Civil War: Front Line #1

There's only one line from this that matters to me, and it's in relation to the upcoming Amazing Spider-Man #533. Iron Man is having his little press conference, and he said that the Superhuman Registration Act does not require superhumans to reveal their identity to the public, merely to the federal goverment. Or SHIELD. I'm still not clear on that.

On the one hand, this gives me hope. Spider-Man doesn't have to tell the American public who he is, so maybe his press conference will just be a statement by Spider-Man that yes, he supports the Superhuman Registration Act. Sure, everything seems to be pointing to an unmasking, but it almost seems to be pointing too hard, you know what I mean? The same way that Cassandra's actions in Robin #150 seem fishy to me, so does this. It's like they're trying to lead us by the nose. . . right off a cliff. Or into a brick wall.

Of course, even if Peter only reveals his identity to the government (SHIELD already knows after New Avengers #19, thanks Bendis), his loved ones are still as good as dead. Look at our America, somebody gives grand jury testimony that's supposed to be sealed; next thing you know, it's being "leaked" that so-and-so said this. Whether that's deliberate by someone trying to affect opinion, or whether it's just some dumbass who can't keep their trap shut, information that isn't supposed to be made public is. And that's just in our world.

Marvel Knights Fantastic Four already demonstrated what happens when information is stored on goverment computers, and people know it's there. It took what, six hours for someone to hack Department of Child Welfare and find where they were supposedly keeping the Richards' children? Dr. Doom would have people's secret identities in three minutes, just to have them. Red Skull would get them, whether he's currently dead our not. Cable would have them, and I don't trust him. Doc Ock could get them (even if he's the one enemy Peter might actually not have to worry about, with the Aunt May connection and all). Arcade. The Mad Thinker. Alister Smythe, if he's still alive. Even if they have no desire to get revenge, can you say "bidding war"?

Hmm, that revelation didn't boost my hopes nearly as much as I'd hoped. Even if he only tells the government, it's still a mistake. Guess I just have to hope he comes to his senses and tells Tony "No dice".

What I Bought 6/7/06

Fun day today. Saw a Marvelite named Rocky insist that Marvel will always outsell DC, which led DC-boy Jeff to jump in with the proclamation that DC will definitely have the highest selling book the month 52 #11 comes out (the infamous Batwoman appearance issue). My response was: does that mean DC outsold Marvel? I looked up the March and April figures (courtesy of IcV2's Top 300 list), and DC had the top book each month (Infinite Crisis #5 and #6, respectively), but Marvel had 6 of the top ten and 14 of the top 20 both months. So who won? More importantly, does it matter? Probably not, I just thought I'd mention it.

Let's see. I looked through JSA #86. Stargirl still hasn't figured out why Power Girl and Ma Hunkle can clock Gentleman Ghost, but she can't. Psst, Courtney, here's a hint. More interesting was Jeff explaining why DC feels they need to end JSA and start over with Justice Society of America. It made sense, especially in light of the final issues of JLA. I picked up Wonder Woman, saw who was calling herself that, and set it down again. I can't recall much of 52; oh yeah, Alan Scott angsted a lot and. . . zzzzzzzz. Huh, wha? Sorry, he must have put me to sleep again. At least I found out a character I like isn't dead. . . yet. Oh yeah, the Outsiders are just making friends all over, aren't they? I also looked through Civil War: Front Line #1, but the important thing I saw in there requires it's own post.

I also picked up three old comics: Amazing Spider-Man #342, when Peter willingly gave up his powers, out of concern for Aunt May, but he still can't stop himself from fighting the Scorpion to save Jonah Jameson. To paraphrase Count Rugen from Princess Bride: "You're not still trying to be superheroic, are you? You've got an overdeveloped sense of responsibility. One of these days, it's going to get you into trouble." Also Web of Spider-Man #61, the only chapter of the "Cosmic Spidey Saga" I didn't own, though on reflection they made him too concerned with the public's opinon of him. Oh yeah, and X-Men/Teen Titans! Boo ya! For $1, because some of the pages are loose! Like I care, I own comics where some dumb kid cut the characters out of them for unknown reasons. What, it was a long time ago, I forgot why I did it, alright?

Whew. Anyway, I did actually buy four books, though only three came out this week. Let's begin, spoiler warnings, as is normal for the blog.

Superman/Batman #26 - I know it came out last week, but I got a copy today, so here it is. I don't know whether it's right or not to discuss this like I would any other comic, given the circumstances surrounding it, but I think that's how I operate best, so let's try.

I liked this comic. From a strict standpoint of enjoyment, I had fun reading it. It was crazy and kind of silly, and the reason behind the whole conflict our erstwhile heroes face is kind of insane, but it works. I can understand why the "villain" of the piece would do what he did, and how important it was that Tim and Conner made him the offer they did. I like that Conner was kind of a doofus, and that Tim seemed to clearly be trying to act like the wise, crafty veteran, but still couldn't help being a little thrown by the craziness they were up against. The frequent artistic shifts, which would have been irritating in most other books, fit rather nicely with the story, given the constant change of settings. The costume for the Wonder Woman robot seemed pretty much what you would expect given the creators'. . . tastes. It was just a fun story, so 5 out of 5.

As for Sam's Story, all I'll say is reading it reminded me of something a friend said once. My friend Steve had loaned me his copy of Samurai X: Reflection. When he handed it to me, he mentioned that he'd watched it the weekend previously, and when it was over he 'felt like just curling in a ball on the floor for awhile.' Reading Sam's Story left me in that kind of place; not really wanting to do much of anything, just sit there and try to absorb it.

Annihilation: Silver Surfer #3 - OK, I've horribly depressed you all, I apologize for that. And I'm reviewing a book I gave up on previously. So I came back to it, a man can't give a book a second chance? Firelord, Red Shift(?), and Stardust (Galactus' most recent herald, seen in the Beta Ray Bill mini-series Stormbreaker) team-up to fight of the Annihilation Wave's forces, which are there to catch them. Meanwhile, Thanos is watching as Annihilus tries to harvest cosmic power from Morg and Terrax. But where's the title character?

Galactus has requested his presence, so the Surfer bailed on the other Heralds to go talk to big G. Len seemed kind of unhappy about this; I was just confused because I thought Galactus had become human. Or died. Or become human and then died. I wasn't sure. At any rate, he's here, and he has things to talk about. Apparently the Kyln, which was destroyed in the Annihilation: Prologue, housed all kinds of stuff, including the Beyonder essence, which we see in this issue is female. . . and dead. But also the only other two survivors from some cosmic war that occurred long ago (Galactus being the other): Tenebrous and Aegis. Galactus knows he's going to have to fight and he wants the Surfer's help. But, the Seekers have tracked the Surfer to Galactus, because Annihilus wants to dissect him too. Good luck with that. . . morons. This leads to the greatest description of the Silver Surfer ever, by the Seeker known as Ravenous. Are you ready for this?

He calls the Surfer a 'sadly inadequate poltroon.' Holy crap. A comic book character said "poltroon", you have no idea how much I'm loving this. It is freaking awesome. No matter how pathetic this schmoe's death will wind up being, he will not have died in vain. And he will die, because apparently Galactus took some of the Surfer's power when he stranded him on Earth years ago, and he's giving it back. And in two pages, he destroys 5 of Annihilus' starships, where it took 3 heralds to destroy one earlier. I heard that Kirby's original Surfer was like a god, someone who could go up against Thor or even someone like Parallax (theoretically) and win. I think that boy is back on the block. Hot damn, all you poltroons better run for your life. 4.8 out of 5.

The Punisher #34 - Frank Castle versus a Great White Shark. Hmm, it's good thing there's another person in the water. And he's a drug dealer too? Oh, happy day, Frank Castle just loves drug dealers! This is mostly talk, which is OK, last issue was pretty much all fighting, and I'm sure the next two probably will be as well. The little snot Frank saved in #31, who sold him out in #33, is begging for forgiveness from the boss he was going to betray in the first place. The bosses' whipped pup of a right-hand man doesn't like it, but no one cares. We found out how the boss came to know the Barracuda, and we find out the boss has other jobs for the Barracuda, what with the Punisher being taken care of and all. Whoops. And what would a Garth Ennis book be without some graphic description of violence? Well, this issues has one involving testicles and eyelids (don't worry it's off-panel), 'nuff said. I'd say this is setting up nicely. 4 out of 5.

Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man #9 - Well, we found out why the *shudder* Hobgoblin of 2211 is here. She has a grudge with her father, the Spider-Man of 2211, who had her arrested for a major time-altering event she was going to commit in the future. Oh man, not Minority Report! I'm quite surprised to find out the Spider-Man meets Spider-Man of 2099 is in continuity, as Peter remembers this Hobgoblin.

We find out that the Hobgoblin had predicted some problem for their universe, where it wasn't just intersecting with parallel realities, it was on the verge of being overwhelmed by one of the "larger" universes. Yeah sure, and if you could step outside of the universes, you could probably see two giant golden hands slowly smushing the universes together. I will now dump a rabid raccoon down my pants. Ouch.

Anyway, "Hobby", which is apparently one of her father's condescending nicknames for her, was going to travel back in time, and prevent this, to save her universe. Joy. Could you wipe out the last two years of Marvel while you're at it? And Joe Quesada? We find out that Peter really shouldn't wear a suit built out of nanites, as someone from two centuries in the future can easily turn it against you. And I still have no idea what attacking Peter Parker has to do with anything, unless she's given up on saving her universe, and just wants to mess with her dad.

On the plus side, it made my Grand Unified Marvel Theory seem less crazy. There is something wrong! So for that, 2.3 out of 5. Don't even ask me about the "retcon bomb" or how removing Ben Parker from that reality makes Peter turn into a giant Man-Spider 20 years afterwards.

In the Shadow of the Random Thoughts

You know, I've found one of the best functions of this blog is that it lets me vent. It's funny, because I can complain about what Chuck Austen did to Stacy X in the comic store until I'm blue in the face, but once I did a post on it, I'd pretty much moved on, reached acceptance. What's done is done, I'd said my peace. So clearly my blog is a way to prevent the build-up of mental toxins, which might otherwise cause, I don't know, ulcers or brain tumors or hysterical pregnancy or something. Which is all just a long-winded way of saying the next paragraph is kind of angry. After that, I'd say it's more upbeat, so you know, fair warning.

The last week I've seen a few people extoll the virtues of the most recent Action Comics. Apparently it shows us a 'true hero', and not some 'self-pitying photographer'. How much of that is meant humorously I don't know, but if you believe that I have to say: You don't understand Spider-Man at all. When written well, Spider-Man is self-doubting, not self-pitying. You know, like how, when written well, Superman is not an imbecile. Peter Parker doesn't hate having spider-powers (in fact he thinks wall-crawling is great fun, he gets a kind of joy from it), but he does worry that he won't be able to protect people, whether it's his loved ones or random innocents. But when the bell rings, he still puts his neck on the line, and those doubts actually drive him, will ultimately make him fight harder to protect people, even when he's completely outclassed (see his fights vs. The Juggernaut, Mr. Hyde, the Firelord, the 1st Morlun fight). I'll admit, there are moments in each of those fights where he says "Jeez, I'm way out of my league here. Maybe I should just get out of the costume, escape in the crowd as Peter Parker, wait for the Avengers to show up." Then he reminds himself that innocent people would get hurt if he does that, he has to keep trying, even if all he can do is to direct the villains' anger at someone who can withstand it better. He may not be sure he's up to the task, but he's not going to run and hide, he's going to fight even harder because he's admitted to himself that he can't - won't - run away. Even if he ultimately fails, he'll have given everything he has, because it's the right thing for him to do. Wow, I feel much better now. That being dealt with, let's get to the Bat-related stuff I wished to discuss.

1) Someone, I can't recall who, wondered what the Question was doing in Gotham in 52, seeing as Batman asked Harvey Dent to watch the city. The answer is simple: The Question doesn't care. No man who dresses like a flying mammal tells a Steve Ditko creation what to do! Besides, it isn't like Gotham couldn't use all the protectors it can get.

2) I think Adam Beechen is going to be good on Robin. I'm looking forward to this Captain Boomerang story. Of course, I felt good about the first few issues of Willingham's run, so clearly the success of Beechen's run depends on DC Editorial not mandating anymore traumatic events for Tim Drake. Just leave Robin alone DiDio, and let Beechen run with him.

3) Still got my fingers crossed that Cassandra Cain is pulling a stunt.

4) I stumbled across this argument about whether the new Batwoman wearing high heels is a big deal or not, 'cause it's impractical, but most hero costumes are impractical, so it isn't a big deal, and so on. Personally, I don't much care, the Batwoman is of little interest to me; I would have preferred that if they were going to take elements from the Batman Beyond costume that it be those unfolding glider wings that the outfit had. Those were cool. Anyway, it reminded me of a comic I'd read once, which briefly dealt with the dangers of wearing high heels.

DC First: Batgirl/Joker #1 which had Oracle remembering her first fight with "Mr. J", and Cassandra busting him out to prove she could take him down (buh-wha?). I learned a couple things from this:

A) Joker has a superpower - it's called insanity. Not only does it make him immune to Deadman's ability to possess people (as demonstrated in Dead Again), but makes Cassandra Cain unable to successfully read and predict his moves. Uh-huh. Sure it does.

B) I have this vague recollection that Cassandra stops him wearing Barbara's old costume (though I may be mixing that up with the flashbacks). I do know there's a scene where someone in that outfit tries to land on a rooftop, slips and lands on their butt, because they're wearing heels. I think I laughed when I saw that.

Regarding Bendis and Ultimate Spider-Man

A few weeks back I said Bendis learned his pacing from watching Dragonball Z. I'd like to retract that, and posit that he learned it from Victorian-era literature, when authors were paid by the page. Simply put, it's Charlotte Bronte's fault. I haven't been able to say that since 12th grade, when Jane Eyre left me so sleep deprived I ran over the principal. OK, so that didn't happen.

Putting that aside, I wonder if Bendis isn't trying to speed things up a bit. The last few stories have been shorter. It seems like until "Silver Sable", everything was six parts. Then "Silver Sable" was five, "Deadpool" was four, and this "Morbius" story is only two issues. Is Bendis trying to answer the critics, the one's who say he writes too slowly? If so, more power to him. Less decompression would be good, he just needs to give me some advance warning.

Normally he seems to handle just one thing per issue, but like I said when I reviewed this week's offering, we had a Blade flashback, Peter/Kitty discussion, Urich's story, Peter/MJ, and vampire fighting. That's a lot of stuff, so it gave me the initial impression he was wandering allover, with no real plan. In reality, he may have been trying to accelerate his pace. Who knew such a thing was possible?

Despite that, I still can't change the fact that I really didn't want to see Spider-Man fighting vampires. "The Other" pretty much killed my desire to see any Spider-Man dealing with any sort of mystical/supernatural hoopa-joop. But, I am curious to see whether Morbius is once again a product of science gone awry, or if he's a straight up vampire.

Thus, I retroactively increase the score to 3.4 out of 5. One final thought. Bendis, don't do Ultimate Clone Saga. I'm telling you this for your own good. The phrase "Clone Saga" holds a severe stigma amongst us Spider-fans, so unless this is going to be a one issue joke story, like that absurd (and hilarious) "What if Wolverine and Spider-Man switched bodies?" story, you're just asking for trouble. It really is better for you to just go a different direction. Go with the "Jean DeWolff works for the Kingpin" plot. Do some more mutant-related stuff, you know, ex-Brotherhood members come after the X-Men's #1 buddy, Spider-Man. Hell, do more "Nick Fury is a manipulative bastard" stuff. Clone Saga? Just a dud waiting to happen. We're talking "Battlefield Earth" sized dud. Just something to consider

Of Villainy

On Thursday, Jack was going through the new Wizard. Specifically, he was reading their "100 Greatest Villains" list to Len and me. I'm going to ignore the obvious pandering of the Joker as #1 (really, when you're not confining yourself to comics, you're including movies and literature, and some crazy-ass clown is #1?), and the fact that they seem to confuse "villain" with "force the protagonist is set against", such as the shark from Jaws. It's a force of nature, with no malice, just trying to survive, even if Spielberg (and Benchley) and try to portray it as having a grudge against the crew of the Orca. This post is about two characters that were in the low twenties, mirrors of each other, one of them one spot ahead of the other. I mean Darkseid and Thanos, with Thanos having been considered superior.

Len seemed to feel this was backwards. I felt that it wasn't, because Thanos had once killed half the universe and become the living embodiment of the rest, which I'm pretty sure Darkseid can't match. Len felt that was the problem: Thanos peaked with Infinity Gauntlet, and he'd never inspire the same level of "Oh, shit!" reaction again, whereas Darkseid could still reach new heights in that regard. Personally, I think Thanos can still be the greater threat, especially written a certain way, and it boils down to what I've interpreted as the difference between the two (the key here, to me, would be to be well-written, which is always dicey).

Darkseid - Darkseid wants to use this fabled "anti-life equation" to bring the whole universe under his heel, ostensibly to bring order to it. The key, of course, is that it be under his control. I doubt that if Tim Drake stumbled across the equation and used it (not sure I would put it past Teen Titans Tim), Darkseid would be all that pleased the universe had been put in order. That gives his scheme more of a personal touch than say, the Borg's "assimilate everyone" plan. To accomplish his goals, Darkseid commands a wide variety of scientists, spies, warriors, underlings, etc. But at the end of the day, he feels he's got time, so if things are being fouled up by say, a certain Kryptonian, he's willing to call it off, and withdraw, and wait for a more opportune moment. It feels very bottom-line.

Thanos - Thanos, at least the one I've read, loves Death. Admires the fact that Death is the ultimate power of the universe, that conquers everyone and everything eventually. He wants to demonstrate, through his actions as its servant, that he's worthy of Death returning his love. How that would work is a mystery to me, but it seems to be his desire, and it's nice to have goals. He typically works alone, but like Darkseid, can create these huge, grandiose schemes, all to prove his devotion to Death. However, he should have a much harder time letting go of those plans if things start to go south.

Because here's the critical difference to me: Because Thanos is motivated by love, which thus far has been unrequited, he's got an air of desperation to him that Darkseid lacks. Thanos has been trying for years to gain Death's affections, and it's never worked. He's still regarded as nothing more than another servant, no different from Cletus Kasady (Carnage), or a supernova, though somewhat more effective. That's going to drive him, push him. Yes, he can't kill half the people in the universe again; the last time he tried that, Death actually turned against him. But perhaps it isn't the quantity, but the quality that would be important. To destroy those who most often defy or escape Death's grasp. That could be various heroes, or it could be some of the more cosmic beings, that have been around for eons.

I think at their best neither character should be used often, one every 3 to 8 years, tops. What you do in the interim, is drop hints of their newest scheme in a few books. Say, in 2008 Marvel has in two different titles - one issue each - something that hints at a greater threat. Doesn't have to point to Thanos, could be attributed to whatever threat was being dealt with in the title at that time (say, the Mole Man). Then in '09, maybe five comics. 2010, ten or eleven comics. Things start to tie together more, you can see it building, maybe some of the heroes can see it too; how it synchs up with what happened in '08. Then in 2011, Thanos (or Darkseid) puts whatever highly complex and convoluted plan they've been unveiling into motion, and the heroes have to scramble to stop it.

Obviously, the villains lose (this is comics after all, good's gotta triumph, if for no other reason than I say so), but I think the difference would be highlighted. Eventually Darkseid would realize that even if he won whatever battle his forces were engaged in, the losses would make the cost too high, or would cost him too much time to succeed in his greater strategy. The day lost, he'd withdraw, though probably not before striking down some brave superfluous character (by 2011, it's probably the current Blue Beetle or the new Batwoman, who're being shoved aside for newer versions), and you wouldn't see him again until, oh 2018 or so, when he kicks his new grand scheme into high gear.

With Thanos though, there wouldn't be withdrawal. Couldn't be. For him, it isn't just the success that's important, it's the attempt. Continuing forward regardless of what's placed before him would be his way of proving that he truly loves Death, irregardless of cost. Of course, this probably means even more deaths of lower-tier characters than the Darkseid story, but that's the way it goes I suppose. He'd have to be battered until he simply couldn't rise to keep going anymore. Then he'd be imprisoned, and use the time to heal, and prepare his next attempt, which you'd see around 2016 (Marvel seems to squish these things together too much, you know).

A few problems here, especially for Thanos, but in no particular order: First, too much creative turnover to guarantee it could continue to build for four or five years. The writer behind it gets fed up with the company and leaves, then where are you? Second, eventually Thanos would get to the point where the only way his story could end, after say three or four of these failures, is him realizing the only way to gain acceptance from Death was to die himself. That's why you spread the appearances out, by the time that happens, it's something like 2035, you've gotten sixty years out of him, you can let him go. Whether it's with lots of other deaths, or just himself, I'd leave up to the creators. Third, Thanos runs the risk off coming off as really pathetic in this, or at least really whipped. You'd have to make sure to show he does enjoy the power he's gaining from this scheme, in addition to his hopes of acceptance by Death. And you'd need someone who could write a pseudo-love story well. How about the person who writes Spider-Man Loves Mary Jane? No, I'm not joking, the love part is important, and needs to be portrayed well.

Alright, I've rambled well off track, and may have talked more about how I think the characters should be, then how they actually are, but let me try to bring this together. The thing that - to me - makes Thanos a greater villain, is passion. There's more emotion in what he does, and while that can also make him easier to defeat, it makes him more driven, and dangerous to the people who are trying to stop him. It's the difference between Winslow Homer painting Gulf Stream, and me doing a paint-by-the-numbers recreation of it. I'd really try, I'd want to do a good job , and I'd be frustrated when I failed, but, even if I did a perfect job, it still wouldn't be as good, because it lacks whatever Holmes felt when he made the original.

Wow, I think that's my first artistic comparison on this blog. Free drinks for all!

Betcha Wouldn't See This Coming

I have the feeling that Hawkeye, when he actually makes an appearance, will be in support of the Superhuman Registration Act.

It seems odd, given he's usually been your typical anti-establishment Marvel hero. The Avenger, moreso than any other, who gave Gyrich crap just because. Still, I would think that he might have experienced a shift in perception.

He died because Wanda Michael Bendis Maximoff couldn't - or wouldn't - control her powers. Thus, all that crap was brought down on the Avengers, culminating in Hawkeye kamikaziing a Kree spaceship (those of us at the store still aren't sure whether that was a real Kree spaceship Wanda drew there, or just something she created, like the Ultrons Vision spit out). Based on that, he might be of the mindset that rounding capes up, and especially training them, is a good idea.

After all, to be able to run with the Avengers, Hawkeye had to train his ass off. He didn't have any special powers (I'm overlooking his time as Goliath, that was just stupid), so he had to make himself as good as he possibly could be at archery to be able to earn that spot on the team. Heck, he might not make a bad teacher. He learned hand-to-hand combat from Captain America himself, and Cap's certainly not going to be available to teach.

Reflections #25 - Amazing Spider-Man #532

I'm curious, is the registration act going to force everyone with superpowers to come forward, even if they don't use them in a vigilante way? What about someone who, as Max Lord once mentioned, has luck powers that help them win at bingo a lot, but isn't even aware of them? Are they a criminal? How could you prove that they really didn't know they had powers?

That aside, Spider-Man cannot, I repeat CANNOT, reveal his identity to the world. I've already discussed the reasons why in this post, but to sum up, there are entirely too many people that would jump at the chance to kill Spider-Man's loved ones, just before they killed him. And there's no way SHIELD could protect May and MJ. And I'm sure Peter would be off in Madripoor at the time, taking care of something that SHIELD assured him was "evil", so he's not going to be saving the day.

Personally, I think Peter should have asked Tony to use that satellite he has that made everyone forget he was Iron Man, to make May and MJ forget he's Spidey. Then he grabs his money, his costume (thanks Aunt May!), his webshooters, and runs. In essence, he becomes what the Spider-Clone, Ben Reilly was, those five years in between his first appearance, and his return to New York. That way, MJ and May can't be accused of aiding a fugitive, because they no longer have any idea Peter is Spider-Man. Let me put it in terms Quesada would like: Peter would effectively no longer be married. He could not have any contact with Mary Jane, because it would get her arrested. And I'm sure, after awhile, Peter would get lonely out on the road, and well, he's back to dating. Or at least sleeping around. Hooray, Joey gets what he wants.

. . .

. . .

Sorry, I had to go throw up, after I realized I just suggested Spider-Man should act more like Nightwing. In fact, just typing that made me need to go throw up again.

. . .

. . .

That last bit aside, I still don't necessarily like this, as I called it yesterday, Fugitive Spider-Man, but it makes a lot more sense than him as an Agent of SHIELD. Spider-Man is supposed to be a hero that suits up to save lives, often without understanding the larger context of what's going on, and that's fine because it doesn't matter. He's going to use his power to help people; that's who he is. Political affiliations and religious beliefs don't matter, the man protected Doctor Doom once, fer pete's sake!

Of course the wrench in my "mindwipe and run" plan is you have to get Stark's help. Like Peter, I'm not sure whether Stark would reveal his identity to the world. I think Stark is trying to minimize collateral damage, and getting MJ and May arrested is probably not something he wants. At the same time, I have no doubt Stark will hunt Spider-Man down if given the order, and that he would use May and MJ to draw Peter back in. Which means he probably would refuse to brainwash them, because as long as they know, they're a lever he can use to manipulate Peter. Keep in mind, he brings up the fact that Peter's decision affects more than just him; he wants any potential suffering May and Mary Jane might go through in the forefront of Parker's brain. Stark is starting to vie why ultimate Nick Fury on my "manipulative bastard" list. And Peter goes along with it, because Stark's "been like a father to him." Ugh. Uncle Ben just rolled over in his grave, and I just threw up on my keyboard. I get that Peter has had a lack of male role models, what with his father dying when he was young, Uncle Ben's death, his father and mother's miraculous return being a twisted plot by Harry Osborn to give Peter one last kick in the nuts from beyond the grave, but he's really going to be blind to just how much he's being led by the nose by Stark?

Even so, I just can't see Peter unmasking. So what's left for him to do? Well, he could use this as a bully pulpit, and try to explain why this registration act is a bad idea, followed by running for his life from Stark and SHIELD. He could try what he did to Doc Ock that one time, where he pulled off the mask in front off everyone to reveal. . . another mask. The catch would be this time, the mask underneath would be the Iron Spider mask. And he would just say he was a robot programmed by Tony Stark to simulate the "real" Spider-Man, who died recently. Spidey's death at Morlun's hands in known about, at least by the NYPD, so it might just work, except Bendis had SHIELD unmask him in New Avengers. I suppose Parker and Stark could argue he was given that human face to allow him to interact with people. The final option, and the one I like best, is that his announcement is that he's not telling them squat. Then he webs the press corps, throws the Iron Spider costume in Stark's face, and heads for the hills. Probably the most unlikely of the three.

I will admit, I really want to see want happens next month. Of course, it's in that NASCAR "I want to see a massive car wreck" sense, but still.

What I Bought 6/1/06

A bit of a return to normalcy from last week's 7-pack, only three books for me this week. One of these is Amazing Spider-Man #532, so none of you should buy that this week, because I'll discuss it, with a review today, and a more in-depth look this weekend probably. I did, however, look through several other books, - SPOILERS! - including the most recent Hulk (Green Scar vs. Silver Savage over too soon), that new Spectre book (Yawn), I think it was last week's She-Hulk (meh), Son of M #6 ('war', I really enjoyed that), Ultimate Extinction #5 (Way too much happened too fast), and Superman/Batman #26. I might talk more about that one tomorrow. Anyway, on with the 3, spoiler warnings, because I don't want you to fling used chimpanzee diapers at me.

Amazing Spider-Man #532 - Remember, I bought and read it, so YOU DON'T HAVE TO. Seriously, don't buy this, it's terrible. For all the poltical yadda-yadda the previous two issues had, they were still good because there was webslinging. This issue? No webslinging. So what did transpire?

Peter and Tony go to Stamford. Peter observes that the people hate them, Tony understands their sentiment. Thanks a lot Stark, or should I call you "Windsock"? Tony and Peter go to the White House, because the Prez wants to speak with Stark about all this. Peter's got 5 o'clock shadow. C'mon Parker, show a little class, it's the White House, man! The President tells Tony the bill to force superhumans to register will be signed within a week. He also asks Stark if he is Iron Man. Tony told him "yes". Now comes the crappy part.

If Peter is going to work with Tony Stark, because of Stark's position, Peter has to reveal his identity to the world. If he doesn't, then Tony will be aiding a fugitive (apparently that's a bad thing, who knew?). Peter is, not surprisingly, against this course of action, but Stark points out refusal doesn't just bring the law down on Peter, but on May and MJ. Dirty pool, Stark. Stark makes it pretty clear, stand with me, or we're done, the choice is Pete's.

On the way back to New York, Peter starts investigating the possibility of taking all the money that's just his (not in the shared account with MJ, good man) and hitting the road, in essence, doing the Ben Reilly thing. 11 thousand dollars could last a while like that, I'd figure, but Pete needs to talk to his family first. This is where someone says in singsong voice "Somebody's whipped." MJ and May don't want Peter to live on the run, as they couldn't have any contact with him, so they assure him they're fine with his going public. Aunt May is heavily in favor, because she wants people to stop thinking of him as a criminal. Still, Pete's ready to run, 'till Aunt May cuts him off, damn old woman. Fugitive Spider-Man is much more interesting than Peter Parker, Agent of SHIELD. Pete returns to Washington, and these are the words that fill me with dread (from Peter, to Stark):

"You took us in when we had noweher to go. You've been good to MJ, and to Aunt May. You stood by us. You've been like - a father to me. I made a promise that I would stand by you, no matter what. I keep my promises, Tony. Do what you have to. I'll back you up. All the way."

Which is how we get a final page of Spider-Man (classic costume, whoo?), standing in front of the Press Corps, preparing to make an announcement.

This has all the makings of a horrible idea, but I will be kind and somewhat reserve judgement until next issue, so 2.1 out of 5. I've got a lot more to say, but this is running long, so probably tomorrow.

Ultimate Spider-Man #95 - Well, nothing horrifying happens in this comic, it just seems to meander a bit, without really doing much. First we have a flashback to when Spidey met Ultimate Blade, way back in that Ultimate Marvel Team-Up book, that came out before even Ultimate X-Men had begun. Flash to the present.

Peter and Kitty are having a phone conversation. Apparently, Spider-Man and Shadowcat is the hot couple of the year, which means Peter and Kitty can't go dating, especially since Kitty has to stay in the X-Mansion for awhile. Kitty yells at Peter, Peter gets a concerned, Kitty realizes she was yelling at him about stuff that isn't his fault, she freaks that she's driven him off, Pete calms her down, the situation seems temporarily resolved. Peter then sees Ben Urich's story on vampires get shot down by Jonah, because it's too silly. Riiiight. The Earth being menaced by a fleet of giant artificial bug-ships that hate organic life happens, but vampires, that's just absurd. Urich agrees it's currently a weak story, but Peter knows there are vampires, but can't tell Urich, because he met one as Spider-Man, yadda, yadda.

Peter tries to talk to MJ, who is less than pleased with the Spidey/Shadowcat thing. That conversation predictably goes downhill, especially when Peter suggests MJ ought to start dating again, and that she's still his "friend". Yikes. Smooth move there, Master P.

Then Urich goes missing while trying to improve his story. Then Spidey goes searching. Then Morbius shows up. Hmm. Something was off with the art here, I think it's because Tony Dell, the normal inker, didn't do all of it, Palmiotti handled some of the chores, because Bagley's art just doesn't look as clean as normal, especially in the MJ/Peter scene. 2.9 out of 5.

The Punisher: The Tyger - And this, was the high point of the week. Sigh. I'm not entirely sure what this is, other than trying to fit some more motivation for Frank Castle's war than just "His family was killed senslessly, and he developed a taste for killing in 'Nam." I don't think that's a bad thing; it's just difficult to reconcile the kid who attends a poetry class at the catholic school with the guy we see now, even if this is written by Ennis.

So Frank likes poetry, but draws the ire of the instructor, Father David, for suggesting William Blake's poem "The Tyger", is telling us that fierce things like tigers weren't made by God, while sweet things like lambs were. Imagine if Frank says that's because God is a woman, and so doesn't understand big mean things like tigers. The nuns would have had his hide. Along with this, we get to see Frank maybe developing a tenative relationship with a girl in the class, we see a man set on fire, and a confused young woman step out in front of a truck. Turns out she was taken by the son of the local boss, and ain't shit anybody can do about it, including Frank's dad, who survived Iwo Jima, but is more frightened by this. Even so, there's always going to be someone who'll say "Screw it, I'm not standing for this," and this story is no exception.

Well, little Mister 'Take Girls Whenever He Wants' gets his comeuppance, in typically vicious Ennis style, but not from who you're expecting. This wasn't bad, wasn't great, if only because I still find it kind of hard to see the boy Frank was growing into the guy he became. The more I think about it, the more I can see it, so maybe by this weekend I can verbalize it. We'll see. 3.8 out of 5.

One last thing.

Geoff Johns, put Sand in the new Justice Society of America book. That is all.

You Say It's Your Birthday . . .

Why yes, yes I do say. I was going to do a post about how Dazzler keeps coming back to life in New Excalibur, but I don't have much in the way of theories, and I'd rather do a post that talks about Grimjack anyway. And I'm sure you'd rather read that too.

The story in question, which shares it's title with this post, was in Grimjack #24. This was a 2nd anniversary issue, but pretty light on actual story. It was mostly a reprint of the first Grimjack story (an awesome 2-part backup in Starslayer) and this little "Munden's Bar" story. I loved that Grimjack would frequently have 14 pages of John Gaunt killing people, then switch to an 8 page Munden's Bar story drawn by Fred Hembreck starring the cast of the Mary Tyler Moore Show. I'm not joking about that.

That's not the case here. Gaunt is alone in his bar, after closing time, having a drink. Alone. Except he's joined by the a large bird person named Krupp, who remarks that it's John's birthday. The Big Five-Oh. Gaunt talks about how years of fighting have caught up with him, how easy it is to hurt himself just by turning wrong as he gets out of bed. This would seem pretty standard except, Krupp's dead. Killed in Grimjack #1. He's a specter, even has the hole in his head from where Gaunt through the javelin through it. And throughout this little conversation, the bar fills with specters, as Krupp says 'Pretty soon, you'll be one of us.' Gaunt's response? 'Ha! I guess I will at that!' Then he (and all the ghosts) start laughing. Enter Spook.

Spook, as the name might suggest, is a ghost, and is stuck on that plane of existence with unfinished business. She was also the closest thing to a romantic interest Gaunt had at that point. Honestly, she was well-suited for that, as John's track record with the ladies is even worse than Kyle Rayner's. That is not a misprint, I said WORSE than Kyle Rayner's. I'll go over it in detail some day.

Anyway, Spook, is somewhat perturbed by John sitting here with all these ghosts. Of course, John isn't bothered, and introduces Spook to the cast, including his former buddy/informant Feetus, his brothers, and some other characters we've met previously. Spook tells him he's manifesting these spirits. John retorts that an old wizard mentor of his told him he didn't have the calm soul needed for that. Spook, who appears to be on the verge of being assaulted by the rowdy spirits, counters by saying he lacks the calm soul neccessary to control his power, but not to use it (this is an important factor in later stories). At which point John sees the ghost of Katar (more on him another time) menacing the bar's mascot, Bob, the gatorlizard.

That helps John get his shit together, and he banishes the spirits, leaving the bar a huge mess, which Gordon will naturally have to clean up. Grimjack gets escorted to his bed by Spook, so it wouldn't seem to be all bad, but Bob gets to come along too, so maybe no birthday gift for Mr. Gaunt.

The important lesson of the comic is this: spend your birthday in positive ways, rather than moping around by yourself, reflecting on your approaching death. That means no drinking alone in closed bars, or in the case of my birthday last year, no sitting in a McDonald's in Piedmont being depressed about spending your birthday sitting in a McDonald's in Piedmont. Which is why I spent a couple of hours today going through the archive of Dave's Long Box, because laughter is important, even if it's just because Kobra once kicked Batman's ass. Man, that's a sappy paragraph, innit?

So what's your favorite birthday themed issue of a comic?

Reflections #24 - X-Factor #7

Very simple post today. Siryn is right of course, to not be all that concerned with her father's "death". He's an X-Person; he'll be back. My question is: when and how will he be back?

Having heard that the Beyonder(?!) may be making a comeback sometime during Civil War (which makes me really start to think I was on to something here. The return of sentient universes? Hooboy.), my first thought was that he's going to reset everything to the way it was a few years prior, which eliminates X-Men: Deadly Genesis and and Banshee's death, along with a flock of other bad ideas. Of course that's wishful thinking.

So here's my prediction. X-Factor #25, Siryn has come to grips that her "da'" is really gone, the squad is in the middle of a battle with some squad of high-tech killers sent by Damian Tryp the Younger, who has gotten tired of X-Factor's meddling. During the battle Siryn really cuts loose, and her scream tears a hole in the fabris of reality and Banshee falls out. Surprise!

OK, so maybe it's a Sean Cassidy from an alternate universe, but it's close enough.

So let's hear your guesses.

I Like Toast

Especially when the butter melts into it, so it's crunchy and chewy at the same time. Freaking delicious.

In other news, DC may be able to count on taking more of my money this fall. For whatever reason, I am quite excited about the new Justice Society of America book that's going to be starting up. Granted, I don't understand why they needed to cancel the one they had, just to start another one, but whatever floats their boat, I suppose.

Sure, it's written by Geoff Johns, which means it's toast, but still, if the most recent Teen Titans is any indication, Johns is back to making toast I find palatable. Following that analogy, what was Infinite Crisis? Johns' attempt to make toast the center of an elaborate seven-course meal? Or an omelete with toast that went horribly wrong, because the eggs were spoiled or something? Was he trying to do something entirely different, like recreate that banquet scene from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom? You know, with chilled monkey brains and live baby snakes, and. . . I need to go throw up now. Or do we give him a mulligan, since it was an Editorially Mandated Massive Event Mini-Series?

But I digress.

Based on what's known now, the team has Power Girl, Hourman, Damage, and a new Starman. Power Girl is always a plus, since I assume Johns is capable of writing her as the ass-kicker she is. It's nice to see they'll be doing something with Damage other than "Oh yeah, he survived that fight in Infinite Crisis #1. Nope, no idea where he is now." Now a new Starman? Is that because they don't want to mess with James Robinson's stuff, or something else? Does that mean Stargirl has to give him that staff thing she has (that was Starman's originally, right? Damn, I know so little of DC)? Ah well, I guess that will be answered in time. I'll just have to wait. Oh yeah, put Sand on the team. Do it Johns. Don't make me include this plea at the end of every post from now until you actually comply, because I'm just irritating enough to do it.

On the other side of the coin, I'm not real interested in Meltzer's JLA (sorry, Justice League of America *rolls eyes*). What's the over/under on the number of issues before an over-the-hill Mirror Master kills the girl who's supposed to tutor Tim Drake, because Detective Chimp's one-night stand in Tijuana wants revenge?

Can you tell I'm not a Meltzer fan?

Things I Think About #37

If I understand this correctly, Marvel and DC have to use characters every so often, or they lose the rights to them. This may even require giving them a book, even if it's just a one-shot (I'm less certain about this).

So my disquieting thought for the day is this: What if Annihilation is just some huge thing to keep Marvel from losing the rights to the majority of their space-themed characters?

I mean, when was the last time we'd seen Stellaris or Nebula before Annihilation:Ronan? Or the Nova Corps? Air-Walker? Super Skrull does get some use, so he and the Silver Surfer may not really fit. But I notice the Shi'ar have gotten some fairly recent use in X-titles, and they're the only one of the former Big 3 Space Empires (Shi'ar, Kree, Skrulls) that hasn't been involved in Annihilation thus far.

That being said, I still think the galactic scope of Annihilation can give it an epic feel, and it might be especially interesting if the Earth is never really involved, if for no other reason that it's a reminder that Earth is just one tiny world, and there's a whole big universe of stuff going on out there, no Earthling has any idea about.

Of course, Reed Richards does know about the Annihilation Wave, courtesy of Super-Skrull, so I suppose he could be trying to prepare, but I think between Civil War and Onslaught Reborn and so on, he'll be a little too busy to really put much time into it.

Reflections #23 - New Avengers #19

So Jake has advised those of us who buy New Avengers to either stop buying it or stop complaining about it, and he used a father-related story from his childhood as an analogy, so I certainly can't argue with that. In that vein, I nominante Jake to be the one who reads the Civil War tie-in issues of New Avengers for the rest of us. Drink the hemlock for the greater good, Jake!

I was going to suggest Randy, seeing as he said he might stick with the book until #25, but it doesn't seem right to do that to someone still recovering from an illness, you know?

I think Carla hit on the problem in the comments of the above post, when she said Bendis knows he can't write team books, and is trying to learn. And that's great, self-improvement is always a good idea. Except, the Avengers are supposed to be Marvel's big-gun team (I suppose you could argue Fantastic Four, but that seems to be more family, sort of Lost in Space, without the "lost" part), and thus need to be written well. If Bendis wants to work on writing teams, switch him to Marvel Team-Up, and give New Avengers to Kirkman. Or Joe Casey. Or Len. Sure he wants to write X-Men, but if he could fix New Avengers, then I'm sure he could write his own ticket.

It's kind of sad, because Bendis has had these flashes, where I feel like he "gets" it, but he can't do it consistently. The huge breakout at the Raft, putting 42 (sorry, 45) super-villains back in play, including Count Nefaria, a guy who can beat down Thor, back in play? Captain America realizing the importance of getting some heroes together to catch them? Periodic appearences by Warbird? And the Collective was finally a threat worthy of the Avengers, big-time menace.

The problem is that's stuff is widely separated by all the missteps. Wasting 10 issues to get three members of the team. Putting The Sentry on the team. The lack of actually catching the escaped super-villains. Too much espionage/spy stuff. I get that Bendis wants to make Jessica Drew this character you aren't sure you can trust, but if he's going to use HYDRA in the Avengers, it should be because they want to blow something up, or kill many, many people, ala the New Avengers story in Amazing Spider-Man last year. The Sentry is on the team. Warbird is not. SHIELD has gotten more face time than Cage has. Did I mention The Sentry is on the team?

Hmm, I haven't said much about the actual issue. Well, I think it falters because he fails to get many characters involved. Other than Iron Man and Not-Thor Guy, nobody does anything. I can't decide whether the thing with SHIELD is like that South Park episode where the town of Beaverton gets flooded, what with Commander Hill being more concerned with finding out what "House of M" is, rather than actually dealing with the threat that has been caused by it. Time for questions is later, time for stopping immensely powerful mutant is now. Maybe Bendis is just setting up for a big, exciting conclusion. I can almost see a way this ends that wipes out House of M, as they draw the energy from poor Michael, and it returns to the original mutants. Hooray, Stacy X gets her powers back! Chamber, too! Except SHIELD would probably try to block that, end up hoarding all that power for itself.

Wasn't there supposed to some former SHIELD agent that Captain America told Commander Hill to bring? Is she planning on showing up?

I have however figured out what's up with Commander Hill, why she's such a royal pain in the ass to everyone. Simply put, she's trying to out-Nick Fury, Nick Fury. She's trapped in his shadow, and the only way she can see to step out of it is to be a bigger ball-buster than he was. Except Nick seemed to know when that wasn't neccessary, and when he could ease off. You don't have to play it like that with Captain America because, if the situation is serious, then Cap will already be taking it seriously. Of course, she could be picking up on the fact that some of the capes (Cap included) are resentful of the fact she seemed to get this job by helping kick Fury to the curb, and so she meets their hostility with hostility.

Or maybe she's just combative for the plot's sake. Whichever really. One issue to go in "The Collective", come on Bendis, wow me.

Or don't, then I've got an extra three dollars to spend on Heroclix each month.

And I Tell You Now, We, WE!!, Have The Power To Stop Him

Chris' review helped me realize that we can defeat the Evil Major Event Civil War. How, you say?

My father grew up on a farm. Once, while on a walk, I asked him what happened if the cows or bulls got angry and attacked him (because he told me he once got kicked by a mule, so I figured he must have had other conflicts with the farmyard populace). He told me that in that scenario, the best thing to do - besides getting out of the way - was pick up a big stick, and hit the offending heifer right between the eyes. That would give them pause. But what does THAT have to do with this, you ask?

Well, Chris reviewed Iron Man #8. His review details that there is something going on with Mr. Stark. This gives me the feeling that it relates to Tony Stark's actions leading up to and in Civil War. But I was able to get that without buying the comic. Likewise, when I review next week's Amazing Spider-Man (look for the review next week!), I may be able to provide my readers with some insights as to how it ties-in with Civil War, again without them spending money on the title. Add in the person who reviews the She-Hulk tie-ins, or the Young Avengers/Runaways book, and people can get a good idea what's going on, without spending a lot of money. So how's that tie-in to my dad's livestock wisdom?

We, the comic bloggers are being imperiled by a large Event Comic, with something like 87-issues spread between over a dozen books. If we share information on the few books we read, it saves others from spending money, which hurts sales, and thus we are the big stick. So guess who gets to play the part of the bovine we're hitting between the eyes?

Sure the easier response would be to get out of the way (just back away from Civil War tie-ins until it's over), but it's much more fun to discuss figuratively hitting Quesada in the face with a big stick, right?

A few things, from Chris' review of Iron Man #8, and my reading it in the store today. If Stark is in fact going nuts, it makes much more sense for him to be on the same said as Hank Pym, Marvel poster boy for mental disorder. But why Reed Richards? Well, Dr. Niles Caulder of the Doom Patrol has the answer. See, reed has been stretching all parts of his body for years (keep your perverted jokes to yourself), and that includes his brain. So much like Elasti-Girl, all this stretching has affected Reed' ability to think straight. So when Tony got the Illuminati together to discuss working with the government, Reed was confused but figured the safest bet was to agree with his genius buddy and fellow "futurist" Tony Stark. If Sue had been there, she'd have set him straight, but oops, they thought it was a good idea to exclude their loved ones from the group.

You might say, but why has it taken Reed so long to show the effects of this Elastic Brain Syndrome*? It hasn't, it's just always manifested itself in the form of Reed neglecting Sue, or failing to permanently cure Ben Grimm (I know, Ben subconsciously doesn't want to be cured, just work with me, I'm doing this on the fly), or when he decides it's a good idea to tell Galactus he can try to come back and eat Earth, so as to get Galactus to defeat the Sphinx. Everyone just figured it was your typical Absent-Minded Professor stuff.

Other thoughts. I believe Stark is suffering from one of the following: One, his becoming Machine God, has enabled his armor to respond to subconscious desires, so it attaches itself in his sleep, and carries out his dream-desire to kill people. Having allowed this subconscious desire to be realized, it begins to flow into the conscious. Two, someone knows about his transformation, and is transmitting subliminal commands on the same frequency that lets Stark get e-mails directly in his head. Three, becoming Machine God is divorcing him from parts of his humanity, thus killing evil people is not a moral consideration, it merely seems logical. I figure two is most likely.

Also, I was very impressed with Spider-Man's attempt to save Captain America. Even if he don't look it, Spidey is stronger, tougher, and has less mass than Cap, so he can withstand more gravity. And throwing himself in the way to protect someone is such a Parker move, because he's got a death wish (Curse you, The Other!). I meant because he's a truly selfless hero who believes it's only right he give his life for Captain America.

That being said, he probably should have realized that Cap was still trapped under him, so it probably didn't matter much whether Cap died from Graviton crushing him into the ground, or from Graviton crushing Peter into the ground, but not before he pushed him through Captain America. Still, points for effort, right?

* Elastic Brain Syndrome is a registered trademark of Dr. Niles Caulder, but I'm here, and he's in Prague, so what's he gonna do if I don't have express written consent? That's right, nothing. Take that, you manipulative bastard!

Reflections #22 - Teen Titans #36

Caulder seriously bothers me. I think Robin may be on to something, except he didn't go far enough. He said Caulder is trying to make them all so worried about being accepted they'll jump through his hoops, do whatever he commands. I think Caulder is probably going even further, lying about their need to stay with him for treatment of their conditions, so he has a super-powered army to do whatever he wants.

Mento can't take off the helmet because Caulder says Elasti-Girl doesn't want to be with Steve Dayton. Maybe that's because the "good" Doctor is making her feel that way. He told her she needs to let him do her thinking, because her "elastic brain" can't think straight. And it seems to be working, given she acts extremely subservient during the scene in the operating room, like a little child. Color me skeptical of Caulder's science. Beast Boy's not going anywhere because he's got his adoptive parents (does he mean legally adopted?) there, who look like they need him to take care of them. Which gives Caulder a hook to keep him there. "Oh Garfield, it wouldn't be good for you to leave with the Teen Titans right now. Mento and Elasti-Girl are in very fragile states, and your disappearence might exacerbate the situation." I can really feel my dislike for this guy rising.

Bumblebee has to stay or else her heart will go into cardiac arrest from being so small. Say what? The Atom doesn't have hat problem, and he's gone a hell of a lot smaller than she is in his career. I feel bad for Mal, I mean Vox (Vox? Seriously, what the hell kind of codename is that?), what with being turned into Black Bolt and all. I wonder if he's even tried speaking, or if he just took the Doc's word for it. I'd bet on the latter. But why would replacing his heart and lungs make his voice destructive?

Ultimately, this reminds me how the more we've found out about Xavier over the years, the less benevolent he's seemed. He kept the X-Men in this special school, because they needed to learn how to control their powers or else they'd get themselves into trouble. But at least the original five had parental consent, and could go out on the town. Of course, they weren't as freakishly deformed as the Doom Patrol either. But Xavier never did help Logan discover the truth about his past (thanks Wanda), or help Rouge control her powers, despite his promises to do these things. Has Caulder always been this shady?

I guess the lesson is, to never trust a guy in a wheelchair, regardless of whether they've got hair or not. I was going to make a joke about keeping a staircase nearby, but that's inappropriate, so on to other matters.

Could Bumblebee change size before? I get that she's stuck at that size now, but could she shrink and grow before? Why would Kid Devil lie about being in contact with Blue Devil all the time? Given how hard up for Titans Robin seems to be, that doesn't seem like the criteria that would keep Eddie off the team. I do like that Robin is taking a stand for him, and saying he's staying with the Titans. It's not going to help Kid Devil to be cloistered off in some castle in Prague. Of course, maybe Robin figures he can't afford to lose anymore team members.

I was thinking back over #35, and I can't figure why Cyborg would tell Wonder Girl they were going to get the 'real Titans' back. Isn't Cyborg like the Martian Manhunter of the Teen Titans? That guy who is sort of considered to have always been there, even if it isn't true? In which case, wouldn't he have had like 700 different teammates by now? Didn't he tell Speedy when she joined the Titans, that there were Titans allover the world? So why would he say 'real Titans'? I suppose he could just be trying to adjust to being back, and wants to surround himself with the familiar.

I wonder what it means, that there was the two-panel shot of Wonder Girl and Ravager facing off, and they chose to show Ravager from the side with no eye. It means something, I suppose maybe that she's still hiding her fear of being kicked to the curb - and having to run from her father - from the rest of the team. Or maybe it represents her hiding the depth of concern for Kid Devil, who seems to be the only Titan that really accepts her.

I think Robin is still going to steal some of that cloning equipment for his own use, and I still think Ravager is going to be the one who notices, and has to decide what to do with the information.

Ok, I admit it, the new squad has grown on me. My one caveat would be this: I did this post where I said Dr. Light needed to revert to being a total loser, to help bring back a lighter feel to DC. Putting aside -SPOILER FOR 52! - that Black Adam ripped a guy in half in this week's 52 being a pretty clear indication things aren't going to be cheerier, Len! mentioned in the comments that heroes are defined by villains, and the Titans versus this new more dangerous Dr. Light should be an ongoing struggle, with no clear winner, like a lot of Magneto vs. X-Men battles. That's fine, except looking at this team, I can't see how they last five minutes against the Dr. Light we've seen over the last year. They are just sorely lacking in power, which I guess would be part of the fun, but it feels like it would be the Riddler Effect in reverse, to the heroes advantage instead of the villains. That small, probably irrelevant concern aside, I think Johns is doing better now that he's back on something that's smaller scale, as opposed to the monstrous scale of Infinite Crisis.

What I Bought 5/24/06

Something I learned from skimming 52 this week: Booster Gold is a Cubs fan. How do I know? He lists being a Cardinals fan as a reason to hate a villain, thus Booster must be a Cubs fan. This means he's overly enamored with sucking, losing, and general incompetence, which now that I think of it, explains his career pretty well. No, I won't retract that statement. He listed being a Cardinals fan as being a bad thing, he should die. OK, enough of that tripe, seven(!) books, with the typical spoiler warnings

Annihilation: Ronan #2 - Um, I'm not really following what's going on. There are too many characters running around, and it's only been tangentially connected to Annihilation thus far. But anyway, Ronan uses his considerable power to beat down Stellaris and Nebula. This quite impressed me given that Stellaris has gone toe-to-toe with Thor. On the positive, at least they remembered Stellaris is a woman; given the state of Marvel today I wouldn't have been surprised if someone forgot.

So Ronan finds out from his buddy Korath, what's up with all these crazy ladies. A Skrull fights with Devos, who I vaugely remember from some Fantastic Four comics around the time Sue went to the slut costume (what the hell were they thinking with that?). Some gold dude is manipulating people. I figured it was Adam Warlock, but it's not. I have no idea who he is. Oh, and the Annihilation Wave has finally made an appearence. I'm just not sure what this series is driving at, so I'm gonna have to give it a 2.5 out of 5.

Exiles #81 - So, Proteus arrives on Heroes Reborn Earth. Once again, he befriends the heroes of this planet, so as to use them against the Exiles. You know, given that he's in a body that apparently will never wear down, given that he can alter reality, it's seems like Kevin McTaggert is kind of a pansy, given he always tries to hide behind heroes.

Blink reassumes command of the team. Spider-Man 2099 (no relation to Hobgoblin of 2211) and Power Princess make a brief stop back at her home, while the rest of the squad pursues Proteus. Cue yet another fight between the Exiles and duped heroes, before Proteus takes advantage. Only it seems this time that Proteus' arrival has kicked off a chain reaction with some pair of Order and Chaos beings, and that means it's about to hit the fan. I'm glad this is going to wrap up next month. The barrage of Misunderstanding Battles are getting a little tiring. 3.2 out of 5.

Warbird #3 - That cover is pretty misleading, given the Brood never appear in the issue. Good thing to know for future reference: Cavorite crystals doesn't always explode with sufficient force to destroy a planet. Sometimes, they just explode enough to launch into space. Warbird tries slugging it out with Cru, but she's not equipped for space combat, and returning to Earth for some air, costs her some pain. But in true hero fashion, she sucks it up and tries harder. I got to say, energy absorption seems like a pretty handy power to have.

The battle concludes, and Carol survives. . . barely. And now it's time to appear on television while your arm in a sling! Next month could be horribly embarassing for her. 3.7 out of 5.

New Avengers #19 - Well, this cover is better than last month's, but damn, it's till not very good. I mean, Cage looks demonic. Today Spidey makes the mistake of mentioning "House of M" around SHIELD. Oops. Of course SHIELD decides this phrase is much more important than the incredibly powerful being Iron Man and, sigh, The Sentry are trying unssuccessfully to stop. At least Sentry didn't go crying back to his wife after he got smacked around last issue. Still, the battle rages, until finally SHIELD gets the bright idea to stop fighting "Michael", and just let him go where he wants. Because, sure, nothing could possibly go wrong with that idea! Clearly Bendis, just couldn't figure how else to advance the plot. To this I say, lame.

Ugh. Other than Iron Man and, sigh, The Snetry, no one did anything in this issue but talk. We can't get Captain America throwing his shield at the bad guy even once? 1.5 out of 5.

New Excalibur #7 - See this how battles in team books can be done and not suck. If neccessary, scatter the team allover, and have them dealing with different people in small groups. Then you can gradually have them join up for the big finale. Are you taking notes Bendis? You ought to be, this is how pretty much every battle has gone in this title thus far, and it's worked.

So Black Tom is back to being human courtesy of House of M. So where's the energy he's firing through that staff coming from? That was his mutant power, channeled through a walking stick! And Dazzler comes back to life. . . again. I can't figure how Sage did what she did, but I have concluded she and Pete Wisdom are definitely getting it on. There's more to his "You're worth more to me than my need to blow thing up" comment than merely her value to the team.

I'm not not sure I buy the end scene, with Juggernaut talking Black Tom into giving himself up. I suppose you could argue that having being changed back from being a hideous tree creature, Tom values this life to the point it's made him a coward. 3.9 out of 5.

Teen Titans #36 - At least Johns is trying to catch up, after having fallen behind during Infinite Crisis. I got to tell you, after rereading #35, this team is starting to grow on me. What's not growing on me is Niles Caulder. In the battle of "Character in a book I bought this week, I most want to see die", he's neck and neck with Commander Hill from New Avengers. What an ass. So full of himself with the "I'm older than you, I know better, so do what I say" crap.

This issue tells us why Beast Boy rejoined the Doom Patrol, how Caulder seems to keep his crew in line, what happened to Herald and Bumblebee, not that I knew there was anything wrong with Bumblebee. I assumed she could always change size. So while Caulder's attitude pisses off the Titans, they actually seem united for the first time - by their mutual dislike of Sir Caulder. Meanwhile, the Brotherhood has got their shit together. Although, judging by the last page, maybe not. They couldn't clone him any hair for the guy? 4.3 out of 5.

X-Factor #7 - Two running plots in this issue. One, Madrox meets with the head of Singularity. Two, Siryn finds out about her father's death in X-Men: Deadly Genesis. Madrox meeting with the people who seem to be his enemies for the series, goes about as well as you'd expect. They try to bribe him and the team off, Madrox declines, negotiations fall apart at that point. On the plus side, Madrox learns something new about the Elder Tryp. That's a sopposed to tryp the Younger, who beat up Siryn with a pipe.

Siryn meets the news of her father's death with about the correct amount of respect any death in the X-Family should be met with - none. She knows he'll be back, the X-Men always are. She's not wrong. I do wish Scott had told her the truth. Instead of the explanation he gave, he needed to say "He died because we needed to establish this kewl new character that's been retconned into the X-History as being X-Evil, so we X-Killed an X-Man nobody's X-Used since Casey's 'X-Corps' story in Uncanny." The team reacts with sadness, even Monet, though I guess that makes sense. Wasn't Banshee the headmaster of the school when she was in Generation X? Whatever, Cyclops' reaction to seeing Layla Miller was worth the money by itself. Probably scared Cyke, because what if she told them? 4.5 out of 5.

Things I Think About #37

I'm a little confused about something. When Kyle Rayner first became Ion, he was somehow drawing in the power Parallax left behind after reigniting the Sun, correct? So why didn't he fall under it's influence? I understand that in Rebirth, he knew Parallax was the force behind all this, and the fear that knowledge brought helped him resist (Go Kyle!). But he wouldn't have had any clue that that energy had come with a malevolent sentinence, so couldn't it have taken control? Or am I getting the Giant Yellow Space Locust of Fear mixed up with the power from the Central Battery? Or is it that Parallax was willing to leave it's power behind to continue to hitch a ride with Jordan's soul, as part of it's grand scheme to do. . . something. I've never been clear on what it planned to do after it got control of the Spectre, or Ganthet either. Revenge? Galactic Conquest?

In this same vein, I'm guessing that Kyle/Ion isn't as powerful now as he was then, right? Because he only got back the "Ion-power" he "gave" to Jade (that really is pretty lame that her power was just a gift from him). Most of that power went into recreating the Central Power Battery, right? So how much more powerful than a normal Green Lantern can he be? Jade seemed to be weaker than most GLs, so Kyle shouldn't be more than twice as powerful, right? Or is it an exponential increase, or related to the amount of will the wearer has?

Finally, does the fact that Jade "gave" the power back to Kyle, saying it was his, imply Kyle isn't actually using a Power Ring? It seems to be suggesting that Kyle has an internal power, more like Alan Scott, and that for him the ring was merely a tool to bring out and focus what he already possessed. That would mean Kyle had always possessed some sort of energy manipulation ability, he just didn't know it/couldn't use it. Giving him the last Power Ring might make a bit more sense under those circumstances.

Or maybe I'm just thinking too hard. Trying to make sense out of something that prominently involves Green Lantern:Rebirth and Rann-Thanagar War Special is probably just asking for a headache.

Things I Think About #36

So the Skrulls aren't presenting a united front. They're a bunch of rival warlords, all trying to get as much land and power as they can, with no intention of working together. Seems like this has been going on since the early '90s. Wasn't there a formation of rival factions sometime after the Kree/Skrull War? They had an Emperess, one who was giving them back their shape-shifting abilities (I think the Kree used some weapon that took that away from the Skrulls, leaving them trapped in whatever form they were in, including one Skrull masquerading as the Silver Surfer). Anyway, something happened to her, and the Skrulls have been squabbling amongst themselves ever since.

I kind of wonder if that's ever going to be resolved, or if Marvel will just leave them in a state of disarray. Hmm, maybe Emperor Super Skrull?

On another topic, I was thinking about spider-tracers. I always thought that was so cool, that Peter made this device attuned to his spider-sense so he could track people with it. But he never uses them anymore. He even said as much during Hudlin's run on Marvel Knights Spider-Man.

I suppose part of the problem is that he used his webshooters to launch them, and maybe that doesn't work as well with organic webs. Of course, that was something he'd figured out later, originally he just threw them (I'm not sure how accurate something like that would really be), so that shouldn't be a problem. Then I figured it out.

He tended to use his spider-tracers to follow villains. You know how it goes: Electro steals something, Spidey shows up, they fight, Electro endangers civilians, Spidey rescues them, but Electro escapes, civilians throw things at Spidey and call him a menace, Spidey misses class, etc. Fortunately, Spidey tossed a handy-dandy tracer on Sparky, so now he can find him later and stop him.

Unfortunately, Spidey's enemies no longer commit crimes. Everything they do is some grandiose revenge scheme against Spidey. He doesn't need to track them down because they always come to him. Something Marvel definitely needs to look into fixing. You know, as soon as they finish having Peter fight other heroes.

I noticed the August cover for Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man has Mysterio on the cover. I hope that it's Quentin Beck, and not that guy that bought the costume at the end of Spider-Man and the Black Cat. Man, that story needs to be wiped out of existence immediately.

An Imparting of Wisdom

I have deduced the key to enjoying Big Comic Events, and I found it within Annihilation. The key is. . .

Don't care about any of the characters. Let me explain.

If you have characters that you feel strongly about one way or the other, than it affects your ability to enjoy the story, because you are either hopeful that Character A (see, Ray, The; Infinite Crisis) makes it through OK, or that Character B (see, Superman, all; Infinite Crisis) kicks the bucket. But, if you have no strong feelings towards the characters one way or the other, you can simply enjoy the story for what it is.

Here's an example. I'm enjoying Annihilation: Super-Skrull. I think Super-Skrull has this sort of Clint Eastwood-esque "I'm going to do it my way, and screw you if you don't like it" thing going on, and that's very cool to me. I want to see if he can stop the Harvester of Sorrows before it reaches the Skrull homeworld and kills his son, along with every other Skrull on the planet. But if the story is done well, then I won't be horribly disappointed if he fails. Say, the Harvester reaches the homeworld much more quickly than he thought because all the different warlords are too busy squabbling and trying to hoard as much for themselves as they can to build an effective defense. I would be alright with that as the conclusion to Super-Skrull, as it nicely sets things up for the actual Annihilation mini-series, as he now turns his goals towards revenge.

Could I say the same thing about Civil War, if Spider-Man has to scramble to get help before SHIELD takes Mary Jane and Aunt May away as collaborators, after Peter breaks ties with Stark, only Peter fails? Nope, I sure couldn't say I'd be OK with that. Because I like Spidey, I have a rooting interest to see him come through OK, the same way I have a rooting interest that Wolverine disembowel Hank Pym at some point (What? I'm sick of messed up Hank Pym stories, and Wolverine hasn't killed anybody relevant in a decade).

Now, I grant you those situations aren't equal. Aunt May and MJ are established characters; Super-Skrull's kid is a Character Motivation Tool, but I think the idea holds. It's the same with the others involved. I like Nova, but he's not going to crack my top twenty favorite Marvel characters, so I'm pretty much willing to go with what the story gives me, as long as it's good. If that means Nova dies fighting Annihilus because he tries to tap into all of the Nova Force (which he'd probably need), and it causes him to lose control/focus, so he gets taken down by a sneak attack (Thanos?), or it's too much power, and it just wipes him out, I could say sit there and say "Hey that was a pretty good issue". If he's triumphs and maybe recruits the former Heralds of Galactus to form a new sort of Intergalactic Police Force, that's also fine.

Granted, this idea may not be really practical given that everyone has different favorite characters, and so the issue where Vibe dies would be approached differently by me than by Scipio, but maybe it means you have to divorce yourself from any deeper childhood attachments (or adolescent, or whatever) to the character, and just go with the flow, so to speak.

The Pull of Childhood

And so we who still read Marvel's comics of today bid a sad farewell from our ranks to the Fortress Keeper, and we hope that one day Marvel will put out new stories that he can enjoy like they once did. But this left me wondering, why don't I give up on Marvel?

I'm distinctly aware of the fact I'm not happy with a lot of what they've done lately. Just since the start of the year I've dropped Ultimate X-Men, Wolverine, Sensational Spdier-Man, and Wolverine:Origins after just 1 issue. New Avengers is on my chopping block. Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man isn't friendly, and I'm actually grateful to Civil War for the simple fact it made JMS stop writing magic-themed Spidey stories. And yet, it's never even crossed my mind that it might be time to stop giving Joey Q my money. Heck, I'm a lot closing to telling DC to take "long walk" and "short pier", add a dash of "man-eating sharks", and mix well. But I think it relates to timing (brief sports analogy, bear with me).

I have a tendency (maybe you do too) to remain faithful to things from my childhood. My football team of choice is the Arizona Cardinals. Been that way for twelve years. Since that time, I've followed numerous other teams, usually because of some player I liked. I was a Chiefs fan, then they let Rich Gannon go the Oakland, so I rooted for Oakland. I watched Buffalo because of Doug Flutie, then San Diego. I've followed Rickey Proehl from Chicago to St. Louis to Carolina. All those team alliegances were damaged by me knowing it's a business, and teams don't care about loyalty, and so why should I be loyal to a team, if they're just going to dump a player because he's too expensive? Better to simply follow the players I like and hope for their teams to do well. But through all that, I've stuck with Arizona, because when I started rooting for them, I didn't know this was how the NFL worked, and so even though I know it now, the intial anchor is still set firmly in a simpler past.

And that's the difference between Marvel and DC. Marvel's been a fixture for me since 1987. Even all the crap of the '90s (Clone Saga, 17 million giant X-Crossovers) didn't destroy my preference for Marvel over those "lame" heroes at DC, who'd I'd first seen in the early '90s from my dad's comics from the '60s (what? I didn't know Superman of 1963 was any different from Superman of 1993). Because when I think of Marvel, the memories that dominate are from the time before all that. I didn't start reading DC on a monthly basis until 2000. By that time I knew all about characters being killed to spike sales, selling the same comic five times, only with different covers, characters being changed on a whim to try and make them "trendier". So I look at DC with that more jaded eye, always, because that's the only DC I've ever bought. I'm aware that's it's equally true for Marvel, but I remember reading their comics when it wasn't, and so I hold tight to that.

Cripes, I'm now old enough to have nostalgia. Where's my Social Security check?