Monday, November 06, 2006

Shared Madness?

When I was reading through my recently purchased back issues of Cable/Deadpool, one of my favorites scenes was in issue 20, where pages 2 and 3 show us what Deadpool does while he waits for the phone to ring. The best part (yes, even more than finding out Wade likes The Professional) was observing that he watches ESPN's Pardon The Interruption while he cleans his firearms.

Because nothing is more manly than listening to sports discussion while holding guns, especially when there's beers and katanas in the room. Even Guy Gardner would be overwhelmed by that level of manliness.

But really, I'm not surprised Wade Wilson is a devotee of PTI. He and Tony Kornheiser have so much in common. Observe:

Wade: Has no hair.
Tony: Would be better off if he just accepted his lack of hair.

Honorary X-Man: Has bumpy, ridged skin, due to his constantly healing body.
Mr. Tony: Has admitted to having orange skin.

Wadey: Wears brightly colored work clothes (standard Deadpool outfit).
TK: Wears bright red blazer for Monday Night Football, and would you just look at that tie up there! And that's not even his most garish.

Deadpool: Has boxer shorts with hearts or smiley faces.
Tone (as Stat Boy calls him): Frequently wears turban, earrings and scarf to play "Psychics". Also known to wear cop hat and sunglasses for "Good cop/Bad Cop".

Merc With A Mouth: Interested in Shadowcat, who seems much too young, and has a boyfriend who is large, athletic, and could seriously hurt Deadpool.
Larry Brown's Wingman: Interested in all athletes' attractive wives/girlfirends, even though at 60, is much too old and could easily be injured by said athletes.

'Pool: Has love/kill relationship with Cable, a bossy loudmouth messiah from the future.
Kornheiser: Has love/yell relationship with Michael Wilbon, loudmouthed sportswriter from Chicago.

Scarred Face: Has to be on guard against all the other competition in his chosen profession, who will take his jobs, and his life.
Old Man: Has to guard against Dan LeBatard getting too many guest appearances.

I've Run Out Of Cute Nicknames: By rescuing Cable from his vanishing after the battle with Skornn, may have saved the world.
Ditto: By actually showing up on PTI, saves audience from LeBatard saying "BAM!" 7 million times an episode.

Squirrel Girl's Most Recent Conquest: Finds Bea Arthur attractive. No, I don't believe he was joking.
Notre Dame's #1 Fan: Describes Tonya Harding as "his girl". Yikes.

Wade Wilson: Sexual preference in question due to comments about Hercules' endowment, 'nubile Young Avengers' Wiccan and Hulkling. And we won't even get started on his "Cable and cocoa butter on the beach" fantasy.
Anthony Kornheiser: Makes frequent references to sitting down to watch a TV show with his Beano Cook inflatable doll. 'Nuff...said.

Whew. That really went long. I'm out. Later.

4 comments:

Tom Bondurant said...

There is another Kornheiser/Bea Arthur connection, namely Rich Eisen telling the "Bea Arthur Joke" on the old (uncensored) Internet portion of Mr. Tony's ESPN Radio show.

Also, no room for TK's "Satchmo" nickname?

Fitz said...

But can Deadpool do the penguin dance? it's the sensation that's sweeping the nation

CalvinPitt said...

tom: Satchmo? I'd forgotten that one I guess. It doesn't really ring a bell.

fitz: I'd imagine Deadpool both can and would do the penguin dance. He's kind of odd like that.

SallyP said...

Well-researched sir! But there isn't anyone more manly than Guy Gardner.