Don't Say We Lack Follow-Through

Last December, Adorable Baby Panda swore to teach Satana a lesson about experimenting on pandas, despite the fact she already operates in Hawkman's town of St. Roch. Deadpool accompanied him for money, and after some deliberation, Calvin went along as well. This is their story.

*Night, Calvin walks down a mostly deserted sidewalk, Adorable Baby Panda sitting on his shoulder. Calvin stays in the shadows of the buildings, Following Adorable Baby Panda's directions on when and where to move.*

Adorable Baby Panda (ABP): I didn't think you'd come with us, Calvin.

Calvin: {Well, I expect it won't be long until Deadpool gets distracted and I didn't want you wandering around here on your own.}

ABP: Maybe he should walk next to us then, instead of on the other side of the street.

Calvin: {I think it's better if we don't get too bunched together. Also, Wade's not exactly stealthy.}

ABP: He's doing alright, he's even staying in the shadows, like we are. *Pause* Is he carrying a trashcan?

Calvin: *Peers across street* {Yes.}

ABP: Why?

*Just then, a pedestrian approaches Deadpool. He quickly removes the trashcan from his back and sets it on the sidewalk, He then raises the lid, jumps in, and replaces the lid on top of the can. The pedestrian, observing all this, walks swiftly past Deadpool, keeping both eyes on the garbage receptacle, while giving it a wide berth. After the pedestrian passes, the lid raises slightly, balanced on Deadpool's head, as he looks first one way, then the other. Observing Calvin and ABP watching him, he sticks a hand out of the can to give a thumbs up.*

Calvin: {Because he couldn't find a suitable cardboard box to use?}

ABP: Huh?

Calvin: {Never mind} *The pair observe Deadpool deftly leap out of the trashcan from a crouch, and land neatly next to it, the lid still balanced on his head* {Have to admit, that was pretty nimble. If I tried that, I'd just land on my face.}

ABP: Yeah, you would.

Calvin: *glaring at ABP* {Anyway, let's keep moving. Do we have some way of finding Satana?} You had us come here, even though she was caught by Power Girl and Terra in New York.}

ABP: She isn't in jail anymore. She escaped, with her experiments. So we'll find her that way.

Calvin: *pauses* {We talking magic, or some technologically marvelous tracking device?}

ABP: I can kind of sense him, but it's hard, he's not a panda anymore on the inside. If we get close enough, I can probably smell him.

Calvin: *Calvin, ABP, and Deadpool enter more brightly lit historical district. Deadpool continues to hop into his trashcan at the first sign of a passerby, a car, or if he just wants to leap out and scare a cat.* {So we're not reliant on another plot contrivance?}

ABP: What do you mean?

Calvin: {You know, like you being able to find Kirby to help find me, or somehow contacting Clint Barton to help with the Flying Castle Incident, or my Thanos card being left behind where you and Wade could find it, even though I confronted Overused Kirby Creation with it in his domain.}

ABP: You mean lucky breaks?

Calvin: {Sure, yeah, let's call them that.}

ABP: Well, we can always use a lucky break. Maybe she'll try and commit a crime tonight. That would make it easier.

Deadpool: [Hey, are you guys swapping expository dialogue over there? I want in! "Just then Deadpool decided to make an advance on the classy older woman exiting the jazz-themed kaffee klatch down the street. 'Well hello there, wanna eat some tacos', he said, as she stared in horror." Hey, quit screaming, it's hard for me to talk over that, unless I SPEAK LOUDER! YOU CAN'T MATCH THE PIPES THAT ARE 3-TIME KARAOKE CHAMP OF THE WEAPON X REUNION BANQUET!]

Calvin: *ignoring Wade* {What if Hawkman is there? He might not approve of you meting out justice as you see fit. He tends to hit things he doesn't approve of. When he's not stabbing them.}

Deadpool: [DEADPOOL FIRES HIS SPIFFY GUN INTO THE AIR, HOPING THAT WILL CALM HIS FUTURE HONEY, BUT FINDS HE MUST TALK EVEN LOUDER TO HEAR HIMSELF OVER THE GUNFIRE!!]

ABP: Something will take care of that for us. Besides isn't he dead?

Calvin: *Turns down dark alley, walking away from Deadpool* {From Final Crisis or Blackest Night? I mean, of course from Final Crisis, since Blackest Night won't start for several months, as this is December of 2008. Who knows? Last I heard he was in outer space, and even if he does die, he'll probably reincarnate. You sensing anything?}

ABP: Not really.

*Somewhere above them*: KEER^!

Calvin: {Aw crap.} *Turns and runs back to the mouth of the alley. Then, whispering loudly* {Wade, get out of sight! Seriously, quit screwing around!}

Deadpool: *The woman has long since fled, but he's still firing his gun into the air.* [WHAT I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER ALL THIS GUNFIRE! I OUGHT TO STOP, BUT IT'S SO FUN! I DON'T GET TO HAVE FUN LIKE THIS AT MARVEL ANYMORE! HEY, A GIANT BIRD PERSON WITH MEDIEVAL WEAPONS! DID I STUMBLE INTO A ROLE-PLAYING TOURNAMENT?! DIE NERD!] *levels gun at Hawkman*

*Hawkman issues a guttural, incomprehensible bellow, and slices the gun in half with a sword.*

Deadpool: [I liked that gun! It had a laser sight, made cool flashes when it fired, and was perfectly balanced!]

Hawkman: *Speaking calmly, precisely* Listen citizen, while I respect your right - and enthusiasm - about bearing arms, you are in violation of St. Roch's civil code 2834.53, causing a public disturbance, and discharging a firearm in an unsafe manner.

Deadpool: [I am a fully-certified, fully-registered superhuman agent of the United States government, just like the law requires, which means I can do what I want, like Mark Millar writing an event book. I have a badge and everything. Now where is that badge] *begins searching numerous pockets*

Hawkman: Registered? The government doesn't require us to register! You're an assassin, working for the government to kill any heroes that don't toe the line aren't you?!

Deadpool: [Didn't I just say that? Wait, you aren't registered? Then that means I'ma have to kick your feathered rear end,and don't think I won't because I even tried to arrest Captain America, and I'll stuff you like a Thanksgiving turkey. Except instead of stuffing, I'll use pineapples. Wonderful, exploding pineapples. Expensive, but totally worth it for clearing out all those fat, stupid relatives over the holidays, like the aunt who always wants you to wear a white shirt, and I look terrible in white, really more of a red man myself, with maybe some ochre and pewter thrown in. . .]

Hawkman: Shut your gob, you stinking cutthroat. I'll string your guts throughout Anubis' realm! *lunges forward*

Deadpool: [Well, Crom, and decapitation, and saucy wenches to you too.] *draws swords, leaps forward.*

*Hidden in the alley across the street, ABP and Calvin have observed the deteriorating situation.*

ABP: We should keep looking for Satana.

Calvin: {Agreed. Can't imagine she'll be stupid enough to show up around here.} *they turn and head back into the alley, towards the dead side of town.*

^ It's a generally accepted method of spelling the call of a Red-Tailed Hawk, if that helps.

To be continued tomorrow. Really, I mean it. I will totally not leave this story hanging the way I did that one back in May.