Wolverine spends most of his time moping about how badly he failed, when he's not being mean to you. The two of you have to fight Cassandra Nova, who made herself Queen of the Void.

To be fair, Wolverine does both at the same time. He has enough self-loathing to inflict on himself and others, simultaneously. I'm not sure he really sees Deadpool most of the time, so much as he sees a version of himself he can hurt. Jackman wears this distant look a lot of the time, like his mind is elsewhere. 

Deadpool: Counting all that bank he's getting for riding my coattails!

Which is true to the character. What are all those stories of Logan hacking dozens of Yakuza to death if not him directing his inner hatred outwards?

Deadpool: Excuse me? Those are beautiful displays of frenetic action!

CAP: They can be more than one thing. Humans are full of different stuff.

Deadpool: What are pandas full of?

Marshmallow fluff. *BONK* Ow! Jeez, it was a joke! Anyway, I had my concerns going in. Multiverse stuff, kind of played out.

Deadpool: I know, right?

CAP: I wouldn't have thought of Wizard of Oz as a multiverse story, but you made me see it in another light!

But then the movie opens on you digging up Logan's corpse and using it to kill a bunch of TVA agents, set to "Bye Bye Bye," and all my concerns went away. This is what I paid 8 bucks for!

CAP: How did you get Logan's claws to work for you?

Deadpool: I became one with his essence. I pictured myself with Robin Williams-level body hair that was soaked in cheap whiskey, made a resting bitch face, and the rest took care of itself.

Sounds legit. So, liked that fight scene. Dug the fight in and around the Honda Odyssey.

CAP: It was nice of you to throw the fights for your guest star, Wade. You really made him look good.

Deadpool: I didn't throw the fights!

Yeah, come on panda pal, Wolverine doesn't need any help to kick Deadpool's butt.

Deadpool: I clearly won the fight in the desert! Did you not see both of my swords and the baby knife sticking out of him?

CAP: He didn't seem bothered. *Deadpool looks depressed* Um, what about the music? That was fun!

I appreciate the continued willingness to use all kinds of stuff, although the selection didn't seem quite as eclectic as the first two movies. Felt very late-90s/early-2000s. No '50s doo-wop or whatever.

Deadpool: I'm not sure you can say "doo-wop." At least you definitely shouldn't.

I'm not popular enough to be canceled, and it's a legit term for a style of music, which hopefully was not actually grounded in racist undertones. Was there even a Deadpool-themed rap song this time? 

CAP: I don't think so.

Boooo. How are we feeling about the Deadpool and Wolverine interactions, since that's what the movie revolves around?

CAP: Hmm, well it felt a lot like that scene in the taxi from Deadpool 2. Where Cable says a lot of hurtful stuff about how Wade's not a hero, just a clown. Except spread over 2 hours.

People not believing in Deadpool is a recurring issue. But I think it lands more here because Cable and Deadpool were basically adversaries, even when they were working together. They had different goals when it came to Russell. Brolin played Cable as mostly just irritated because this jabbering idiot wouldn't get out of his way. 

In theory, Deadpool and Wolverine are supposed to work together. At least, that's what Deadpool hopes will happen, and he clearly admires Wolverine (much as he hates to admit it) and believes the guy can save everyone Deadpool cares about. Which is sort of an implicit acknowledgement on Wade's part that he can't save them. He's not good enough.

CAP: Which is why he pushed Vanessa away at some point between the second and third movies. He doesn't think he deserves his friends, but he's still willing to put up with all of Woverine's insults if it'll save them. And trust him during the first final battle with Cassandra Nova.

Yeah. Granting that middle managers with delusions of grandeur are dangerous, Paradox wasn't a convincing threat. Especially after Wade went through those TVA guys like thresher through wheat. That said, it felt like a missed opportunity with the ending. Having Logan embrace Xavier's ideals and reach out to Nova in understanding was a great moment, but then as soon as she sees a chance to destroy everything, she goes for it. Did you follow her motivations, because I saw a review that said they weren't well laid out.

Deadpool: She envied my hairpiece. I had to get rid of it. Sad, but some things are just too beautiful for this world.

CAP: I think she was scared. She said she was sent to the Void as a child. She acts like the big boss of the place, but she runs inside her base when the smoke monster thing shows up. I think she's always worried the TVA could do even worse, so it's safer to stay in a place no one cares about and act like she's in control. When she learns about the Time Ripper, she thinks she doesn't have to be scared any more, there's a way to really be the ruler she pretended to be. I agree, it would have been nice if they could have helped her. I'm not sure why she died at the end.

Yeah, that's just lazy writing.

Deadpool: Oh come on, does every villain need to turn good?

CAP: No, but they don't all have to die at the end, either. Um, cameos and guest appearances?

Mixed bag. Nicepool got old.

Deadpool: No, he definitely did not get old. Sniff, heroes never do.

Some of the other hero bits were funny. Little surprised Snipes didn't spin kick you upside the head for the hell of it.

Deadpool: We cut that part out. He says it was an accident, but I think he's lying.

CAP: It's OK, you're just the Jim Carrey to his Tommy Lee Jones.

Except it was probably your perversion he couldn't sanction, not your buffoonery.

CAP: Are we talking about Deadpool or Ryan Reynolds now?

Deadpool: Both! Most people aren't ready for what Canadians get up to with poutine.

CAP: *whispers* What's poutine?

French-Canadian pronunciation of "poontang." Do not repeat that around your mother. I like that the movie at least occasionally allows for some emotional depth. Like the fact Deadpool actually asks the TVA boss lady if there's something that can be done for the other heroes who helped them. I was worried that was going to be reduced to a gag, too.

CAP: Really?

Well, like his (over-)extended death sequence in the second movie. I figured he'd start to ask, then he wouldn't remember who any of them were. Logan would roll his eyes in disgust and Wade would shrug it off. Everybody just moves on. But even if he doesn't say their names, he hasn't forgotten them.

Deadpool: Who could forget Channing Tatum's terrible accent?

CAP: That's Deadpool, though. He doesn't always do the right thing - 

Deadpool: True.

CAP: And when he does, it usually isn't for the right reason.

Deadpool: Well, I mean, "right" is such a subjective term. Who can say if any of us do anything for the right reasons?

CAP: And he definitely doesn't do it the right way.

Deadpool: Oh come on! Are you going to let them keep doing this?

I obviously think it's funny, so yes.

CAP: But he knows about being overlooked and unwanted. Oh, I liked Peter getting to have a role, but I wish his other friends showed up to help with the Deadpool Corps fight, rather than just during the party sequences.

Me too. Negasonic would have killed at the chance to, uh, kill a bunch of Deadpools.

CAP: Not Cowboy Deadpool, though!

Well, we could hope she'd spare Cowboy Deadpool. With his cool hat and six-shooters. Along the lines of that scene, I would like to congratulate the movie on the description of Wolverine's mask. Caught me entirely off-guard and made me laugh my butt off.

CAP: The effects on Cassandra Nova using her powers looked neat. She always uses it the same way, but it gets shown different when she takes different approaches. She appears inside Wade's head as someone he cares about and hurts him. But she appears as herself to Logan and speaks nicely. Tells him it's OK he failed. She wants to break Deadpool, but she wants to make Wolverine rely on her.

Agreed.

Deadpool: She doesn't wash her hands after each use, though. Can confirm.

CAP: Ew.

Deadpool: I know, right? Basic etiquette.

OK, final thoughts. Had some good laughs, enjoyed the fight scenes when they gave them time. Cameos and guest appearances were fine. Didn't drag things out too long, the movie's just over 2 hours. Probably could have been quicker with less exposition.

CAP: We might have need that, though. I haven't seen Loki, Season 2.

Me neither, but still a lot of exposition. Or cut the Chris Evans stuff down a bit. Although some of that was also exposition. Two birds with one stone, then.

Deadpool: Try killing two birds while stoned. And I thought the movie was quite restrained in its objectification of Chris Evans.

CAP: It was! Mostly. You still have issues with personal space.

Deadpool: I'm receiving treatment for that.

CAP: You're sitting on my shoulders right now.

Deadpool: It's a process! Besides, it makes me feel tall, and your shoulders have more padding than Calvin's.

*Clever Adolescent Panda throws Deadpool across the room* 

Anyway, while I had my concerns, the movie either dodges them or at least avoids being dragged down by them. Again, too much of Nicepool. It probably runs pretty close with Deadpool 2, though I find I like all three movies for their own reasons (plus some they share.) Each one kind of highlights a different aspect of Deadpool's character.

CAP: I think Deadpool 2 is my favorite. The story revolving around Russell and Cable and Deadpool and all their issues was the strongest. But I liked this a lot, too!

Fair. As third movies in a superhero franchise go, definitely beats Iron Man 3 with an adamantium femur, and I'd put it ahead of Captain America: Civil War. Probably can't give it the edge of Thor: Ragnarok, though I haven't watched that since the first time. Maybe it doesn't hold up. Anything to add, Wade?

Deadpool: Think they'll let me in the Avengers now?

CAP: No.

If Captain America; Brave New World tanks hard enough they will, but in that case you're better off staying clear.

Deadpool: I could headline Thunderbolts!

CAP: Oh, Wade, no. I know Happy told you to aim for the middle, but you can aim higher than that!

Yeah, just revive X-Force. At least there were a couple of people whose powers didn't revolve around stabbing people.