Things I Think About #33

So, it's a week after Infinite Crisis finished breaking the Internet in half, and Civil War began breaking the halves in half, and I just want to discuss something in Civil War #1.

There is no way that Spider-Man should be on Tony Stark's side as of Civil War #2.

Stark - for reasons only he may know - is on the side of registration and training for superheroes. Because I'm completely sure that a bunch of normal human scientists could have trained Speedball how to better use his kinetic field. Just like I'm sure that even though he remained conscious through Namorita slamming him into a bus, Nitro would never have had the chance to explode if Captain America had been there.

OK, enough sarcasm.

Stark wants registration. But Peter gave a perfectly logical reason why he shouldn't register, because he doesn't want to come home and find his "wife impaled on an octopus arm and the woman who was like a mother to him begging for her life."

And he's absolutely right. Think how much of a hassle it was for Peter when Norman Osborn was the only villain who knew who he was under the mask. Even with Norman frequently amnesiac, there was constant worry on Peter's part that Norman might regain those memories, and Peter would have to fight his best friend's father. Think what happened when Venom showed up. He knew who Peter was, and the first thing he did was go scare the beejeezus out of Mary Jane. Peter had to deal with the fact that Venom could attack at any moment (meaning, every fifteen issues or so), and other than Venom's word that "sweet, innocent May Parker" would not be harmed, Peter knew everyone around him was fair game. Throw the seemingly bipolar Puma into the mix (who fortunately forgot thanks to the Black Crow), and the freaking insane Harry Osborn (dead). Now add to that Doc Ock (forgot after resurrection) and at least one of Kraven's sons (dead, I think). And the Jackal (dead, I think). Spider-Man's enemies like to commit crimes, but he's standing in the way. To correct that problem, they would think nothing of killing his loved ones along with him.

"But Calvin," you say, "if he registered, then the government, or SHIELD, could provide security for his family." Yeah, because I'm sure MJ and Aunt May will enjoy being followed around by armed guards for the rest of their life. Besides, you honestly think some gun-toting soldiers would stop Doctor Octopus if he got it in his head to kill the Parker clan? This is the same SHIELD that couldn't stop that HYDRA/Hand/Wolverine group from running around killing D-list heroes and trying to capture other heroes (Daredevil, Elektra). Now that was one group, granted a large one, with vast resources. But they had a specific plan, and SHIELD was stretched too thin to combat it. What happens when 300 different villains all decide to start trying to get revenge on the heroes that thwarted them, and everyone is under attack? What's SHIELD going to do then, send the heroes without loved ones out to defend the ones that do?

Best thing Peter can do is minimize the number of people that know who he is. Which means that in issue #2 I expect to see him return the Iron Spidey outfit to Stark, and tell him he can't go along with this. He'd be nervous, and very polite and respectful, but he'd do it.

Actually, I don't expect to see that in #2 at all, because Marvel will drag that scene out until at least #5. So to rephrase: I believe that Peter would immediately return the costume to Stark, but that won't happen because Marvel likes to annoy me.

Come back tomorrow, when I tell you about how Civil War #1 helped me figure out who Daredevil is!