This Could Be Awkward

Adorable baby Panda: What is this place?

Calvin: {It's the office for my job. Since my computer cannot find the wireless signal its been using for the last two goddamn months at my home, we're going to have to use the work computer if we want to post, which means sporadic posting, since I shouldn't be using the work computer for this anyway. Unless my computer gets its shit together.}

ABP: You're cursing a lot more than usual.

Calvin: {Because I'm angry, damn it! The network is there, everyone else in the housing can use it, but not my computer, nooo!}

ABP: Maybe you should calm down, all these people are looking at us.

Calvin: {No, they're looking at you. Pandas are uncommon around here.}

ABP: Oh. Hi, everybody! *waves, people peer curiously*

Calvin: {Great, now they're going to inch closer, and start poking. Not to mention all the questions. Let's get on with this.}

OK, then. I think Deadpool needs a Hug, because the X-Men weren't very friendly, but he also needs a Bonk, because killing that guy isn't going to help. {Applause for Dagger! Applause for Dagger!} I will! Dagger gets Applause for sticking up for Deadpool, at least in principle. {Hey, Wade can use any kind of support he can get.} I think Grimjack needs a Bonk because he was pretty rude to the Sleepless Monks. {Hey, they're supposed to stay awake so the Manx Cat doesn't escape through their dreams, and they failed. Scorn away, says I.} You try staying awake forever! {I have, it's not pretty. I become even less pleasant than usual, then oddly super-pleasant, then sociopathic.}

Hey, stop pulling my ears! {I told you this wasn't going to end well. Kind co-workers, the panda is rabid. Numerous bites have rendered me immune, but you could be sorry if you don't give it space. *co-workers retreat rapidly*} Wait, I'm not rabid! Why did you tell them that? {To make them go away, obviously. What would you have done, a dizzying display of martial arts? That would have only brought more of them. Quickly now, before their curiosity overwhelms their fear.}

Right, right. Um, uh, I'm blanking! {Oh, come on!} Wait, yes, no, ah, they're creeping closer! {Ignore them!} I think Shang-Chi might need a Bonk, because he never lets anyone else win the bike race. {Focus, will you? He didn't win the race shown in the story! He and Wade went back for more hot dogs!} He did, oh, I'm sorry, they're just freaking me out. Stop staring! {Stop talking to them, it's only making things worse!} Why don't you say something? {Please, I have to work with these people. They already think I'm kind of off, yelling at them is only going to exacerbate the situation.} The Phantom! he gets Applause for not killing Birch. {Right, as Deadpool is demonstrating, killing people never solves anything.} Exactly. Now I have to get out of here! *leaps out window, flees into the night*

{*turns to co-workers* Ok, show's over. Go on, return to watching Glee. Skeedaddle!}