The Sanctity of Marriage

Pardon me as I go mildly berserk (is that a contradiction in terms?). Lots of talk about Joe Quesada's latest dumbass statements. Seems Joey Q said Peter Parker and Mary Jane being married is a mistake, and they need to fix it. Only problem is Joe Questionable-Intelligence feels there's too much history to be able to split them apart.

To which I say, no shit Joe, you tried killing MJ off once, then had to retcon it to a kidnapping/blowing up an entire airliner to trick everyone into thinking she was dead to get out of that one. You tried sending her to Hollywood; that lasted 20 issues before she and Peter get back together (not counting Peter and Aunt May's visit to La-La Land).

I really don't see what the big deal is about Peter being married. He's supposedly "everyman", right? Well, everyday people get married too, same as millionaires and actors, they just don't divorce quite as quickly, or as often. Yes MJ is ludicrously hot, but look at the women around the Marvel Universe; they're ALL freaking smoking. Except Cassandra Nova. Guh. At any rate, there are good stories you can tell about Peter/Mary Jane. So here's what you do.

One, get the Parker trio out of the Avengers Tower. May can still see Jarvis if they like, nothing wrong with that, though I think it shouldn't go farther than a good friendship. Two, emphasize Peter's work with the school and the Bugle on a part-time basis. No Stark International; those two don't seem likely to be buddies after this Civil War anyway, so let's just forget it. Three, keep MJ doing the theater acting, but as that can be a less than lucrative career, give her something else. Maybe she gets a degree (I know, she tried once, in psychology, but I think being married to a man who dresses like a spider and fights crime could skew your views on that). I was thinking something in fashion design. According to the Spider-Girl universe, she's pretty damn good at that, so give her that to work towards. Besides, it gives you hilarious scenes of her using Peter to model homework assignments. Four, bring in some friends for Mary Jane and Peter. IMPORTANT NOTE: This is not the same as friends for Spider-Man and His Wife. Avengers do not count.

What pisses me off is they had this worked out. Before JMS came on board, Mackie and Jenkins had Peter rooming with Randy Robertson, Robbie's son. They experienced the typical madcap Parker-style adventures of trying to make rent, pay utilities, and eat. In addition, they often went out with Jill Stacy and Glory Grant. Randy was interested in Glory, and supposedly the writers were trying to set up a Jill/Peter relationship. Well, forget that, but there isn't a reason those three can't be friends with MJ and Pete. Go out, do things that 20-something people in New York do together. That doesn't even include that weird "Smelly Cat" Peter found right before Mackie left. Pet, or annoying pest they can't get rid of, either way it's another everyday element.

But JMS came on the book, and moved Peter out of the apartment, and that was pretty much the last we saw of those three. Fortunately, Paul Jenkins gave Peter wacky neighbors, and had him providing a place for the now comatose Flash Thompson. When MJ came back, the two of them each helped the nurse care for Flash. The interaction was sometimes limited, but it was something, the neighbors knew Peter and Mary Jane, and they knew their neighbors, what a concept.

Then Jenkins left. Then they destroyed Aunt May's new apartment (Millar's Marvel Knights Spider-Man). Then the Molten Man wannabe destroyed Peter and MJ's apartment (JMS on Amazing Spider-Man). Then he destroyed Aunt May's house. Then Stark showed up. And the Parkers became effectively cut off from ordinary people.

I give Peter David points for trying. We've seen Jamesons, Jonah and John, Robbie, and a non-comatose Flash. Unfortunately, Flash has reverted back to his high school age (apparently a milder form of Guy Gardner's problem), which rules him out as a friend, for at least a while. Still, there isn't really anyone for our couple to interact with as friends, and that's the problem.

Speaking as someone who has seen it with his parents, when a married couple doesn't have anyone but themselves, it can tend to wreck things pretty fast. You don't have anyone else to spend time with, it magnifies all the little problems, and things start to get ugly. It helps to have other people to have fun with, to talk to about problems. So I guess that's Quesada's solution right there: Keep them cut off from normal people, let them feud and argue and start to despise each other, then do an ugly divorce where Mary Jane spitefully plans to out Peter's identity, except Peter has. . . You know what, I'll just stop here before Quesada gets any ideas.