Friday, February 29, 2008

The Struggle For Clever Titles Resumes

No picture? {Nah, it's Friday. People know what's up.} Not very new reader friendly. {New readers? We don't have - aw forget it. I'm not in the mood for poorly done satire of the superhero comic industry.} You're just no fun. {It's very hard to be, since they remove your fun glad when you graduate high school.} Really? {Oh yeah, no anesthetic either.} But I've seen you have fun before. {Yes, and what does that suggest to you?} Your fun gland grew back? {What? No! I'm making things up again!}

Jerk. {Hey!} So between Jaime's injuries and the trouble he's causing the Reach, I guess he deserves Hugs and Applause. {Makes sense.} But then there's all his friends and family that are fighting the Reach, and trying not to die, and so I guess they needs Hugs and Applause too. {So, basically we just need to line up the entire cast so you can go down the line hugging and applauding?} Not the entire cast! I'm not doing it for the Reach! They get Bonks for trying to kill the hero's loved ones! {Then I think they could be lined up with everyone else, and you just hit them instead.} Maybe that's how I'll do it then! {Well, they're in the middle of a fight, and some of them are in space right now, so good luck with that.} I'm not scared. {Didn't say you were, but they are a little busy.} They will bow to my will. {Hmm, you didn't get a little essence o' Darkseid on you, did you?} No, why? {No reason. Anything else?}

There's not much else to work with. I guess I can Hug Liz, since Magneto's interested in her. And Bobby and Peter can get some Applause for trying to help her through this. Johnny gets a Bonk, though, because he just bailed on her. {There's an emergency, he had to go.} What can he do? Fly around and make stupid comments? *deeper voice* He is foolish child, wasting his potential. {You hitting puberty? Your voice just dropped an octave or two.} Cease your pathetic prattling. {*inner monologue* This is getting worrying, better defuse the situation. *end inner monologue* Pie's done!} *normal voice* Pie? Where? {You're back to normal! Hooray! Oh, and there's no pie.} *deep voice* What? {But we can go get some. Just as soon as we finish. And it'll be good, because it'll have been made by someone who knows what they're doing.} Hooray! To wrap up, Rayne gets a Hug because she got badly burned from falling in the ocean, but she gets a Bonk because she blew up that convenience store owner. {Well, he did try to shoot her, but it was overkill. Alright, let's go get pie.} Woohoo!

3 comments:

SallyP said...

What, no adorable panda picture. Harumph.

Well, a hug to Kong for being smart enough to figure out that Peter was Spider-Man.

Frankly, I want to give Liz a bonk, but just a small one, for being something of a pill.

MASSIVE hugs to Jaime and his family AND the scarab. Equally massive bonks to all the Reach guys. Oh, and an extra hug for Traci Thirteen, who is awesome beyond words.

Hal Jordan could certainly use a hug after he gets beaten up by Robin in All-Star Batman & Robin. And a bonk to All-Star Batman and Robin for being unmitigated jerks. I'll bet that their lemonade wasn't even freshly squeezed!

Jason said...

I think everyone involved in All-Star Batman & Robin needs a hug, the writer, artist, characters...hell, even the colorist. I think their collective lack of hugs at a young age has led to this comic.

And Sally, I'm sure that lemonade was fresh-squeezed, while All-Star Batman may be borderline, he certainly doesn't do things half-assed (except train his side-kicks, that is).

CalvinPitt said...

sallyp: Well, she was getting better by the time she started enjoying the flying, instead of pointing fiery fingers at her friends for suggesting she might be a mutant. Yeah, she was a bit rude. Johnny bailing didn't help, I'm sure.

jason: I'm going to agree with you on the lemonade. If the amount of yellow in that room is any indication, Batman doesn't accept not doing things completely by oneself. I'm not sure Jim Lee needs a hug though, I imagine he has lots of money to do that, and I think Miller's head might explode if he was hugged. At least Batman and Robin hugged at the end. Maybe that'll mellow them out.