So say hello to... Hideous Baby Penguin! We want to tell you all about the people who demonstrated their ruthless, devious, or flat out evil streaks, because those are the people that'll be getting funding from the penguins in the next fiscal year! So let's go!
Tony Stark: You know what's great about Tony Stark? No matter how many doubts he's had about the whole Registration thing, no matter how many of his so-called 'friends' have abandoned or attacked him, he stays the path. He's going to see this through to the end, and if that means that his former allies have to go to the Negative Zone, well they should have stayed out of his way.
Brimstone Society: You say "But they're dedicated to destroying vampires. Isn't that good?" I say "Shut up. I wasn't finished talking." Destroying vampires is just a means to an end. These Brimstone fellows know that taking over the world and running it - like that idiot Garek wants to - is hard. It's easier to move quietly behind the scenes, to subtly manipulate the ones currently running things, so the world stays how you like it. Like they want to keep Rayne as a soldier, so they can't give her the cure for dhampirism, because any ordinary human isn't much good, but still want to seem like they care about her, thus they say they've discovered how to overcome her weakness towards water. It's a little gesture, but one that helps to keep her in line. And keeps her willing to eliminate those who threaten their interests.
The Shi'ar: They must have penguin blood in their ancestry, because they were quite right not to let the Spider-Man of 2099 keep that flight ring. Yes, he helped defeat the Silver Surfer, which kept Galactus alive, but still, he's a human. Give them anything, and they'll figure out how to use it against you. Humans can't be trusted. That's why penguins simultaneously like them so much, and interact with them so little.
Galactus: Hideous Baby Penguin completely approves of Galactus' existence and purpose. Without Galactus, that universe would be devoid of inhabited planets, and then where would the penguins exert their subtle controls?
Sage: Yeah, she's a good guy, or so they say, but once a Hellfire Clubber, always a Hellfire Clubber. She lets the brightly attired boys bicker about who runs the show, while quietly she's doing it. Subtle manipulations, bravo. She won't get too much funding though, because if Piledriver can figure that out, she's not being nearly subtle enough.
Black Tom: For telling Cain there's no way they can ever be redeemed. Calvin may be big into the whole "redemption" thing (see, Faith LeHane and Spike), but Tom understands that once you stop worrying about trying to atone for all the supposedly bad crap you've done, you're free. There's no limit to what you'll do, because there's nothing holding you back. Except imagination, so Cain may be out of luck after all.
Doctor Octavius: Because he's another fellow that looks like he's been pulling strings for awhile. He got Fury to let him out of prison and use that stupid, Mary Jane-obsessed clone to conduct more supposedly illegal (except when Nick Fury authorizes it. Man, HBP and I hate Nick Fury. Man has all the subtlety of a wrecking ball in the face. And poor organization too. His CIA competition hasn't even had mysterious accidents yet.) experiments. Doesn't have his metal limbs, but you know he's calling them to him, just keeping them out of sight for now. Thumbs up, Doctor.
Guido Carosella: He wasn't really intriguing until his yo-yo string broke, and he started stomping on it. He's got a abrupt violent streak, and combined with the mental work Singularity did on him, there's a foundation for something. Hmm, I'm scheming. This is my scheming face. HBP, let's call the Soul-Stealing and Manipulation Division, would you? We've got some - are you still here? Well, I should kill you, but since the Americans among you are celebrating a holiday, I'll let it slide.
So here's wishes for your mother to embarrass you in front of your significant other, and plenty of colon obstructions for everyone!
What Hideous Baby Penguin? Oh come on, it'll take a really long time to find all of them. I want to go see my Unfamily. Yeah I know they celebrate by eating a bird, but you don't like turkeys that much anyway, so what's the big deal? What? No, not the trout fields! Please no!
Oh God, the smell! It's awful!
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