Oh, We Do Go On

Adorable Baby Panda: Why did you call me Adorable Baby Panda the 2nd yesterday?

Calvin: {I thought I might tease the audience with the idea that you'll be killed off in the thrilling conclusion to our St. Roch Field Trip tomorrow, thus forcing me to seek your replacement.}

ABP: You're going to kill me?!

Calvin: {Of course not. Kill off the one character I've created for this blog people actually like? Ridiculous. I just wanted to add some tension. Guess that's gone flying out the window.}

ABP: You don't think people like UnCalvin?

Calvin: {I'm not sure I actually created UnCalvin. UnCalvin may have always existed.} *Stares into space*

That's creepy. Stop being creepy. I'm giving Bob a Hug because all his friends kept bugging him when all he wanted to do was fix his spacecraft. {They only bother him because he's smart and they're all morons.} That's not a good reason! And they are not morons! Wait, you're being sarcastic aren't you? {Considering I am sarcastic and/or snide roughly 88% of my waking life, yes probably.} What about when you sleep? {I'm 100% sarcastic then. You should hear me, mocking the sheep and their endless leaping over fences. "Oh, nice jump there Lambchop. You got mad hops. Shouldn't you be in a Certa mattress commercial?"} You're being creepy again. Hugs for the Exiles, because their book was canceled. {Deadpool needs a hug too, don't you think?} But he's about to find friends! {Yes, I'm sure his attempt to join the X-Men won't end in disaster. And explosions.} You're being sarcastic again. {It's my default condition. Says so in the owner's manual.}

Moondragon gets a Hug because her girlfriend is dead. {Oh, she's not dead. She was stabbed through the chest, but she was lying near a massive tear in space and time. She'll be fine, and, before you say it, so will Gamora. She's the deadliest woman in the universe, gonna take more than neck snapping to stop her.} Grimjack gets a Hug because he's ugly, and old, and that's sad. {He's not THAT old.} OK, he gets it because he won't let anyone be his friend. {That's a little better reasoning.} Maybe a hug for Po Lin. {Nah, she'll be fine. She had one of those moments of clarity. Maybe one for Chun Li, since her dad's going to be murdered soon.} We can stop it! {Can't change the past.} Maybe we could! {No, we couldn't.} Yes, we could! {No. It would require time travel, so we'd run into Kang, and I am not having run-ins with Kang, thank you very much. Also, you'd insist on bringing Deadpool, and we're not setting him loose in the time stream. It'd be the "Homer travels through time with his toaster" Halloween special all over again. Wade would probably shoot Sir Walter Raleigh and scandalize Queen Elizabeth in the first five minutes.} Why would we meet them? {It's an imperfect science, duh!}

Do you think Beta Ray Bill deserves applause? {*shrugs* I think Galactus does. He did Bill a real solid considering Bill was trying to kill him.} But Galactus is still eating planets, and letting Stardust kill everyone! {Hmm, point for you. OK, applause for no one!} Well, I want to Applaud Nova for getting what he wanted out of Blastaar. {That was pretty smooth.} I'm giving that ship captain a Bonk for throwing Deadpool overboard like that. {Yeah, he could at least wait until they reach land and turn Wade in to Norman Osborn for a huge reward!} Stop being sarcastic! {Geez, I can't be creepy, and I can't be sarcastic. What are you leaving me with?!}