And I Tell You Now, We, WE!!, Have The Power To Stop Him

Chris' review helped me realize that we can defeat the Evil Major Event Civil War. How, you say?

My father grew up on a farm. Once, while on a walk, I asked him what happened if the cows or bulls got angry and attacked him (because he told me he once got kicked by a mule, so I figured he must have had other conflicts with the farmyard populace). He told me that in that scenario, the best thing to do - besides getting out of the way - was pick up a big stick, and hit the offending heifer right between the eyes. That would give them pause. But what does THAT have to do with this, you ask?

Well, Chris reviewed Iron Man #8. His review details that there is something going on with Mr. Stark. This gives me the feeling that it relates to Tony Stark's actions leading up to and in Civil War. But I was able to get that without buying the comic. Likewise, when I review next week's Amazing Spider-Man (look for the review next week!), I may be able to provide my readers with some insights as to how it ties-in with Civil War, again without them spending money on the title. Add in the person who reviews the She-Hulk tie-ins, or the Young Avengers/Runaways book, and people can get a good idea what's going on, without spending a lot of money. So how's that tie-in to my dad's livestock wisdom?

We, the comic bloggers are being imperiled by a large Event Comic, with something like 87-issues spread between over a dozen books. If we share information on the few books we read, it saves others from spending money, which hurts sales, and thus we are the big stick. So guess who gets to play the part of the bovine we're hitting between the eyes?

Sure the easier response would be to get out of the way (just back away from Civil War tie-ins until it's over), but it's much more fun to discuss figuratively hitting Quesada in the face with a big stick, right?

A few things, from Chris' review of Iron Man #8, and my reading it in the store today. If Stark is in fact going nuts, it makes much more sense for him to be on the same said as Hank Pym, Marvel poster boy for mental disorder. But why Reed Richards? Well, Dr. Niles Caulder of the Doom Patrol has the answer. See, reed has been stretching all parts of his body for years (keep your perverted jokes to yourself), and that includes his brain. So much like Elasti-Girl, all this stretching has affected Reed' ability to think straight. So when Tony got the Illuminati together to discuss working with the government, Reed was confused but figured the safest bet was to agree with his genius buddy and fellow "futurist" Tony Stark. If Sue had been there, she'd have set him straight, but oops, they thought it was a good idea to exclude their loved ones from the group.

You might say, but why has it taken Reed so long to show the effects of this Elastic Brain Syndrome*? It hasn't, it's just always manifested itself in the form of Reed neglecting Sue, or failing to permanently cure Ben Grimm (I know, Ben subconsciously doesn't want to be cured, just work with me, I'm doing this on the fly), or when he decides it's a good idea to tell Galactus he can try to come back and eat Earth, so as to get Galactus to defeat the Sphinx. Everyone just figured it was your typical Absent-Minded Professor stuff.

Other thoughts. I believe Stark is suffering from one of the following: One, his becoming Machine God, has enabled his armor to respond to subconscious desires, so it attaches itself in his sleep, and carries out his dream-desire to kill people. Having allowed this subconscious desire to be realized, it begins to flow into the conscious. Two, someone knows about his transformation, and is transmitting subliminal commands on the same frequency that lets Stark get e-mails directly in his head. Three, becoming Machine God is divorcing him from parts of his humanity, thus killing evil people is not a moral consideration, it merely seems logical. I figure two is most likely.

Also, I was very impressed with Spider-Man's attempt to save Captain America. Even if he don't look it, Spidey is stronger, tougher, and has less mass than Cap, so he can withstand more gravity. And throwing himself in the way to protect someone is such a Parker move, because he's got a death wish (Curse you, The Other!). I meant because he's a truly selfless hero who believes it's only right he give his life for Captain America.

That being said, he probably should have realized that Cap was still trapped under him, so it probably didn't matter much whether Cap died from Graviton crushing him into the ground, or from Graviton crushing Peter into the ground, but not before he pushed him through Captain America. Still, points for effort, right?

* Elastic Brain Syndrome is a registered trademark of Dr. Niles Caulder, but I'm here, and he's in Prague, so what's he gonna do if I don't have express written consent? That's right, nothing. Take that, you manipulative bastard!